Sunday (4-19-2015) special

I'm the chaplain for the police and fire departments in Altoona. I watched them play b-ball against Special Olympic teams from our area. I got to pick my own number...and I'm rocking the city's colors on my prosthesis.  With my problems with pain, I was unable to play today.  I did go out on the court in my wheelchair to attempt to shoots some baskets.  That takes a lot of skill and practice.

Sunday (4/19/2015)

Update:

I got my MRI results.  It found that I have two disks that are bulging which are irritating my nerves (L4-L5 and L4-L3).   My doctor scheduled me to go to the Pain Clinic on Monday, April 27^th for evaluation and treatment.  Right now, it’s planned for me to get a steroid injection to help relieve the pain.  I’ll also be investigating chiropractic care as an additional treatment.  The MRI showed that I have a cyst-like object on one of my kidneys as well.  So tomorrow on Monday, April 20^th I’m having an ultrasound on my kidneys to determine what it is and how large it is.  The worst part about that is I cannot have anything to eat or drink (even water) after midnight tonight until the test is complete on Monday about noon.  It’s not having a drink of water that is going to be tough for me! 

I was really worried about claustrophobia when I had my MRI.  I didn’t need to worry about that.  They sent me in feet first, so my head was only in the tube about a foot.  AND I was in so much back and hip pain that I was concentrating on that rather than worrying about how close the ceiling was to my nose.  My MRI took about 45 minutes.  When it was complete and I was out of the MRI, they told me I could sit up.  I’ve never had this happen before but my back locked up and it was impossible for me to sit up.  I felt like a turtle on its back.  Three nurses ended up helping me get upright.  After walking for a while I loosened up.  I still had my hip pain but at least I was mobile again.

I’ve enjoyed spending time with my brother who came to visit this week.  We’ve done some shopping, worked out at the gym together every day and had some great meals together.  Last night, we grilled out and had a delicious feast.  He’s heading back to Missouri on Tuesday.  I am hoping that I get my medical issues settled so that I can go down to St. Louis and spend a week with him this summer.Hurd

Sunday (4/12/2015)

Update:

It’s official.  This morning at Faith Church, I announced that I will be retiring due to medical reasons.  I’ve spent many hours praying and pondering what is best for me and for the congregation.  They have been very generous to me allowing me all the recovery time that I’ve needed.  But it’s become clear to me that even if I get past my current medical issues that I can’t guarantee that I’ll regain the strength and stamina that I need to devote myself to full-time ministry.  It is hard to say good-bye after 18 years as their pastor; but it is time.  As hard as it is, I feel at peace with the decision and I know that it is best for both me and for the church.  My wife and I will remain in the area and as my health permits I’ll continue to be involved in part-time and volunteer ministry in the area as God leads me.  Right now, my wife says that “my job is the business of living” and I’m hoping to find an answer to the pain I’ve been experiencing.  Also I am excited for the future of Faith Church, we are both on an adventure to see where God leads us next.  Officially my last day will be May 31^st but I am on a sabbatical leave until that time, so effectively I am finished.  I’ve been a full-time pastor for 25 years; now it is time to see what the next chapter of my life will hold. 

I want to say thank you to the congregation of Faith Evangelical Free Church in Fall Creek for the love and support that they’ve demonstrated to me, especially over the last two years.  I am grateful for my wife’s CONSTANT care and help.  My friends and family have been awesome supporters.  And most of all, I’m grateful for the constant presence and encouragement that I’ve received from God.  As hard as this time has been (and may continue to be), I am fully confident in His loving support and enablement.  I am not anxious about the future; because I know that He will continue to be with me every step of the way.

Saturday (4/11/2015)

Update:

Right now, I am a mess!  The pain in my sciatic nerve is increasing.  It is painful to sit.  The pain extends all the way down my left leg and includes my left foot.  That’s right.  The foot that is amputated.  I have phantom pain, so that my entire left leg (missing parts and all) hurt.  It is a deep ache that doesn’t stop.  At night, I want to sleep on my side to relieve some of the pressure on my hip and amputated leg so that the nerve doesn’t hurt so much.  However, if I do that then I wake up in the middle of the night with both my arms asleep.  I have to sleep on my back to keep my arms happy.  Different parts of my body want me to do different and conflicting things!  Aargh!  Combine this pain along with insomnia (one of the many side effects of Lyrica) and you have a L-O-N-G night.  Last night I was up for nearly three hours.  Fortunately, I am on sabbatical so I can sort of catch up with a nap here and there.  But I have found once you’ve lost that sleep, nothing that you do actually feels as good as getting a good night’s rest.

Sitting hurts.  Being in bed hurts.  Walking hurts.  Like I said, I am a mess!

Some of my Lyrica symptoms continue to diminish.  In a week or two, I will know if they are going to completely disappear or not.  If they don’t go away, I’m getting off of the drug.  I’ve had some benefits, but not enough to outweigh the disadvantages.   Yes, it has helped reduce my pain but it comes at a cost that I don’t know if it is worth it.  Early on I had terrible dizziness and was mentally loopy (okay—MUCH loopier than I normally am).  I was sleepy and fell asleep at restaurants and any place I went.  Those side effects caused me not to be able to drive and be house bound.  I also had to be in bed by about 7:30 p.m. because my energy levels would crash.  Those have diminished for the most part.  But in their place have come insomnia (I am awake in the middle of the night about 2-3 hours) and flatulence.  The gas usually comes in three day bouts.  It is nearly continuous and EXTREMELY obnoxious.  That’s kept me at home away from innocent and unsuspecting people.  If you’ve ever seen the movie “Rocket Man” think of Randall in the space suit (only much worse). “Now that was definitely Julie!”

Early Monday morning I have an MRI scheduled to see what is going on at my spine that may be causing the nerve pain I’ve been having.  My two previous MRIs have been on my lower extremities, so my head has been outside of the tube.  This time, I’m going “all in.”  I was asked if I wanted to be sedated because of claustrophobia.   I told them “No” because after being out of it for over two week on Lyrica, I can’t face the thought of what the sedation might feel like.  Besides, I’m only slightly claustrophobic.  I’ll just prepare myself by standing in my closet over the weekend.  Yep! That should work!  Actually, I’ll just keep my eyes closed and focus on something else during the MRI.  I’ll probably recite some scripture and picture myself on a great motorcycle ride.  I can do this (I think). 

I got my bicycle tuned up and plan on going for a long ride today (7-10 miles).  The weather is beautiful and sunny.  And I got a new bicycle seat to try out.  The original seat that came with the bike has always been uncomfortable.  At first I thought if I just get used to it, it will feel fine; but that never happened.  So last week I purchased a seat at Scheels.  It was more comfortable than the original; but still uncomfortable.  So the shop where I purchased my bike swapped seats with me for something they think will be more comfortable to me.  Today, I will discover if they are correct.  If not, we’ll keep swapping seats until I find something that is comfortable.  Of course, it has crossed my mind that with the sciatic nerve issue, I may never be comfortable.

Everybody posted pictures about “Siblings Day” yesterday.  I am happy because my brother from Missouri will be arriving next Wednesday for a week-long visit.  Yeah!  I am looking forward to my own version of “Siblings WEEK!”  It is just the two of us.  My brother tells me that after having me, my parents were scared and decided not to have any more children.  Thinking back on my childhood, maybe he’s right! 

My wife complimented me on having such a great attitude despite all of my aches and pains and so forth.  (We both agree that an additional side effect of Lyrica is that I am more irritable—I’m working on that).  The poet Lord Byron once wrote, “And if I laugh at any mortal thing, ‘tis that I may not weep.”  My warped translation: fake joy is better than genuine depression!  Actually, I am not faking happiness.  I really am content and satisfied.  I do have a great attitude and I am grateful to God for that.  Since day one of this saga, I determined that I would choose to be happy, finding things to be grateful for, and focus upon those things instead of drowning myself in sorrow and self-pity.   I’ve always been able to see the lighter side of most situations; so I just continue to apply that same whacky sense of humor to my own situation and enjoy the life that I have—instead of always focusing upon the things that I have lost.  Hey!  Those are just things.  I have decided that I am not going to allow circumstance to dictate who I am and how I respond to life.  I will decide those things for myself.  In this context, “I am the master of my fate.  I am the captain of my soul.”   [“Invictus” by William Earnest Henley]. 

WOW! Two poetry quotes in one post, I’m impressed!  Actually that is all the poetry I know—so I’ve blown my entire repertoire in one day.  LOL.  I hope that you have a great day and choose to be happy whatever circumstances you find yourself in.

Here is what my left foot looks like without the shoe on and with the foot shell off;

Monday (4-6-2015)

Update:

Yesterday, church was a painful experience.  My hip pain started hurting while driving to church.  It continued to intensify all during the service.  While walking to the car afterwards I had to stop while excruciating pain coursed through my leg down to my toes.  I was very glad to get home.  It seems like when I am in the recliner with my legs up, I have a reduced amount of pain. 

My wife really isn’t into comics.  I love them and try to share the best with her; but I rarely get any reaction from her when I do.  However, I showed her Sunday’s Garfield comic and she laughed and said, “You’ve GOT to include this in your blog—This is so you!”  So here you go:

Over the last few months, I’ve had an increased level of pain that has severely drained my energy levels.  I’ve had to take naps during the day and at times I find that I have drifted off to sleep when I sit down for a few minutes unless I am actively engaged with something.  I seemed to be getting a bit better before I started taking Lyrica but now my napping and going to bed earlier has increased.  Yes indeed, it is a pretty exciting place around the Hurd home.  “What are you going to do this evening?”  “Uhh. Start getting ready for bed by 7:30 p.m. so I can be in bed by 8 or 8:30 at the latest.” 

My wife and I are continuing to discuss whether I will stay on Lyrica.  Although it seems like most of the side effects have diminished; my wife says that I am still not myself.  I get easily confused or lost (“What did I come in here for?”).  I am more irritable than normal.  I continue to have malodorous flatulence (such pretty words for something so foul).  And I still have pain.  Overall, I think the severity and frequency of the pain is less; but it still plagues me.  This morning I woke up at 3:30 a.m. with enough pain that I couldn’t get back to sleep.  I think that I will go off Lyrica and see how bad the pain is without it.  And perhaps go back on it to compare the pain levels again.  This definitely is not a clear cut win or lose scenario.  So it will take some evaluation. 

I’ve got an appointment this afternoon with my prosthetist.  There are a couple of minor adjustments that she wanted to make in an attempt to increase my comfort. 

My MRI is scheduled for next Monday.  After that, we’ll have a clearer picture of what is happening in my spine and sciatic nerve and can then formulate a treatment plan to help alleviate my pain.  Some possibilities include physical therapy, steroid shots in the spine, surgery, chiropractic care, etc.  It all depends upon what they find.

I am amazed at how quickly time flies and at the same time how slowly it moves.  “I have to wait another entire week until my MRI.  My, it is already April.”  March just flew by for me and yet when I had the worst side effects from Lyrica, each day seemed to drag on forever.  It’s strange how we perceive time.  If we are waiting for something to happen—the clock moves incredibly slowly.  If we are busy and engaged, the days and weeks fly by.  This is just a reminder to all those who are young and spry and busy with a full schedule.  Don’t forget to take time for your parents or older relatives and friends.  If they don’t have much going on in their lives, your call, note, or visit might be the bright point of their day or week.  I know that you might not have a moment to spare throughout the day; but make the time—your contact with them will be a blessing to them.  

Saturday (4/4/2015)

Thought for the Day: 

“Dayenu (Hebrew  דַּיֵּנוּ) is a song that is part of the Jewish holiday of Passover. The word ‘Dayenu’ means approximately ‘it would have been enough for us’, ‘it would have been sufficient’, or ‘it would have sufficed.’  This traditional up-beat Passover song is over one thousand years old.  The song is about being grateful to God for all of the gifts he gave the Jewish people, such as taking them out of slavery, giving them the Torah and Shabbat, and had God only given one of the gifts, it would have still been enough.” [Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dayenu].  This song is about giving thanks to God for His superabundant loving care that He has bestowed upon His people. 

Christ and His disciples ate the Passover meal (we typically call this the Last Supper) and then went to the garden to pray.  It was there that Judas betrayed Jesus and turned Him over to the authorities.  He was condemned, scourged, and crucified.  The scriptures declare on the third day He rose victorious from the grave.  It is His sacrificial death and resurrection that paid the penalty so that we are set free from the debt that we owed because of our sins.  Jesus truly is the Lamb that takes away the sin of the world!

Accepting this truth by faith you have been set free, so in your own heart can you say, “Dayenu”?  This one fact alone should be adequate for us to say, “it is enough for us.”  I find in my own heart, that many times apparently it isn’t enough.  I want more.  I decide that I cannot be happy and satisfied unless God gives me more of the things I want.  These things may be good and wholesome; but what kind of people are we if we continuously need a supply of blessing from God to remain thankful?  Are we even aware of the great deed that He has done in redeeming us from our sins?  Dayenu!  Because of His act, we can now boldly come before the Throne of Grace in prayer where Christ Himself intercedes for us.  Dayenu!  He sent His Holy Spirit to indwell, guide, and strengthen us. Dayenu!  He has broken the power of sin and given us a new nature in Christ. Dayenu!  He has given us His word, the scriptures that we might better understand Him and what He desires.  Dayenu!  He has prepared a place for us to be with Him for all eternity.  Dayenu!  I may not have everything that I could desire; however, Dayenu!  I could go on and on but what God has given us on that first Easter is enough!  He has richly blessed us with the most important things.  Therefore, let us lift our hearts and with joyous hearts announce to the Lord, Dayenu!

Friday (4/3/2015)

Update:

I’ve been having a reoccurring pain in my hip ever since I had my amputation.  It seemed to happen when I had my residual limb extended straight out in front of me while sitting in my wheelchair.   At the time, I was having lots of aches and pains and sore muscles as my physical therapist was putting me through my paces.  He suggested that it was a tendon that was causing my pain and I should lie face down on the floor for a few minutes to relieve the pain.  So I’ve been doing that for the last year but it has been getting more and more frequent.  When it hurts, I am in agony and quickly get to the floor for relief.  I recently mentioned to my Physical Rehab Doctor that the pain was increasing in frequency and I was having to get on the floor more often and wondered if there was anything else I should be doing.  That started a long string of questions after she told me that she never knew about this pain.  I really didn’t remember who told me how to find relief—my wife remembered that it was my PT.  Sooooo… the Doctor scheduled me for an appointment for my hip pain (which was yesterday).  After examining me, she suspects that it is nerve pain and ordered an MRI be done of my spine.  She said that this nerve issue may be the cause of all of my pain in my residual limb and why I cannot really function in a prosthesis.  Huh!  She seemed pretty excited about this.  She told me that depending upon the outcome of the MRI, she would refer me to the pain clinic and that I might find relief from all my pain with treatment there.  Wow! Unfortunately, I have no idea of what the name of my possible condition is.  If you can’t name it—it’s hard to Google!  Quite frankly, the idea of having nerve damage or irritation in the spine unnerves me (did you catch what I just wrote—funny!).  Maybe it will all turn out okay, but I feel like I am tumbling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.  I just want the pain in my leg to stop hurting so I can wear my prosthesis and walk, do all the stuff I want to do again.  And I wouldn’t mind if the pain in my hip quit hurting too.  But another MRI.  Another potential problem.  Another hope that may evaporate.  Just one more thing.  It is all rather overwhelming to me right now.  I think that I am supposed to be happy or at least hopeful—maybe we’ve found the solution and answer to all the problems I’ve been having over the last five months.  Instead there is a gloom or shadow hanging over me and I’m steeling myself against future disappointment although I have no clue what it is I’m facing it.  Whew!  What a mess our emotions can sling all over us! 

Instead of focusing upon my emotions and lack of knowledge, I should choose to rely upon some factual information.  I trust my Rehab Doctor.  She seemed pleased to discover this possibility.  She seemed to radiate hope because of this discovery.  She has a vast knowledge and experience.  She knows what we’re looking for with the MRI.  The doctor knows what the treatment options are and how successful they are.  As I have found in the medical field, the patient is always the last to know.  Doctors don’t want to spend time (or have the time) explaining a multitude of possibilities when you can just be patient and get the test results and find out exactly what you need to talk about.  Maybe that is how we who are being treated got named “patient” because that is what we have to be (patient). 

I know enough in general terms that I should be satisfied.  I have lots of phantom pain and nerve pain in my residual limb and in my hip.  These various pains may be related.  The source of the nerve pain may be in my spine.  An MRI will reveal what is going on.  The results of that test may indicate that I should go to the Pain Center for evaluation and treatment.  Treatment may relieve all of my pain symptoms.  Eventually all of the fine details will be explained to me.  Therefore I should CHILAX, BRO!  Sometimes that is easier said than done.

Everything you read so far was written yesterday.  Now today on Friday morning, I am much more at peace about it all.  I’ve had time to absorb the news, talk with my wife, pray about it, sleep on it, and process it.  My MRI is scheduled for Monday morning, April 13.  It always has to be scheduled at least a week out to get approval from the insurance company; it has nothing to do with patient care (Oophs! Did I let my frustration show?). 

After the MRI is read, I’ll find out what is next on my journey towards health.  I am fully committed to working towards improving my health.  Let me share a couple of sobering statistics with you.  April is Limb Loss Awareness month.  About 2 million Americans have had a limb amputated.  Over 500 additional people per day undergo an amputation in the USA.  Now here are the scary facts:

FACT #1: Nearly half of the individuals who have an amputation due to vascular disease will die within 5 years. 

FACT #2: Of people with diabetes who have had a lower extremity amputation up to 55% will require amputation of the second leg within 2-3 years.

[Statistics from the Amputee Coalition:   http://www.amputee-coalition.org/limb-loss-resource-center/resources-by-topic/limb-loss-statistics/limb-loss-statistics/]

My situation falls within these categories.  That is why I am working so hard on my diet, exercise, and lifestyle so I can beat these odds.  This is why I try to follow my doctors’ orders.  I don’t plan on becoming a statistic anytime soon! 

Right now, I am in quite a bit of pain.  It isn’t always constant.  The medications that I am currently on help take the edge off of the pain so I can do more.  Although that isn’t a lot of extra activity, it is more than I was able to do.  Right now, if I can go to the gym to work out or swim, ride my bicycle, and do an errand or two—that’s a good day.  I usually pay for it with increased pain afterwards and the pain in my hip seems to be growing more constant; but that is life.  And I will take whatever good I can squeeze out of my day and enjoy it to the fullest. 

Thought for the Day:

It’s Holy Week, just prior to Easter and as a believer (a Christian), I’ve been dwelling on the days leading up to the crucifixion, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Two very similar, but different events stood out for me this year.  Here are the scriptures:

Luke 7:36-50   “One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner." And Jesus answering said to him, "Simon, I have something to say to you." And he answered, "Say it, Teacher."  "A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?"  Simon answered, "The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt." And he said to him, "You have judged rightly." Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven-- for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." And he said to her, "Your sins are forgiven." Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, "Who is this, who even forgives sins?" And he said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

Mark 14:3-9  And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. There were some who said to themselves indignantly, "Why was the ointment wasted like that?  For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor." And they scolded her.  But Jesus said, "Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me.  For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me.  She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial. And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her."   (See parallel accounts in  Matthew 26:6-13; John 12:1-8).

Both of these women demonstrated their appreciation for what Jesus was accomplishing for them.  The first woman was known as a sinful woman, scorned in her community.  She probably only had people look on her with condemnation; but Jesus looked on her with compassion and forgiveness.  Her response was gratitude so deep that she wept.  She wept at his feet.  Such a degrading position!  But she did it in response to an even greater accomplishment.  She had been set free from the weight of her sins!  She was free and in that joyousness, she demonstrated her gratefulness in an amazing fashion.

The second woman took what probably represented her retirement funds and literally poured it over the head of Jesus.  Again it was an act of loving devotion.  It was an act of honoring this man that she had come to recognize as Savior.  I rather doubt that she knew that in her act she was anointing Jesus for burial; but that is the significance that Jesus placed upon the act.  His death was imminent.  He knew that circumstances would cause the traditional burial rites of the Jewish people to be set aside.  In the midst of all the hatred, scorn, and abuse he was about to receive—this woman’s act reminded Jesus why He was about to do what He had to do.

Both women’s actions challenge me to look within my heart to ask myself how deeply I love my Savior.   They challenge me to ponder if I have sacrificed the things I hold onto and treasure.  They force me to question if I understand the enormity of my sinfulness that has been forgiven by Christ’s sacrifice.  As Jesus told Simon the Pharisee, he who is forgiven much—loves much and he who is forgiven little—loves little.  It’s really not about how many sins you’ve committed as much as understanding the weight of even one of your sins and the cost of freedom from it.  Then when you compound that weight with the number of sins throughout your lifetime, you can begin to understand the enormity of the act of Christ’s forgiveness and consequently should love Him much.  I believe that much of the superficiality of my response to God is due to a shallowness of my understanding of what I have received.  That God would open my eyes so that I may see!  And may He do that for everyone else as well!

God bless you this Easter season!  May your eyes be open and your heart be filled with love so that you may worship deeply!