Wednesday (12/31/2014)

Update:

I just got off the phone with my prosthetist discussing options about what we can do with my leg to reduce the pain I’ve been experiencing.  Currently I am experiencing increasing discomfort from the moment I put the leg on that grows into pain by the afternoon each day.  By 5:30 p.m. each day I cannot ignore the pain any longer and I have to take my prosthesis off.  Mentally, that wears me out and limits my evenings to staying at home because I’ve got nothing left.

Next Wednesday (1/7/2015) I’ve got an appointment with the prosthetist that will last the afternoon as we continue to discuss options and she shows me examples of them.  All the options are designed to take some of the pressure and weight bearing off of my knee and move it up to the thigh.  One option is called a “thigh lacer” which is a leather cuff that goes around my thigh and is attached to the prosthesis at the knee joint.  Another option is changing from my pin system to a sleeve suspension.  I don’t know a lot about that except that I’ve been told that it makes the knee joint stiffer.  I don’t like the sound of that because in my current pin system, I already have trouble getting down on one knee and it barely is enough bend to ride my bicycle now.  I hope that I don’t have to lose that ability as well.

So next Wednesday will be spent tweaking, exploring, and deciding on which option to go with.  I’ll probably be re-cast so that we can start fresh with a socket that is as close to my current shape as possible.

I’d appreciate your prayers for wisdom about which direction to head as well as skillful ability and intuition for my prosthetist.  She has to interpret what I tell her I am feeling into action plans based upon body structure and functionality.  Some of what I think I feel may not be actually what is happening since my brain doesn’t necessarily know that my leg is missing—it still receives messages from the nerves (thus giving phantom feelings and pain).  So it is quite a puzzle to solve. 

I’ve been frustrated these last few months since I haven’t had the ability to fully continue doing the things I enjoy and need to do.  Like I said before, I don’t go out much at night.  That limits my church involvement and most of my time as Chaplain for the police and fire departments.  The pain (although mostly low grade) eats away at my ability to focus throughout the day.  My prosthetist believes that given another month or so with the new options, we should see improvement which will allow me to resume more of my old schedule.  I hope so.  It is frustrated being so limited.

On a positive note, my wife and I have been married 37 years today!  The events of the last year have caused us to grow much closer together.  We are going out for an early dinner this evening to celebrate.  The good thing about getting married on New Year’s Eve is that it is nearly impossible for me to forget our anniversary!  The bad thing is that we rarely go out on our anniversary because of the crowds of people all out to celebrate.  With my weight loss and the cold weather, I’ve had a hard time staying warm in bed at night.  So my wife and I are going to go buy an electric blanket as an anniversary gift for me.  Who could imagine that I, Steve Hurd, would want an electric blanket?  It is a gift that will give me “warm feelings” all winter long!

Thought for the Day:

As we close out 2014 and get ready to begin a new year, I look back on this past year with thankfulness. I believe that despite the difficulties that I’ve faced, this is also been one of the most blessed years that I can remember.  I’ve been blessed by a number of people who have made an extra effort to care for me and to help me along the way.  Most notably, my wife has taken on a larger role in caring for me and doing things that I used to do for us.  We’ve struck a good balance between allowing me to do for myself what I can and her doing the things I need help in accomplishing.  We make a good team and I am thankful for all her labors on my behalf.  I think back to the men who have shoveled snow for me last winter.  I’m grateful to my children for taking the time to drive me to medical appointments when I needed a designated driver, and for just spending time with me in the evenings when I was housebound and fairly helpless immediately after my amputation.  Many in the church have covered for my absence and continued the work of ministry even when I couldn’t.  My church has also been gracious in giving me time to recover, allowing me to work from home more, and have a reduced work load, etc.  I have had countless prayers and well-wishes offered in my name. I am extremely thankful for my medical team who I rely upon continually.  They’ve enabled me to regain much of my old life.  Yes, although it’s been a trying year, I’ve been blessed and I am truly thankful. 

Although your life is certainly less than perfect and you face struggles, frustration, sorrow, and pain, like we all do—there is still something to be thankful for.  I’d encourage you as this year closes and a new year begins that you take time to ponder and look back with thankfulness on all the blessings you’ve received.  And may God bless you with even a better year to come!  Happy New Year!

Saturday (12/27/2014)

Update:

I received an initial report concerning my MRI on my left knee.  I have a slight fray in my ACL and there was a “signal change” in my meniscus.  As I understand it, the signal change indicates that something is not right; however, there is no tear in the meniscus.  So although my knee is damaged, nothing disastrous was found.  I was told that my rehab doctor would consult with my prosthetist and come up with a treatment plan.  From what I have read on-line, I’m guessing that it will involve some physical therapy and possibly some changes in my prosthesis.  I don’t really know.  I am confident that at this point there is no surgery will be suggested.  Meanwhile, since I wasn’t told otherwise, I continue on with my daily routine as much as possible.

Usually by about 5 p.m. my leg hurts enough that I take my prosthesis off for the rest of the evening.   I think some of the pain I am experiencing is from the nerves that run along the fibula.  At the very bottom edge, I can sense some tingling when I touch it.  At times, touching it also sends an electrical shock along the rest of the leading edge of my stump.  Those little shocks are not so bad all alone; but cumulatively they begin to add up so that by the late afternoon; they start to overwhelm my ability to ignore them. 

I am still able to do most things that I want to do.  I just can’t do them for very long or go all day from one thing to another.  I have definite limits that stop me from continuing.  It is frustrating to know that I used to be able to keep going all day and into the evening; and now I am limited to a few hours of activities and then I’m done.  If we can get the pain issue under better control, I could do a whole lot more.  Right now that pain robs me of the motivation and energy to keep going as long as I used to do.  So while things aren’t bad, they certainly are not the way they should be.

Here’s a link to a video of me getting firewood into my house: 

Thought for the Day:

I just started reading Warren Wiersbe’s book, “The Bumps Are What You Climb On.”  The title comes from an account of a brother and sister climbing a mountain path.  The sister complains that the way is rough and it really isn’t even a path, “It’s all rocky and bumpy.”  The brother responds that “the bumps are what you climb on.”

Wiersbe says that “The trouble with most of us is that we are accustomed to paved roads and level sidewalks.  But life is not made that way.  Sometimes the road is level and easy, and the birds are singing and the way is wonderful. But sometimes the road is rocky and bumpy, and we hear no music and feel no helping hand.  Then what?  Complain?  Give up?  No, that’s the time to remember God’s promise.”  [Warren Wiersbe, “The Bumps are What You Climb On”]

Psalm 91:11-12   “For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

God doesn’t promise us a smooth and easy path.  But He will send help to enable us to keep on climbing.  If you look at the biography of any great person in the bible, their life was filled with trouble, turmoil, and difficulty.  And yet they rose above the circumstances they faced, overcoming incredible odds.  The bumps that they encountered helped to shape them into the people God could use.

“But there are rocks and bumps even on the paths of God’s choosing, and we have to learn to accept them and benefit from them.  The bumps are what you climb on…  The secret to climbing higher is to look away from yourself and your difficulties, and look by faith to Jesus Christ.” [Warren Wiersbe, “The Bumps are What You Climb On”]

Psalm 91:15   “He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.”

Whatever your path, it is not intended to destroy you.  Instead, it will be used to strengthen you, to show you that you have more within you than you imagined, and to cause you to draw closer to God when you are at the end of your strength and resources.  Nobody likes the bumps; but don’t forget they have a purpose.

Wednesday (12/24/2014

Thought for the Day:

Our world is filled with strife, grief, pain and suffering.  Just watch the news and you see protesters who are upset, angry and sometimes violent.  Some people are waiting for a cure or relief from pain that doesn’t come.  Others have suffered the loss of a loved one and cannot focus on anything else right now.  In communities, churches, and even in families there may be discord and unrest.  Individuals may experience feelings so strong that they are unable to focus upon anything else except the problem that they face.  Life can be so overwhelming!

My wish and prayer for each one of us is that at least for the next couple of days, we could lay aside all of those things; that everything that burdens us could be placed in the Lord’s care; that we could breathe easy and have peace flood our souls; that we might focus upon worshiping Christ at Christmas and enjoy the love of our families and of the Lord.

My wish is that there would be “Peace on Earth—Goodwill towards Men!”

As Tiny Tim, Bob Cratchit’s ill son, declares at the end of Charles Dicken’s A Christmas Carol, “God bless us! Every One!”

Tuesday (12/23/2014)

Update:

I had an MRI done on my left knee this morning at 6:15 a.m.  They are trying to determine what is causing the painful pops in my knee.  This is the first time that I’ve had an MRI.  When I scheduled the MRI last week, I was asked if I was claustrophobic and needed to be sedated for the procedure.  Fortunately, I got to go in feet first and my head and neck stayed outside the tube.  If I had gone in the other way, my face would have been right there at the ‘ceiling’ and I might have had trouble.  As it was, I didn’t have it too bad although I didn’t like having to lay still that long—I like to move around more often.  I was also amazed at how loud the machine is while conducting the MRI.  It is very amazing technology!

As I slid into the opening, I did laugh a bit thinking about the joke about cops hating to have a MRI done.  “Do you know why police officers are afraid of having an MRI?  Because it looks like the giant doughnut is going to eat THEM!”

Anyway, I’ve got my MRI done and now I have to wait to hear the results from my doctor.  I assume that with it being Christmas this week that it will be at least next week (or longer) before I hear from her office.   Meanwhile my leg is uncomfortable and hurts.  Hopefully we’ll find the reason and an effective treatment soon.

Yesterday afternoon, I had my monthly eye exam.  I still have considerable swelling and cholesterol deposits in my eyes.  My left eye has responded to the treatment more readily; my right eye was worse to begin with.  Both eyes are better than they were so the monthly eye injections will continue for now.  My daughter asked me if I am used to having eye injections now.  To a certain degree I am.  I don’t have to spend so much time keeping myself calm before the procedure.  I’m still nervous and uncomfortable when the doctor does it; but I am not on the verge of panic or anything.  I’ve never even liked eye drops or having anything get close to my eyes; so I think I am handling it all very well considering.  After the procedure yesterday afternoon, I went straight to bed until this morning.  The worst of the pain is over now.  Although my eye still feels like I got it poked very badly and have a lot of dirt and grit in it.  That pain will last for a couple more days.  Because of the eye pain, I’ve got a nice headache and find driving, reading, watching TV, etc. uncomfortable.  It will take the rest of today for my vision to return to normal.  I am so grateful that I can see as well as I do.  If my left eye was as bad as my right eye, I wouldn’t be able to drive or do much reading at all.  As it reading can be painful and difficult at times.

But hey!  Despite all my aches and pains, I am alive and enjoying life!  And I hope that you are too!

Thought for the Day: 

At this time of year many people talk about what is the true meaning of Christmas and what is the reason for the season.  As a Christian, I’ll put my two cents in.  Christmas is about giving and receiving a gift.  Yep!  That’s right!  I believe that the true meaning of Christmas is about giving and receiving a gift.  Just not the kind you can purchase in a store.  The true meaning of Christmas is that God the Father gave us His Son, Jesus Christ who came as a baby to live among us.  He came with a purpose—to die in our place as a payment for our sins so that we could be set free.  That’s the giving part.  The receiving part is for us to believe and accept that Jesus did that for us.

As a parent, I know how good it feels to give my children something that they really need and cannot get on their own.  It gives me joy and satisfaction to provide something like.  I remember being on the receiving end of gifts like that and it made me deeply appreciate what had been given.  I was never too proud to not accept that kind of gift.  “Oh, no!  I could never accept this gift—it’s too generous!”  Those words never came out of my mouth!  I was grateful and thankful as I accepted what I could never obtain for myself.

What God offers us is truly the best Christmas present ever!  I hope that you have believed and accept His gift.   Merry Christmas!

Friday (12/19/2014) part 2

Here is another short video of me walking in the woods:

Friday (12/19/2014)

Update

I've got a short video update for today: 

Thursday (12/18/2014)

Update:

On Wednesday I had a couple of close encounters with slipping while using my cane.  When I went out on the deck to get the newspaper, as I bent over, my cane went flying out to the side. Fortunately, I was already bending over and caught myself with my left arm.  The wood deck had a bit of frost on it, so I just assumed that is why the can slipped.  Later indoors on the dry kitchen floor, my cane slipped out again.  What is going on?  After closer inspection I found that I have worn the tip of the cane through.  The silicone plug in the bottom of the can was showing through.  No wonder I was having trouble with it.  So I wore through the tip on my cane in less than nine months.  Good thing that I have a backup cane until I can get this tip replaced!  By the way, I did check the tip on my other cane and it is still solid.

I’m completely over the flu now.  I was very disappointed that I wasn’t able to attend church on Sunday.  That is always a bummer to me.  Maybe I’m just a bit more easily tired; but that is about it.  My left knee (on my amputated leg) has been giving me more discomfort and pain.  By about 5 p.m. it reaches the point where I am done for the day so I take my leg off and use the wheelchair for the evening.  MRI is scheduled for next Tuesday to determine what is causing the popping in the joint and the pain.  Not knowing what the problem is and what the possible treatment options are is an emotional drain for me.  I don’t handle the unknown as well as I would like (not that I want any more practice at it please!).  As I think about it; most “certainty” has been removed from my life.  Every day has its new challenges and discoveries (not always pleasant ones).  Scheduling any activity is an act of faith—not knowing if I’ll be up for it or I’ll have to cancel it.  One thing that I’ve learned about being an amputee is that everyone is different.  People heal at different rates and experience an array of different problems.  The level of mobility and activities that can be resumed varies considerably.  Especially as a new amputee, that makes it hard is you try to find out what you are facing and what you can expect.  Expect the unexpected!  Oh there is that darned ‘unknown’ again!  I’ve said before that I’ve grown in patience (and I have).  I guess that facing the unknown is just another form of patience because eventually the unknown arrives and you know exactly what it is.  I just have to be patient and it will be revealed.  I have to admit that as a kid I never liked waiting to find out what my gifts under the Christmas tree were either.  Waiting can be so hard!  But I can do it!  Especially if I don’t have any other choice.  “Okay Steve, take a deep breath and relax.  Wait for it.  Wait for it…”

NOTE:  Hey, I just want to express how much it helps me to write about what’s going on in my life.  I don’t know if it helps you; but it does a lot for me just journaling.  The problems and difficulties that I write about are real and personal.  Often times in my ‘Thought for the Day’ I am “ghost-writing” what other friends and FB acquaintances are experiencing.  Sometimes when I write, I carry it to an extreme to make a point.  I just want you to know that although I struggle and have my ups and downs; I am doing fine and enjoying life.  Remember that a roller coaster wouldn’t be much fun if it was all uphill and level!  Life—what a ride!

Thought for the Day:

Do you ever feel overwhelmed?  Are the burdens of your life more than you can handle?  It doesn’t matter if it is caused by a physical, emotional, mental, relational, vocational, or spiritual distress (or a combination of them all).  It doesn’t matter if it is happening to you directly or to someone you love.  Too much is too much. 

Most of us carry around some amount of burden each day.  We are used to the load and we bear up under it pretty well.  It might be a struggle; but we handle it.  By the end of the day we are weary and are ready to lay our burden down.  However, certain days just seem to come along and add a bit more stress and our burden grows to the point that it overwhelms us.  It becomes too much for us to bear.  It might be a very minor thing that causes us to reach that tipping point because the burden we are carrying daily is almost to our capacity.  And then just a tiny bit more throws us over the edge.

What do you do when you are overwhelmed?  What can you do? 

Some people insulate themselves and try not to feel.  We might overuse comfort food, immerse ourselves in entertainment, drown our sorrows in alcohol, or numb ourselves with drugs, etc.  We seek whatever forms of pleasure we can find; even if they may not be the healthiest for us.

Some people dig a little deeper and find some hidden strength within themselves to rise above their burdens once again.  Their attitude, determination, and even desperation help them go beyond what most people are capable of bearing.  Marathon runners will ‘hit the wall’ and be overcome with fatigue and loss of energy.  Somehow they find it within themselves to keep putting one foot in front of the other and finish the race anyway.

Some people just need a little more rest, a bit of food, or a little down time so that they can recharge.

But eventually, everyone reaches the point of being overwhelmed and none of their normal coping mechanisms work any longer.  As the saying goes, “you can’t beat a dead horse.”

At that point, what I do is turn to God.  He is a hidden resource for many people.  They draw strength, encouragement, and renewed vigor from their relationship with Him.

I had a friend comment that they were afraid that I was “struggling because of my recent setbacks.”  I responded, “I am struggling more; but I have a God greater than any problem I face.  I just have to remember that and stay connected to Him.”  As I was pondering all of this, I came across this bible verse.

Psalm 61:1-4   “Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.”

May whatever burdens you bear be easy; but when they threaten to overwhelm you, may you find the renewed strength through your relationship with God.

Wednesday (12/17/2014):

Thought for the Day:

Talking with my son, Jonathan, today I recalled the time we got “a bit disoriented” in the woods.  A number of years ago we were out hunting with some friends in an area I’d never been before.  I was told to wait 15 minutes and then walk straight ahead (I’ll call it west) and in about a ½ mile or so we would run into the road.  I was warned that in this area, the road to our west was the only road in the area for miles around.  Everything else (north, south, and east) was just acres and acres of woods.  In other words, pay attention to where you are going and don’t get lost.

Jon and I waited the allotted time and then slowly began walking west according to my compass.  I usually am fairly good at orienteering, so I was a bit confused when we had walked for some time and not hit the road.  I confirmed with Jon that we were told to head west, took a compass bearing, and started again.  Every 20-30 yards, I would check the compass again.  Yep, heading west!  After a while, not only did we NOT hit the road, we ended up back where we started from!!!  We had walked in a large circle in the woods.  I’ve never done that before!

By now, sunset was drawing closer and I was getting concerned.  I really didn’t have any idea how far away from the road we had walked and something was wrong with my compass.  Fortunately about that time, I heard a vehicle on the highway, way off in the distance.  In the woods telling direction from sound can be tricky; but we did our best and heading in that direction.  This time I didn’t use the compass.  I would choose two distinctive terrain marks in the distance one behind the other.  It is really hard to walk a straight line in the woods.  Trees, brush, sticker bushes, fallen trees, streams and ravines get in the way.  Choosing to keep two objects in line really helps maintaining a straight course.

Right about dusk, we finally hit the road.  We had to walk a bit to get to the truck; but we made it.  The guys we had been hunting with had been getting concerned since we were long overdue.  After I told them about walking in a circle, they laughed as they said, “Oh, yeah!  We forgot to tell you that a compass doesn’t work in this area.  There is too much iron ore in the ground.”

So here’s my point. You and I are on a journey--a journey we call “life.”  Life has its twists and turns, ups and downs, as well as steep climbs and treacherous descents.  Some of the paths we follow are well--marked and well-known to us.  At other times we are traveling down unfamiliar roads and it would be easy to get off the path and lose our way.  Each one of us is heading towards a destination and sometimes it gets tough to follow the path—the road is so rough and we are so weary.  Detours and dead-ends cause us to turn around and backtrack.  Sometimes the underbrush is so dense, we really cannot tell if we are traveling in the right direction or not.  It can take all of our skill for us to keep heading in the right direction.  There are times when the sun is shining and it’s a beautiful day and you whistle a happy tune as you skip along.  On other days, it is gloomy and stormy and it’s hard to hold your head up and you just want to give up. 

I have no idea what kind of path you are walking today.  All I know is what I see around me—the path that I am on.  I don’t know if you are having a walk in the park or feel like you’re on a death march.  My caution to you is to not lose sight of where you are heading.  The best advice I have for you is to follow a compass that always points true north.  Better yet, find a guide that has walked this path before and can show you the way and be a traveling companion.  If the going is rough; it’s always better to hike with a friend and not go it alone.

For me, I have found God’s written word, the bible, to be a trustworthy compass.  If I follow it; it will keep me on the straight and narrow.  I’ve also found that Jesus Christ is the best guide that I can have along.  Through my relationship with Him, I find encouragement, strength, comfort, and when I need it, challenge.  I’ve also met a number of other travelers along the way who I share a part of my journey with.  I appreciate their company and whatever help they offer me as well.

As you are on your journey; don’t lose sight of where you are headed.  Don’t get sidetracked or lose focus.  Keep the goal you are headed towards in mind and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Step by step, you’ll eventually reach your destination.

I’ve heard that that walking the Appalachian Trail is quite an accomplishment to complete.  It takes determination, grit and fortitude to complete all 2,160 miles.  Those who complete it feel a deep satisfaction.  My wish for each of us is to face our life’s journey with the same kind of determination, grit and fortitude.  Today, just worry about taking the next step and keep on walking towards your goal.

Monday (12/15/2014)

Update:

After evaluating my knee today, my physical rehab doctor has scheduled me for an MRI next Tuesday (12/23).  She suspects I may have a torn meniscus (cartilage between the femur and the tibia).  The MRI will help determine if that is my problem.  If it is, then we have to decide a course of treatment.  Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a sure bet, “this will definitely work,” kind of treatment.  My age and being an amputee also works against me.  So we will just have to see where this leads.  Another possibility is that I have developed arthritis on the patella.  Once again, there is no perfect treatment that would certainly work in my case.

The doctor and I decided to postpone turning my test socket in to have my new permanent leg made until we get answers and a treatment plan.  If treatment and recovery take a few weeks, a month, or more, then it makes sense to wait to double check the fit of the test socket before making the leg.  If we didn’t, then worst case is that I have a long recovery before I can walk and the newly made leg doesn’t fit anymore and another new one would have another one built (wasting the new leg).  So, I guess I am not getting a new leg for Christmas after all…Bah! Humbug!  My guess is that I will be wearing this creaky old test socket into the New Year. 

Last year when I had my amputation, the doctor signed a form so that I could get handicap vehicle plates.  At the time I chose to just get the little placard that hangs from the rearview mirror.  I guess I wasn’t ready to hang that identification on me everywhere I go.  I also wasn’t certain how much I would need handicap parking.  I had pictured in my mind that I would need it for a few months and then I’d get my leg and never need it again.  It certainly hasn’t turned out like that for me.  Distance restrictions on my walking, pain if I overuse my leg, and being restricted to a wheelchair about ¼ of the time have me using the handicap placard all the time.  I don’t foresee that changing anytime in the future; so I’ve decided to get the handicap plates.  That way I don’t have to keep putting the placard up every time I park and then taking it back down whenever I drive.   After three or four stops, it gets to be a hassle.  I guess you could say that I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I am an amputee and always will be. 

Karen and I went to the grocery store after my doctor’s appointment.  I pulled into an empty handicap spot right next to a car that had just parked.  An older man got out and waited for his wife who had some difficulty walking.  As he waited, he glared angrily at us.  I’m certain that he figured I was just some lazy guy grabbing a close parking spot and had no right to be using a handicap slot.  I’ve had this happen to my quite often actually.  I certainly am not perfect at doing this; but these kind of encounters remind me not to judge other people by outward appearance or at first glance.  You really don’t know what is going on until you get to know someone.  So don’t jump to conclusions!  I am certain that I confuse some people when I park in a handicap spot at the gym, use a cane to walk inside and then workout for 90 minutes.  Using the handicap spot allows me to do more than I could if I had to park out farther and then walk in.  I only have so much strength (and allowed so many steps per day).  When I use up my allotment—I’m done.  So the handicap parking helps me stretch it out and do more with what I’ve got.  People get it if I climb out of the truck and into a wheelchair; I think it doesn’t cross their minds to think about restrictions and limits.  I have to admit that sometimes I wonder why a person has a handicap plate when I see them get out at a store; but I know enough to realize that I don’t know everything about them and their medical condition—so I just shrug my shoulders, wish them well, and go on with my day.

Saturday (12/13/2014)

Update:

On Wednesday morning after my hour-long swim, I showered at that gym.  While getting dressed my leg jammed as I was donning my prosthesis.  I couldn’t get my leg completely seated in the prosthesis but I also couldn’t get the lock to release my leg.  My release button has a notch that if you have a quarter or something similar you can turn it to get the leg seated even when it is jammed.  I didn’t have anything like that with me in the shower.  I ended up having to hobble from the shower area to the locker room.  I had a house key in my gym bag that worked perfectly in my lock.  Unfortunately walking that short distance without the leg fully seated was painful.  In effect, without the leg fully seated, I was supporting my weight on the end of the stump rather than where it is designed to support me.  For the next couple of days the bottom of my stump was tender; it finally feels back to normal now.  The moral of the story is that I should carry a quarter with me wherever I go—even to the shower!

On Wednesday afternoon, I came down with the flu that kept me at home Wednesday night, and all day Thursday and Friday.  I spent all day in bed on Thursday.  On Friday I was able to shower, get dressed and put my leg on.  I wasn’t feeling well enough to do much; but it felt good to be up and moving at least a little bit.  And on the positive note, having the flu helped me lose another pound or two of the weight that I’ve wanted to shed. 

Monday morning (12/15/2014) I have a doctor’s appointment with my physiatrist to evaluate why my left knee keeps popping.  At times it is painful, which is a good indication that something is not right.  I might be sent for x-rays or an MRI depending upon what the doctor finds.  Worst case scenario is something that would require surgery.  Hopefully whatever is wrong can be fixed with some physical therapy.

Later on Monday, I am supposed to turn my test socket in so that my next permanent leg can be built.  For the last month, we’ve been adjusting the test socket trying to get the fit just right so I don’t have any pain or discomfort.  They will take my leg and use it as a mold for shaping my new leg.  The new leg will be built of sturdier, more durable components.  If you have been around me recently, you’ve noticed that my test socket makes a LOT OF NOISE when I walk.  It was made to be more flexible and easily adjusted.  Over time the parts begin to wear creating a lot of creaking and cracking noise when it is in use.  They wanted me to try out the test socket in my normal routine, so I’ve been out to the woods and working out at the gym regularly.  That has put a lot of hard wear and tear on the socket. 

So I will be back in the wheelchair for about eight days (Monday 12/15 to Tuesday 12/23) while my new leg is being built.  I’ll get my new permanent leg just in time for Christmas!  I’m not looking forward to being limited to the wheelchair for eight days but it is all part of the process.  I guess that I will be easily be able to identify with the kids that cannot wait for Christmas day to arrive.  This new leg should last me anywhere from one to two years before a replacement will have to be built.  I’ve been told that the next leg after this one should last two to four years.  As time goes by my residual leg “matures.”  All excess tissue is reduced and the unused muscles atrophy.  Eventually, there is nothing left that will change thus allowing a snug, secure fit with my prosthesis for a longer period.  Parts do wear out eventually so there is no such thing as truly “permanent” when it comes to prosthetic legs.

Thought for the Day:

The one constant thing in our lives is change.  We grow up.  We grow old.  We die.  We are single.  We get married.  We have kids. They grow up.  They get married.  We have grandkids.  In every area of our lives there is an on-going process of change.  Some change we look forward to and other changes we dread.  We often try to hang onto the way things used to be or we’ve grown comfortable with the way things are.  Sometimes we strive to hang on for too long.  I like a recent Dilbert comic.  It’s painfully too true.

Traditions are great to hang onto; but there are some things in life that for our own good we need to change.  Whether it is a bad diet, an unhealthy relationship, an annoying habit, or something worse—there are certain things that really should be changed.  But change is hard.

John Maxwell shares some advice about change in his book, “How High Will You Climb?”

“As long as we have acceptable options, we will not change.  There seems to be three times in our lives when we’re most receptive to change.  First, when we hurt so much that we are forced to change… Second, receptivity to change is also heightened when we are bored and become restless…Third, change is apt to occur when we realize that we CAN change…  Nothing sparks the fire of desire more than the sudden realization that you do not have to stay the same…  Accept the following statement for your life: ‘The days ahead are filled with changes that are my challenges.  I will respond to these opportunities with the confidence that my life will be better because of them.  With God all things are possible.’” [John Maxwell, How High Will You Climb? –Determine Your Success By Cultivating the Right Attitude].

Philippians 4:13  “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

Wednesday (12/10/2014)

Thought for the Day: 

Abled Amputees of America (AAA—www.abledamputees.org) posted this list of tips for the family and caregivers of amputees.  I think that with a little adaptation, this list would be helpful for caregivers and family members of all sorts of people (disabled, chronically ill or diseased, aged, etc.).  I would add one additional tip:

Tip # 16.  Take care of yourself too.  Give yourself a couple of hours break or a day off occasionally so that you are refreshed physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Your amputee needs you—so don’t burn yourself out.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help where you need it.  Your family and friends will be happy to help if they just knew what to do.  Take advantage of that so you can get some rest too!

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AAA TIPS: Abled Amputees believes the support of family and friends is one of the most important elements in making a good transition to life as an amputee. This post is for the wife, husband, adult children, caring neighbor or any other relative that care for the “amputee.”

1. Love the amputee even when he or she is grumpy. This is a big life change for them.
2. Encourage them when they need a nudge. It’s easy to get depressed and lazy and or laid back.
3. Watch for signs of depression ~ isolation, tearfulness, changes in appetite, up or down, sleeping too much or too little.
4. Encourage them to ask for help. Most new amputees won’t.
5. Educate yourselves on the use of prosthetics and how they are supposed to look, act and bend. Find out what is normal for a prosthesis.
6. Make sure their home is safe and functional. Do they have food items in a good easy to reach space, throw rugs put away for now, electric cords out of the way. Is the bathroom safe with a grab bar and is a non-slip bath mat in place.
7. Don't let the amputee isolate from you or from their friends. Have regularly schedule meetings, card games, movie night, phone calls. Hold them accountable for keeping in touch with you. 
8. Encourage them to participate in a local support group, you should be able to attend as well and ask questions!
9. Remember, they are still the same person as they were before. Life is not over, it’s just different.
10. Keep humor in all of your lives, it’s the best and cheapest medicine.
11. Encourage them to try new things and encourage independence, slow but sure.
12. Don't worry or fuss over them more than you really need to. Sorry “amps”
13. Watch for any infections or sores on the residual limb, it is hard for them to see all angles and is so important. Especially if they are diabetic.
14. Early on, after the amputation there will be many appointments to keep, MD’s, Prosthetist, Physical Therapists. Offer to help keep a calendar for them, so none will be missed. All of these appointments are vital to a speedy and healthy recovery.
15. Join a support group for families of amputees, they are fewer and harder to find, but so rewarding. 

Tuesday (12/9/2014)

Update:

There are some days that I just want to quit, give up, and not trying anymore.  I guess more accurately, there are moments in my day when I want to do that (I usually don’t feel like that for an entire day).  Maybe I’ve got some distressing news that despite my best effort something is not going well.  My thought is “then why am I putting all this effort into this?  I should just give in and let it go.”  Do you ever have days or moments like that?

Dieting and exercise are good examples.  You deny yourself all sorts of yummy looking food (but not necessarily good for your body) and push your body to exercise for days at a time.  At the end of the week you get on the scale and found out that instead of losing weight that you’ve gained three pounds.  Aargh!  I am tempted to quit instead of persevere.  But just looking at the scale may not give me the entire picture.  Maybe I’ve lost fat but gained muscle.  Maybe my fitness level has improved and my blood pressure or triglycerides have dropped because of my diet and exercise.  If I give up because I am discouraged by lack of immediate progress, I might miss out on some of the best results.  Good things don’t necessarily come quickly or easily.

Over the last month I’ve been trying to get a good, comfortable fit on my latest test socket.  How hard could that be?  After all the thing was made from a mold taken of my leg!  You would think it would be a snap and I would have no problems.  Instead, I’ve experienced some of the most serious pain that I’ve had since my amputation.  Just in the past week or two have we’ve made progress.  But for the first couple of weeks NOTHING seemed to help.  Things seemed to be getting worse and we didn’t make any progress. 

I desperately want to walk and be active.  I have worked hard to regain strength and health so that I can enjoy many of the activities that I used to be able to do.  But after a few weeks of pain, I was getting to the point of wondering, “Will this ever get better?”  I was thinking that if that was the way it was going to be, then maybe sticking with a wheelchair wouldn’t be so bad.  And then a couple of weeks ago, one adjustment we made resulted in a dramatic reduction in pain and discomfort.  My leg wasn’t perfect but it gave me hope that eventually we’d get it figured out.  Now at each appointment with my prosthetist, we makes progress towards a functional, pain-free leg again.

It’s been since mid-October that I was walking comfortably with a socket that fit well.  Compared to the suffering and discomfort that many people experience for various reasons, two months isn’t a long time; but it certainly is longer than I imagined.  Comparatively, my pain has been minor.  That all may be true; but when it is your life that is interrupted with pain and suffering, it seems much more intense! And yet I know that I don’t have much to whine about. 

Each of us needs to learn to dig deep and persevere.  We may not like suffering, hardship or pain but when we stand firm and continue to fight, we usually find that it was worth the battle.  Even if we don’t “win” we are still better off than if we rolled over and played dead.

We need to try our best and continue to try again each new day.  Who knows?  Today might just be the day we achieve victory because we didn’t give in and give up.

I don’t know about you; but I plan to keep taking the next step forward and see how far I can go! 

Thought for the Day:

Here’s a copy of a daily on-line devotional that I read, Today God is First (TGIF) by Os Hillman (December 7, 2014).  I hope his words encourage you as much as they did me!

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" (Rom. 5:2-4).

“Perseverance is the key to every great accomplishment because nothing of lasting value has ever been achieved without it. Industrialist Henry Ford is one of the great success stories of American history, but he failed in business five times before he succeeded. A Ford Motor Company employee once asked his boss the secret of success, and Henry Ford replied, "When you start a thing, don't quit until you finish it."

“The path ahead of you is strewn with obstacles. People will oppose you. There will be financial setbacks, time pressures, illnesses and misfortunes. Some of the biggest obstacles will be inside of you: self-doubt, insecurity, procrastination, and worry. You must give yourself permission to succeed.”

“When we persevere through adversity, we win the approval of our Lord Jesus Christ, who told the suffering church at Ephesus, "I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. . . . You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary" (Rev. 2:2-3). That, I'm sure, is the same commendation Joseph received from God when he passed the perseverance test.”

“Perseverance is a refusal to quit. It's falling down 100 times and getting back up 101 times. We need to remember that perseverance is not a matter of forcing doors to open; it's standing in front of the doors as long as it takes before God chooses to open them.”

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint. The race doesn't go to the swiftest, but to those who don't give up. We need endurance in order to deal with the stress of adversity. We must maintain a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get plenty of rest. People give up or give out when they feel depleted - when they physically, emotionally and spiritually run out of gas.”

“When going through adversity, watch out for pessimists, blamers and toxic personalities. Beware of people who try to talk you out of your dreams and goals. Spend time with optimists and encouragers. Seek out people of faith.”

“Persevere to the end.”   [Os Hillman, Today God is First, 12/7/2014].

Saturday (12/6/2014)

Thought for the Day:

We’re reading Phil Ryken’s book, “Loving the Way Jesus Loves” in my Sunday School class at church.  The book looks at each aspect of love from 1 Corinthians 13 and then shows us how it was demonstrated by the life of Jesus Christ.  This week’s chapter deals with love being patient.  Rykin says that God is “patient both in the sense of being slow to anger and in the sense of waiting for just the right time to do something.”  He illustrates this characteristic with the account of death of Lazarus (John 11:1-44).

John 11:5-6   “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.  So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.”

Jesus hears that his good friend is deathly ill and instead of rushing to get to his side, Jesus delays his departure for a couple of days.  When Jesus finally arrives, Lazarus’ two sisters are upset with Jesus over their brother’s death.  They blame Jesus for his death.  “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:21).  Jesus doesn’t respond harshly to their accusations.  He gently speaks words of faith and encouragement to them.  From the full account it is obvious that Jesus knew His delay would result in Lazarus’ death; but He delayed anyway because He had something greater in mind than raising a sick man from his bed.  He planned on raising a dead man from the grave.

But the family didn’t know this.  All they knew was the grief and sorrow of having a loved one die.  They felt the frustration of knowing Jesus could have stopped him from dying but chose not to do so.  By the time Jesus arrived, Lazarus had been dead and buried for four days.  Four very long days of sadness and mourning for Martha, Mary, as well as for their family and friends.

In the end, Jesus restores Lazarus to life.  I’m certain that the joy of having their brother restored to them totally erased the grief they had known.  In the process, Jesus is shown to have greater power than they had imagined and God is glorified and praised.

What really captured my heart as I read through this chapter in the book was Ryken’s conclusions.  “John 11 does something more than show us the loving patience of Jesus Christ.  It also helps us understand why WE should be patient—patient with God, patient with our circumstances in life, and patient with other people.”

Ryken cites four reasons that love is patient:

1) God is always in control.

2) God is at work.

3)  Love waits through suffering.

4) God will make everything turn out right in the end.

As I look back over my life in the past year, I remember events and times when I questioned why God hadn’t stepped in and stopped what was happening.  I questioned whether God cared.  I wondered why He didn’t act if He could have.  Contrary to the testimony of the bible, God certainly didn’t seem to be involved in human affairs—at least not mine.  I eventually found peace with what has happened soon after the events; but Ryken’s reasons helped me gain a greater perspective (or at least reminded me of what I already knew to be true).

Here’s the lesson to be learned.  Suffering does not mean that God has forgotten about you, is punishing you, or hates you.  It doesn’t mean that life is outside of His control or ability to influence.  It doesn’t mean that He has given up or stopped caring or working behind the scenes.  Here is where faith comes in.  We have to trust Him even when we don’t understand what is happening and we desperately want a different outcome.  Will we allow God to be God?  Or will we turn our backs on Him and give up on faith the moment things don’t seem to be turning out the way we had hoped for?

Ryken includes a prayer for patience in this chapter: “Lord, I’m so impatient right now that I can hardly stand it.  But deep down I know that you are in this situation, not outside of it, and that you are doing something good here.  Help me to see what you are doing, or at least to believe that you know what you are doing, even if I can’t see it.”

The chapter on “Love Waits” concludes with these remarks:  “This too is something to remember whenever we get impatient: God will make everything come out right in the end.  Jesus is never early and never late but always right on time.  He is not indifferent to the suffering of a fallen world, any more than he was indifferent to Lazarus and his sisters.  In his love, he plans to bring all our sufferings to an end.  His great day will come at exactly the right moment.  When it comes, we will see his glory.  Then we will know that he was in control all along, working everything for good, even through suffering, and that there was never any reason for us to be impatient at all.”

I recommend you pick up the book and read the complete chapter for yourself.  Although I’ve grown in my patience over the last year—I still have a long way to go.  I’m appreciate of the reminder that God is in control and at work.  Sometimes I forget that.  It is all too easy to just accept the world and our situation at face value and never look behind the veil and see the spiritual dimension that is on-going. 

Some of you might think my thoughts are a bit strange and I’m relying on the “crutch of religion” to support me.  Hey, don’t forget that I rely upon a prosthetic leg to support me and enable me to stand and continue on through this journey called life.  I’ll take any support and help that I can get if it allows me to make sense of life and keep on moving forward.  I hope that you will do the same.

Thursday (12/4/2014)

Update:

Since getting out of the hospital last December, I’ve been busy going to medical appointments.  I think that I have lost track of a few, but here’s what I have a record of:

 2 visits to my primary care doctor

 4 visits to my surgeon (after hospital discharge)

 8 visits to my physiatrist (physical rehab doctor)

 9 visits to my physical therapist

 6 visits to my podiatrist (foot doctor for my right foot)

19 visits to my eye doctors (retinal specialist + general)

31 visits to my prosthetist (builds and adjusts my prosthetic leg)

That is a total of 79 medical appoints for the last year. 

I already have 4 other appointments scheduled for the rest of December and I would guess that the total number of appointments in December will go up to about ten.  So I should come close to having 90 medical appointments in 2014.  WOW!  For a guy who rarely went to the doctor for most of my life, I am certainly making up for it now.  I hope that in 2015, I can keep my total number of appointments down to a more reasonable 40 or so.

I am very thankful for the quality care that I have been receiving.  I’ve grown to know my physicians very well—in fact, I am on a first name basis with all of them now—I call them “Doctor.”  J  I’ve grown to know Mayo (Luther) Hospital very well.  I know my birthday by heart since I have to repeat it numerous times at each appointment.  Lately, I’ve had to verify that I haven’t been out of the country in the last 21 days.  I haven’t even been out of Eau Claire County in that time period.  Who has time to go anywhere when I am averaging a medical appointment of some type every 4.6 days?

Since last spring, I’ve been working out at home, at the gym (90 minutes), or swimming (60 minutes) at least 3-4 times a week.  This summer I rode my bicycle about 8-10 miles a day, 4-5 times per week.  All of this activity was in an effort to lose weight and to get my blood glucose under control.  The weight loss also helps on decreasing the wear and tear on my joints and my remaining foot. 

Along with the fact that everything I do takes longer and it takes more time for me to get ready in the morning and to get ready for bed, I really don’t have much spare time anymore.  Except for last winter when I was in a wheelchair and housebound (before I got my prosthesis), the year has just flown by.  The days and weeks just zip by at a dizzying rate.  I haven’t found time to do many things that I want to accomplish.  The bottom line is that I don’t think that I will ever get bored because I have nothing to do.

Here’s a link to a short video clip from the movie “Spies Like Us” (a 1985 comedy). Blame my children for reminding me of this clip. This is in honor of all the medical personal that I’ve met in the last year.