Update:
Yesterday,
was tough on me. I had an appointment
that I had been dreading. I was afraid
it would be rather adversarial and I would have to defend and justify myself
every step of the way. It was tough
enough because I was applying for disability from Social Security, indicating
that at this point I was admitting (that at least for the foreseeable future) I
am unable to work and hold down a job; but I just dreaded what I assumed was
going to be the attitude that I would face as the case worker and I went
through the application process.
Later in the
day I was scheduled to go to the Pain Clinic for them to address the issues of
two bulging discs and the pain the irritated nerve was giving me. I assumed that I would be getting a lumbar
epidural injection and I didn’t like the sound of someone sticking needles in
my spine.
I’m also
scheduled for a CT Scan and then an appointment with a Urologist on Wednesday
as we try to address an issue that was discovered with my kidneys. I’m apprehensive that treatment might involve
a catheter and that sounds really painful.
It also
hasn’t helped that a medication that I am on has given me insomnia and I hadn’t
had a sound night’s sleep in over six weeks.
So all these
thoughts were weighing on my mind and getting my anxiety level stirred up
pretty high. Waiting for the Social
Security office to open before my appointment, I finally realized that I needed
to calm down and relax. To put my mind
at ease, I decided to read some from the bible.
The bible app on my phone opened up to Exodus 3. That’s the chapter where Moses is in the
desert and sees the burning bush. He
finds out that He is standing on holy ground and is in the presence of the Lord.
As I thought
about what I had read, I realized that Moses had not set out with the intention
of finding God that day. He was going
about his business as a shepherd taking his sheep and goats on a search for
food. He was in the middle of the
wilderness, not anywhere near a temple or place of worship. And yet as he discovered, God was there.
I stopped
and asked God to display Himself to me at the Social Security office that
morning. It wouldn’t be considered a
normal place to find God; but if He could display Himself in the desert to
Moses—He could demonstrate that He was present to me during my
appointment.
I’ve been in
a lot of pain recently, especially while seated. I was already in pain in the waiting
room. I told my wife that I hoped that
the chairs back where the appointment would take place were not like the ones
in the waiting area—they really hurt! My
name was called and my wife and I went back to find those same chairs!
After this
point most everything that I was anxious about turned out to be false. The case worker that helped us was pleasant
and kind. She even went and got one of
the office swivel chairs for me to sit in rather than the standard, hard
ones. It turned out that no matter what,
I was in pain and couldn’t sit for very long; but the entire time I felt like
the case worker was on my side and doing everything she could to help me.
As the
appointment continued on, there was a growing sense that God was at work in the
situation. I really did feel like God
had shown up in the wilderness of the Social Security office. It
takes three to five months for Social Security to make a decision on a case;
but I’m not too worried about that. I
know that whatever is decided that God will continue to watch over me and
provide.
The spinal
injection wasn’t all that bad later in the day either. Although I was face down and couldn’t see
anything that was going on. It didn’t
feel anything like the alien abduction scenes that you see in the movies! LOL.
After we got home, I pulled up some YouTube videos of the
procedure. I am certainly glad that it
never crossed my mind to watch them before I had the procedure done!
The local
anesthetic used for the injection made my back feel very nice yesterday until
it wore off. It usually takes up to 3-5
days for the steroids to kick in. It
could take up to ten days. Now it is a
waiting game to see if the injection helped.
Yesterday
was a good reminder to me that no matter what I face and no matter where I go,
God will be there with me each step of the way.
It’s funny how sometimes we
forget the very simple stuff. We really
shouldn’t worry or allow ourselves to get worked up about things we cannot
control. Someone has stated that most of
the things we worry about never end up happening, so why bother worrying. It is also important for us to remember that
no matter what we face or where we find ourselves that God is right there beside
us each step of the way. Tomorrow, I
plan on taking a deep breath and reminding myself of these truths before I
waste too much time stressing out over them.
Remember
that whatever wilderness that you may be traveling through, it is not as far away
from God as you might think.
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