Update:
It’s been some time since I’ve last posted anything. I went through a tough stretch where I was in
an emotional funk. I misplaced my more
upbeat, “I can do this” attitude. The
reality is that while a positive attitude and determination is important to
keep going, sometimes your body doesn’t cooperate with your plans and you get
stuck wherever you’re currently at. Six
weeks or so ago I was in difficult place.
After over a year of trying and searching for relief from the hypertensive
nerve pain that has severely limiting me, I was mentally and emotionally tired
and questioning if there were any answers to my problem. I developed a sense of apathy and just couldn’t
get too motivated. I really hated
feeling like that! It stinks to feel
like you’ve reached a dead end and there isn’t any hope for something better.
To be honest, I had a lot to celebrate.
After spending a full year in a wheelchair, I was up on two legs and
able to do some limited walking. I had
to plan my days carefully because I only had a few hours each day that I could
use the prosthesis before the pain in my limb put me back in the
wheelchair. I had discomfort immediately
upon donning my prosthetic leg; but it would transition to pain that I couldn’t
ignore fairly quickly. That was a major
victory from not being able to bear any weight on my leg at all! I was able to do some things that I hadn’t
done for a while but many things were still outside of my ability. For example, now I was able, with difficulty,
to climb stairs and to take a short walk into places. I could visit friends who didn’t have a
wheelchair ramp and walk between the racks of clothes in a store (something not
easily done or impossible in a wheelchair). I also paid a price for everything that I did. The more I did (and it didn’t take much) the
more nerve pain I would endure afterwards.
Some nights it kept me awake.
Sometimes I wouldn’t really be up to doing anything else for a couple of
days afterwards. On the other hand, I
could get out and do some things, and that was awesome!
But after numerous tests, evaluations, and attempted solutions, I was
losing hope and the determination to keep fighting. There are only so many times you can place
your hope in the next attempted treatment or therapy after so many others had
been unsuccessful. I’m very thankful that my medical team hasn’t given up on me
and has kept searching for potential answers.
Even if I wasn’t asking—they were looking out for me!
Switching me to an elevated vacuum system on my prosthesis helped
some. Getting steroid injections in the
nerves helped additionally. Getting some
physical therapy helped some too. PT increased my immediate pain but I seemed
to tolerate doing a bit more in prosthesis over time. I recently started a new therapy called Barral
Nerve Manipulation and I think it’s making a real difference. Recently I was able to tolerate playing
basketball (without running or jumping) and stay standing on my prosthesis for
two straight hours. Oh! I’m feeling the
pain and loss of sleep afterwards; but I could do it! That is the most forward progress I’ve made
in some time.
Obviously, the recent progress I’ve made has helped remove my funky
attitude but I was coming out of it before.
This has just accelerated the process.
What had started me back up out of the hole I was in was a decision to
quit focusing on what I couldn’t do and to be grateful for what I could
do. A basic change of focus really
helped. I was also able to talk with a
trusted friend and do a little venting with a group of people who understand
what I’m going through. Their support
also helped get my head back on straight.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and how far I will be able to
move forward long term; but I plan to keep on putting one foot in front of the
other with my head held high and determination just to see how far I can get!
Another thing that has raised my spirits is that I am now a
grandpa! There is nothing like holding a
sweet little granddaughter to fill your heart with joy and gladness! I teasingly asked my daughter if the baby had
20 fingers and toes, or only 15. When
she said, “20” I responded, “Good, she takes after your mother and not after
me.” Ha! Ha! Here’s a photo of me and Amira:
Recently I was able to play basketball against the local adult Special
Olympic teams. That was quite a stretch
for me. I haven’t even walked without a
cane before going out on the court.
Hard-headed determination sometimes causes us to do things that aren’t
the wisest to do. I was afraid of
falling and breaking something which would really set me back; but I got off
the court fairly unscathed. I did fall
once when my feet got tangled trying to get around a defender. Thankfully it was a kind of slow-motion fall. The ref called the play dead and the SO
players all came over to help me stand back up!
Here’s a link to a news cast about the game.
You’ll see me in my prosthesis towards the end of the clip (including my
fall). I'm in the red shirt with the number 1 1/2 (which I requested):
It’s been almost two and a half years since my amputation. Yesterday, I kept having phantom pain. It felt like someone was running over my toes
with a car or poking hot needles through my toes. Not pleasant at all! Last night, I managed to get some sleep in
between bouts of pain. At one point I
woke up to severe pain in my toes (on the foot that was amputated). In my sleepy state, I thought that if I would
just reach down and rub my toes, it would ease the pain. I was surprised when I grasped air and found
that I didn’t have a foot at all. It
took me a moment to wake up enough to understand and begin laughing at myself.
I share my story with you with the understanding that in many ways I am
not unique. There are many people around
you that are suffering from all sorts of illness or injury, many worse than
mine. Not all of them are amputees. Not all of them are obviously in pain or
struggling. Many people just go through
life trying to do the best they can with what life has dealt them. They may look pretty good in public; but we
never see the effort or struggle that it takes for them to get there, nor do we
see what that effort cost them afterwards.
The news media often celebrate people who overcome incredible odds to be
victorious in completion. Not everyone
who struggles is noticed. Not everyone
with difficulties is considered newsworthy.
But I think that everyone who does is a winner and worthy of
admiration! In fact, I think that those
who continue to struggle and never quite win or achieve are the most worthy of
our admiration. I thank you for being an
inspiration to me!
