Thursday (11/6/2014)

Update: 

My pain in the ankle subsided overnight.  What a relief!  No more electric bolts shooting through my ankle.  I had an appointment with my podiatrist this morning to find out what was going on.

I was afraid that I had somehow damaged my ankle and I would be laid up for a while as it healed, or even worse, that I had a Charcot incident and I had major irreversible damage to my ankle.  The x-ray and exam showed that neither of those two concerns was my problem.

You’ve heard of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome where you develop severe wrist pain; well I was experiencing Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome.  The tendon that runs down the leg and behind the ankle bone was inflamed which puts pressure on the nerve that runs below it causing shooting nerve pain.  The doctor said that since I haven’t been wearing my prosthesis (while waiting for the new one to be made) all the stress of standing etc. was on my right foot (instead of being divided between two feet).  I probably overworked the tendon causing the swelling.

Yesterday I stayed at home and kept my leg up, iced, and rested it.  The pain started about 4 a.m. and lasted until about 9 p.m.  After that I would have a few minor twinges but nothing too great. 

If I have a reoccurrence, I’ll have to wear a lace-up ankle brace or get lace up boots to give my foot a bit more support.  Right now, the rest, ice, and elevation is enough.

I am so relieved to hear that it wasn’t anything major or that would take time while I was laid up to heal.  Thank you, Lord! 

Thought for the Day:

“As a child of God, I know that He is always with me, and I’m comforted to know that He understands how much we can bear.  When others share stories with me of their own challenges and trials, I’m often moved to tears.  I remind those who are suffering or grieving that God’s arm is never too short.  He can reach anyone.”

“Draw strength from that.  Dare to give it a go and to soar as high as your imagination will take you.  You can expect challenges.  Welcome them as ‘character-building experiences.’ Learn from them and rise above them.  You may have an excellent dream.  Just be open-minded enough to accept that God may have a different path for you than the one you envisioned.  There are many ways to reach your dream, so don’t be discouraged if you can’t yet see the way on your own.” [Nick Vujicic, Life Without Limits].

Since my hospitalization and amputation, I’ve been upbeat and positive.  I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been a bit down (and that usually only for a couple of hours).  Lately, I’ve been struggling emotionally more than I ever have since my amputation.  Not a lot.  But enough that I feel it.  As I think about it, I am reminded of how fickle we are emotionally.  It doesn’t take but one little change for us to go from happy to sad.  Life can be going great one minute and then one little thing changes and suddenly “it’s the worst day of my life.”  For me being back in the wheelchair for another two weeks was enough to tip my emotional balance.  I am a bow hunter and this wheelchair time happened during the peak of the rut so I couldn’t get out hunting—talk about lousy timing!  I mean, come on.  And I’m going to let that and a couple of other minor things zap my sense of emotional well-being?  On the cosmic scale, what a stupid thing to waste emotional energy on!

One of things that has proven the most difficult to accept is how many of my life-long plans and assumptions have changed and continually need to be revised.  I now have a better understanding of how an aging adult must feel about losing their driver’s license or having to move out of the home they love because it is too much for them to care.  There are some things that are permanently out of my reach now; but there are many things that I can find a way to work around or swap for something else.  Watching other guys work at the church construction work days has been very tough for me.  I want to be out there working alongside of them!  Maybe someday.  But not today; not right now. 

I know that most of the things that drain my emotional batteries of happy juice are pretty small potatoes.  But it is hard not to allow those things to consume my thoughts.  After all, these are things happening to me.  You know what the difference is between major and minor surgery?  Minor surgery happens to you.  Major surgery happens to me.  It is only natural that the stuff happening to us is a big deal; but I think we make too big of deal out of it all too often.

One contributing factor to my deflated emotional state is I’ve become much busier and I am not spending as much time doing inspirational reading.  I definitely need to do more of that.  So the downtime I had resting my leg was spent reading the good stuff.  I’m not floating as high as I normally do yet; but I am definitely on the rise.

Here’s a thought.  There are people all around you that might be going through an emotional rough patch.  Why don’t you take a moment to reach out to touch them?  Make a call.  Send a message. Offer a prayer. Stop by and say “Hello!” Do something to let them know that they are not alone in the struggle they face.  Right now single parents, older adults, or college-aged students come to mind.  But everyone can use a word of encouragement and support.  We all have bad days and difficulties.  And your life doesn’t have to be all sunshine and butterflies to be an encouragement to others.  A good way to help lift your own spirits is to help someone else. 

Be encouraged and be an encourager as well!

Wednesday Photos (11/5/2014):

Wednesday Photos (11/5/2014): 

A friend on Face Book gave me this idea.  She has been posting a daily picture of her feet in various brightly colored socks as she is relaxing with her feet up in a recliner.  I got wondering how an amputee would do this.  So here's my rather comical photo shoot of an amputee kicking back and relaxing... 

Wednesday (11/5/2014)

Update: 

I had a plaster cast made of my leg yesterday.  The prosthetist takes the cast and uses it as a mold to make a replica of my leg.  The new prosthesis is then built using that replica.  I have an appointment on Thursday (11/13) to be fitted with the new and improved test socket.  So I should leave the office that day on two legs!!!  That means another eight days in the wheelchair, which is disappointing.  But nothing can be done to speed up the process.  It takes what it takes.  So I just have to accept it and soldier on.  Since the new prosthetic leg will be closely shaped to my leg as it currently is, I should be pain-free and back in business with very minor adjustments.

Some people have asked if my old prosthesis can be donated or re-used.  Think about that for a minute.  It was created to exactly fit my leg eight months ago.  There have been enough changes in the shape of my leg that the old prosthesis was causing great pain and would have begun doing damage to my leg if I continued wearing it.  What are the odds that someone could be found that it would fit perfectly when it couldn’t be adjusted to fit the guy it was created for?  Unfortunately, there is no use for an old prosthesis that I know of.

I was told that the second prosthesis that you receive normally lasts about three to four years.  With the rate of change I am going through they are guessing that mine will last two years.  After that the rate of change in the shape/size of the leg dramatically decreases so the legs last a longer time.

In the middle of the night I woke up to nerve pain.  I am use to occasionally having phantom pain in my none-existent left leg; but this pain is in my right ankle.  I kept waking up when the lightning bolt hit and it has been very consistent and constant for the last three hours.  I checked the ankle for damage or injury and there are no external signs that anything is actually wrong.  Normally, I would just shake it off and try to ignore the pain as best I could.  However, since the troubles with my left leg started with an apparently unexplained pain which eventually led up to amputation, I am more concerned.  My doctors have been concerned about having a repeat of what happened before in my right foot.  I have Charcot disease, in which the bones are weakened and can break under normal wear and tear.  So I need to follow up with the doctors to ensure that nothing like that is happening.  When the doctor’s office opens later this morning, I’m placing a call.  If it is like the last time I called with an issue, they will have me come in today to be seen.  They really take this seriously.  And so am I.  I don’t want to jeopardize my right leg and risk losing it.  I don’t think that is what is happening; but I am not taking any chances.  It is probably just nerve pain; but better safe than sorry.

Picture: waiting in the prosthetist's office to have my cast made.

Monday (11/3/201

Update:

This morning I am getting ready to head to an appointment with my retinal specialist.  I am still receiving monthly eye injections seeking to stabilize and hopefully reverse damage done to my eyes.  Overall my vision has improved, although it is still significantly impaired in my right eye.  I’ll have a number of tests, photos, and scans run this morning, and I’m certain I’ll get an injection in my right eye.  The doctor is assuming that I’ll need another round of laser surgery.  He’ll decide after reviewing the results of the tests.  Either way, the rest of my Monday is shot.  My vision will be compromised for the rest of the day so most of it will be spent napping and listening to music.

On Tuesday afternoon, I will have a plaster cast made of my leg.  They’ll use that model to create a test socket of plastic and fiberglass.  This test socket and easily be modified as we tweak the design to give me the best fit, support, and comfort before they make a more permanent leg for me.  After the casting it takes about a week to get the test socket and I can start walking again.  

Thursday (10/30/2014)

Thought for the Day:

This morning’s devotional thought from Os Hillman was so perfect, I decided to include it in its entirety:

Worship and Work

Romans 14:5   “One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike.”

“Avodah (Ah´-voe-dah) is a Hebrew noun used in the Bible that has two distinct yet intertwined meanings: worship and work. It is also derived from the Hebrew verb L'Avod which has two meanings; to work and also to worship. The dual meaning offers powerful wisdom for modern times for how we are to view our work lives.”

“Work, if done with integrity and unto God, is a form of worship in the biblical Hebrew context. There has never been a concept of segmenting our work from our faith life in the Bible. It is in the realm of the sacred to bring God into our everyday life. Hebrews did not set aside a "day of worship," such as Saturday or Sunday, but everyday is a place and time of worship. They did set aside a Sabbath day of rest.”

“It is a western idea to segment one's faith life from our work like. In the Middle East and Asia, their cultures would never separate their faith from their work life even though their faith foundations might clearly contradict Christian beliefs. When someone comes to faith in Christ from this area of the world, they have an easier time of assimilating their faith into their work because they have always done so.”

“God calls us to do our work as an act of worship to Him. Our work is not to be a place of sweat and toil, but an expression of our love, faith and adoration of Jesus Christ. Today, before you work, ask God to help you see your work in a new way--as worship to Him.”  [Os Hillman, Today God Is First (TGIF), on-line devotional, 10/30/2014].

So what differences would it make in your life if you approached your work as a form of worship?  Potentially, I see a change in attitude.  Work as worship removes some of the drudgery and the mundane aspects of the daily 9-to-5 grind.  Its importance is elevated; it is no longer “just a job.”  If I see my work as a part of my worship, my motivation changes.  Perhaps some of my words and actions will need to be changed as well.  Questionable practices would need to be eliminated.  How I look at and treat others might need some revision.  The idea of seeking to “please the boss” takes on a whole new meaning as well.  Work as worship also makes my life a unified whole—no longer segmented into separate and distinct pieces because it would challenge our “traditional” division of life into work, my time (time off), and God’s time.  In reality it is all God’s time.  Our workplace is a part of the specific mission field that God has placed you in.  You don’t have to be a hell-fire breathing, bible thumper who obnoxiously confronts everyone with their spiritual condition.  Instead, your work, your attitudes, the manner in which you speak, etc. would be a part of a “silent testimony.”  Perhaps there would be a few, appropriate opportunities to say a word for Jesus; but your life itself should be a reflection of your Christian faith and be enough to make people question, “Why are they so positively different from everyone else at work?”

I am certain that there would be plenty of other adjustments to make the transition to work as worship.  What others can you think of?

Colossians 3:17  “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Wednesday (10/29/2014)

Update :

As of yesterday, I am wheelchair bound again.  My prosthetic leg is not fitting well and is painful to wear.  Doctors are worried that I will damage my knee or the soft tissue if I continue to wear this one.  So I was told by my prosthetist (makes and adjusts the prosthesis) that I needed to set up an appointment with the Physiatrist (Rehab Doctor) for the three of us.  The prosthetist and I needed to explain to the Physiatrist what was going wrong and what we had tried.  She would write the prescription to build me a new prosthetic leg.

When I called the doctor’s office and asked for an appointment I was given November 19^th, almost three weeks away!  That would mean I would be in a wheelchair for over a month while my new leg was being built.  I asked if there was any chance of getting squeezed in sooner. While I was waiting to hear if there was (the scheduler was doubtful) I started praying for patience to endure the wait.  It is the last thing that I wanted to do but I told God that I would accept the delay.  I just had finished that prayer and the scheduler asked if I could be at the Doctor’s office in 45 minutes.  They just had a cancellation that morning.  “YES!!!”  I called the prosthetist to let her know and check her availability.  Then I flew out of my office.  I had to go by the house to put my prosthesis on and grab some parts for the wheelchair, etc. 

Normally I leave at least 45 minutes before an appointment from home.  I was leaving the office with less than 45 minutes and I had to don my prosthesis and wheel myself through the long hospital corridors to my doctor’s office by myself.  I slid into the waiting room right on time.  Whew!  My blood pressure was a little elevated by the rush but I made it.

I was so grateful that Leah, my prosthetist was able to quickly type up the notes we needed and met me at the doctor’s office.  I am also thankful that the scheduler checked and offered me a crazy appointment too.  Dr. Schmidt told me that the person who had “my” time slot had just cancelled sometime earlier in the morning.  Timing is everything!

I am waiting for a smaller silicone liner to arrive (my current one is a size too large now).  I have an appointment for next Tuesday, November 4^th to have my leg cast.  I’ll get a test socket about a week later (made of plastic and fiberglass).  That can easily be adjusted so that we can perfect the fit before building me another check socket.  Once I’ve gotten a good fit with the test socket (a few weeks) they’ll take that to use as a mold to build the check socket.  So I will be without a leg for another week later in November.

Despite delays and waiting, I am on the way and making progress.  The Physiatrist was rather shocked to see me because just 19 days before I had an appointment with her and had absolutely no problems and here I was back again so suddenly.

I continue to lose weight and gain muscle strength.  Those two things along with the normal reduction in limb size that all amputees go through caused this change.   My doctor was very pleased with weight loss and muscle gain.  She also commended me for not let this current problem go on too long and I develop a skin breakdown or other tissue damage.  I really can’t take too much credit for that.  It hurt too bad to walk.  Even a GUY can figure out that he needs help when that happens!

Tuesday (10/28/2014)

Update:

Monday is my day off and usually I would have gone to work out at the gym and then gone deer hunting in the afternoon.  But my prosthetic leg had different plans.  Last Thursday, I had excruciating pain because of the improper fit of my prosthesis.  Then on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I chose to minimize walking and see what would happen.  I was in slight pain; but it was bearable.  On Monday morning, I had planned to go to gym but my leg hurt so much and I couldn’t get it adjusted so that I felt like it would do any damage the tissue; so I decided not to go.  I was hoping to get my issues worked out and find just the right combination of socks so that I could go hunting.  Sadly, it became abundantly clear to me that I wasn’t going anywhere that was more than a couple of dozen steps on Monday.

I put a call in to prosthetist’s office letting them know I needed help and then went to lunch with my youngest son, Joshua.  After lunch I got my mother-in-law’s cell phone repaired (she’s on our plan) and then picked up a few items at Sam’s.  Side Note: I’ve got to say that Sam’s has the best handicapped parking and the best motorized carts of any store in the area.

After Sam’s I went to the prosthetic lab for an appointment.  I spent 2 ½ hours there as my prosthetist tried numerous adjustments.  Between each adjustment I had to walk until I was experiencing pain (which didn’t take more than 20-30 steps each time).  Then I had to describe exactly where it hurt and what it felt like.  We did this over and over again for the entire time.  The pain was never excruciating; but it was fairly constant and instead of trying to ignore it, I had to focus on it to describe it—that only intensified the pain.  By the time I got home I was pretty well wiped out from the strain.  I was told to go home and rest the leg for the rest of the evening. 

On Tuesday, I am supposed to try the leg again on the chance that some of the pain was due to all the abuse the leg took on Monday afternoon’s failed attempts.  Most likely I will be in pain and severely limited in my mobility.  I am supposed to keep a journal and then let my prosthetist know all the details each day (I did that over the weekend and she really appreciated the info).  She told me that the next couple day will probably verify that it is time to build a new socket.  My leg is now such a different shape from what it started out as in March that we can no longer make the adjustments necessary to relieve the pain.   Measurements indicate that my residual leg is almost an inch shorter and about 2 inches smaller in diameter since the initial measurements taken in March 2014.  As is normal, the size change is not uniform.  A new socket will be perfectly shaped to fit my leg, so I won’t have any issues with the fit and resulting pain.  The new leg should last 3-4 years.  I am progressing normally for an amputee.  I have added the twist of losing over 40 pounds so far which adds an additional level of difficulty in keeping me fitting well.

So it is time to get serious about finding the t-shirt design for my next prosthetic leg.  I really like how my current leg turned out.  Maybe I’ll just do that one again.   We’ll see if I can find another design that is something I’d like to wear for the next few years.  It is sort of like having a short-term tattoo.

I am grateful for the great care I am getting from my prosthetist and medical team.  Much of what they are doing for me is similar to a sharpshooter trying to hit a moving target while riding on a horse.  I’d be so lost without their expertise and experience. 

Thought for the Day:

With it starting to get into the prime bow hunting, the timing of my leg not fitting properly is a bit frustrating; so I hope that I can still manage to get out to the woods over the next few weeks.  No matter what happens I have been able to get out and enjoy the woods more this year than I did last, so I will be content (yet somewhat disappointed) if I cannot.

Contentment is difficult to obtain at times.  We face disappointments, change of plans, and reversals of fortune all the time.  Things just don’t work out.  People fail us.  Situations change.  Most of these things happen outside of our control.  It would be so easy to become despondent over these loses; but why should we let them do that?  If we did, the end result would be that these uncontrolled events would suck all the joy of our lives out of us.  We’d be left with dried up husk of bitterness and disappointment.

While it is true that we face disappointments and loss, we also encounter moments of joy and beauty.  I believe that by a significant margin these positive aspects seriously outnumber the negative things that happen to us.  We tend to focus upon the negative and forget to notice the positive.  You might have a number of positive things happen to you in a day; but let just one negative thing happen and what do we focus upon and remember?  One of the things we must do is learn to look and remember all the good things that we have encountered recently.  We need to magnify those things and minimize the negative things.

If we choose to focus our attention on the positive, our hearts will be lighter, our thoughts will be brighter, and our outlook will be sunnier.  This is not to say that hard and difficult things are happening to us; but we just don’t benefit by continual introspection and dwelling upon those things.  Although it may feel like it, our lives are not ruined and certainly our lives are not over because of the imperfections we face.

The way most of us go through life is like finding a $100 bill on the ground and then focusing on the fact that it isn’t crisp and clean and it has a slight tear in it, instead of realizing that WE ARE $100 RICHER!!!!!

Philippians 4:8   “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”