Update:
Right now, I
am a mess! The pain in my sciatic nerve
is increasing. It is painful to
sit. The pain extends all the way down
my left leg and includes my left foot.
That’s right. The foot that is
amputated. I have phantom pain, so that
my entire left leg (missing parts and all) hurt. It is a deep ache that doesn’t stop. At night, I want to sleep on my side to
relieve some of the pressure on my hip and amputated leg so that the nerve
doesn’t hurt so much. However, if I do
that then I wake up in the middle of the night with both my arms asleep. I have to sleep on my back to keep my arms
happy. Different parts of my body want
me to do different and conflicting things!
Aargh! Combine this pain along
with insomnia (one of the many side effects of Lyrica) and you have a L-O-N-G
night. Last night I was up for nearly
three hours. Fortunately, I am on
sabbatical so I can sort of catch up with a nap here and there. But I have found once you’ve lost that sleep,
nothing that you do actually feels as good as getting a good night’s rest.
Sitting
hurts. Being in bed hurts. Walking hurts. Like I said, I am a mess!
Some of my Lyrica
symptoms continue to diminish. In a week
or two, I will know if they are going to completely disappear or not. If they don’t go away, I’m getting off of the
drug. I’ve had some benefits, but not
enough to outweigh the disadvantages. Yes, it has helped reduce my pain but it
comes at a cost that I don’t know if it is worth it. Early on I had terrible dizziness and was
mentally loopy (okay—MUCH loopier than I normally am). I was sleepy and fell asleep at restaurants and
any place I went. Those side effects
caused me not to be able to drive and be house bound. I also had to be in bed by about 7:30 p.m.
because my energy levels would crash.
Those have diminished for the most part.
But in their place have come insomnia (I am awake in the middle of the
night about 2-3 hours) and flatulence.
The gas usually comes in three day bouts. It is nearly continuous and EXTREMELY
obnoxious. That’s kept me at home away
from innocent and unsuspecting people. If
you’ve ever seen the movie “Rocket Man” think of Randall in the space suit
(only much worse). “Now that was definitely Julie!”
Early Monday
morning I have an MRI scheduled to see what is going on at my spine that may be
causing the nerve pain I’ve been having.
My two previous MRIs have been on my lower extremities, so my head has
been outside of the tube. This time, I’m
going “all in.” I was asked if I wanted
to be sedated because of claustrophobia.
I told them “No” because after
being out of it for over two week on Lyrica, I can’t face the thought of what
the sedation might feel like. Besides, I’m
only slightly claustrophobic. I’ll just
prepare myself by standing in my closet over the weekend. Yep! That should work! Actually, I’ll just keep my eyes closed and
focus on something else during the MRI.
I’ll probably recite some scripture and picture myself on a great
motorcycle ride. I can do this (I
think).
I got my
bicycle tuned up and plan on going for a long ride today (7-10 miles). The weather is beautiful and sunny. And I got a new bicycle seat to try out. The original seat that came with the bike has
always been uncomfortable. At first I
thought if I just get used to it, it will feel fine; but that never
happened. So last week I purchased a
seat at Scheels. It was more comfortable
than the original; but still uncomfortable.
So the shop where I purchased my bike swapped seats with me for
something they think will be more comfortable to me. Today, I will discover if they are
correct. If not, we’ll keep swapping
seats until I find something that is comfortable. Of course, it has crossed my mind that with
the sciatic nerve issue, I may never be comfortable.
Everybody
posted pictures about “Siblings Day” yesterday.
I am happy because my brother from Missouri will be arriving next
Wednesday for a week-long visit.
Yeah! I am looking forward to my
own version of “Siblings WEEK!” It is
just the two of us. My brother tells me
that after having me, my parents were scared and decided not to have any more
children. Thinking back on my childhood,
maybe he’s right!
My wife
complimented me on having such a great attitude despite all of my aches and
pains and so forth. (We both agree that
an additional side effect of Lyrica is that I am more irritable—I’m working on
that). The poet Lord Byron once wrote, “And
if I laugh at any mortal thing, ‘tis that I may not weep.” My warped translation: fake joy is better
than genuine depression! Actually, I am
not faking happiness. I really am
content and satisfied. I do have a great
attitude and I am grateful to God for that.
Since day one of this saga, I determined that I would choose to be happy,
finding things to be grateful for, and focus upon those things instead of
drowning myself in sorrow and self-pity.
I’ve always been able to see the lighter side of most situations; so I
just continue to apply that same whacky sense of humor to my own situation and
enjoy the life that I have—instead of always focusing upon the things that I
have lost. Hey! Those are just things. I have decided that I am not going to allow
circumstance to dictate who I am and how I respond to life. I will decide those things for myself. In this context, “I am the master of my
fate. I am the captain of my soul.” [“Invictus” by William Earnest Henley].
WOW! Two
poetry quotes in one post, I’m impressed!
Actually that is all the poetry I know—so I’ve blown my entire repertoire
in one day. LOL. I hope that you have a great day and choose
to be happy whatever circumstances you find yourself in.
Here is what my left foot looks like without the shoe on and with the foot shell off;
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