Update:
Today is my Second Ampuversary.
On this day in 2013, I had my left leg amputated below the knee in order
to save my life.
I cannot say that the last two years have turned out as I had
expected. On the contrary, I’ve been
surprised numerous times by the twists and turns that life has thrown at
me. Despite all of that, I am happy to
still be alive and continuing my journey--taking one step at a time.
Speaking of steps, in less than a week I have an evaluation with the
surgeons at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester.
I’ll find out from them what chance I have of walking with a prosthesis
again. It’s taken a long time to get to
this point. I’m hoping that they’ll tell
me that they believe another surgery on my leg (a revision) may alleviate my
nerve pain issue that keeps me from wearing a prosthetic leg and walking. It’s possible that they may say that they don’t
see any surgical option and I may be stuck in the wheelchair for life. Most
likely, surgery will be recommended with the HOPE that my pain will be substantially
minimized. Despite the wonderful
advances that have been made in health care, no one can guarantee results.
The wait (not walking much since December 2014 and being in a
wheelchair full-time since February 2015) along with doubt about regaining my
ability to walk has been emotionally challenging, especially over the last two
months. I’ve been struggling with my weight
again. Everything that I do ratchets up
my back pain. I have to balance the emotional need for activity against the physical
cost it will have on my body. I have to
continually battle a dark cloud of doubt and instead continually reach forward
in hope.
While having to give up many things, I’ve strived to maintain whatever
I could. Despite my best effort, things
have continued to close in on me. I can
relate to older adults as they first lose their health, then their job, their
home, their car, and finally their freedom.
It is never easy to watch your world shrink a little smaller when
mentally you want to be out enjoying life.
We often chide teenagers who think and act as if they are indestructible. But adults live under a somewhat similar delusion
that they will remain healthy and active until death takes them. Like I said before, my last two years have
not gone as I imagined.
With all that said, I am still enjoying life. I’m thankful to be alive. I’m grateful for all the help I’ve received along
the way. Peoples’ prayers, notes of
encouragement, acts of kindness, and honest concern have meant so much to
me. My activities may have diminished;
but the gratefulness to everyone around me has grown and continues to swell
within me. I have a greater appreciation
for the little things that I took for granted before.
I don’t know what the future holds for me. But I am grateful for God’s support and
strength, for my wife’s and family increased assistance, and for my friends. I will strive to maintain my positive outlook
on life and seek to be a blessing to those I encounter as much as I am able. I hope that I’ll be regaining mobility in the
coming months; but if I don’t I’ll figure out a way to accept the “new normal” and
continue on with my life.
So, today marks two years down and the rest of my life to go!
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