Monday (2/17/2014)

Update:

After my long stroll through Walmart on Friday afternoon, was tired out and went to bed early on Friday night.  I ended up getting a little over eight hours of sleep and woke up refreshed.  One thing that I’ve notice lately is that I’ve grown accustomed to sleeping on my back.  All of my life I have slept on my side sort of curled up.  I am an active sleeper and I would switch back and forth several times during most nights (especially fond of my left side).  After my amputation I found that the leg brace that I have to wear makes it uncomfortably difficult to sleep on my side.  So I have been sleeping on my back.  Some nights I would use a pillow to prop one side of my back up a little, but my legs stayed flat. It took me well over a month to start sleeping through the night like that.  At first I would wake up every couple of hours.  Then a few nights ago I realized that I’ve grown accustom to sleeping on my back.  So now 77 days post-operation, I’ve grown to like sleeping on my back. It is my new preferred sleeping position. Weird how things change!

On Saturday, I spent the morning reading my bible (I’m towards the end of the Gospel of John and could not put it down) and a number of my inspirational books (one book really grabbed me as I read a philosophical discussion on the problem of evil).  It took me much longer than normal to write my Update/Thought for the day.  It wasn’t until well after lunch I finally started on my sermon and other church work.  And then I struggled to get anything down on paper for my message.  Eventually I concluded that I wasn’t meant to preach what I had planned.  I changed the focus of my message and the words began to flow.

So on Sunday, I preached a message that I hadn’t really planned to preach.  It went well and I think it really fit with the series I had been preaching—it was just a totally new and different angle than I have preached before.  Our four children who live locally joined us for lunch at home after everyone got out of church.  The boys filled our wood rack in the basement and Kate helped me put together some of my “approved” treats—Peanut Butter Bean Cookies.  After the kids went home, Karen and watched some TV together until she fell asleep on the couch.

This morning (Monday) I have 8:45 a.m. appointment with the eye doctor and then 10:30 a.m. appointment with my physical therapist.  I’ve needed a new eyeglass prescription for some time but I’ve been waiting for my blood glucose level to stabilize so that my vision is more consistent.  Everything I’ve gone through has severely affected the vision in my right eye.  It has gotten better over time, but it is still not good.  I’m hoping for continued improvement. 

A while back Karen scheduled a speaking engagement for today (Monday), so she and Kate are off trying to get there through this morning’s snowstorm.  I’m praying for their safety on the road today.  My son, David, is off-work so he volunteered to help me get to my appointments today.  I think they are dilating my eyes at the eye appointment so it wouldn’t be good for me to drive afterwards.  With the snow, I really can’t get anywhere on my own in the wheelchair (think of how hard it is to push a grocery cart in the snow); so I am grateful for his help.

Thought for the Day:

How big is your God and how important is God to you?

It might help if I ask the question from a different perspective.  Do you worship a God worth suffering for and even dying for?

In the book of Daniel, the story is told of three young men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who risked punishment and even death, rather than to disobey God and worship an idol.  King Nebuchadnezzar had a giant image of himself built and command all of his subjects to bow before the image and worship it when music was played.  These three young men were a part of the Jewish exiles living in their conqueror’s land.  We might have thought, “What will it hurt to go along with it and bow down—it is not like we really will worship it?  We’ll just play nice and go through the motions to stay out of trouble.”  But Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refuse to do anything of the sort.  So they were brought before the king for one last opportunity; if they refused, they would be cast into a fiery furnace and burned to death.  Here is what they had to say:

Daniel 3:17-18   “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

They acknowledged that God was ABLE to save them; they just weren’t certain if He WOULD rescue them; but they were going to do the right thing anyway.  It would take a lot of courage to make that kind of stand.  “God is going to do what God is going to do.  We don’t know what that is.  But we do know that we refuse to bow down and worship your idol.  So do what you have to do.”

Why would anybody do that?  Because God is worthy.  If we get in trouble for serving Him and we are punished for doing good; He is worth any punishment we receive.  Even if we lose our life for Him; He is worthy of the sacrifice that we give.  That attitude is what captures my attention about these three young men.  They saw God as so awesome, so amazing, and completely almighty.  He was real to them and He was the most important thing in their lives.

So what about the God you worship?  Do you worship a God worth dying for?  Do you worship a God worth suffering for?  Do you bow to conformity when pushed instead of holding true to your conscience?   

If we aren’t willing to stand up for God, then perhaps we need to work at our understanding of God; to grow in our knowledge of Him.   The smaller your idea of God, the less you will give of yourself to Him.  I would challenge you to consider that if you aren’t willing to suffer and to die for God—then you really don’t have a biblically accurate picture of who He truly is in all His glory.  You need to cultivate a more precise view of the Lord God.  One aspect of developing this clearer vision is to read the bible more.  Find out what God has done in the past; learn of His character qualities; listen to His words and promises.  And remember that unlike us, God does not change; He is faithful and true.  He is consistent and steady.

You might be wondering why I am asking about suffering and dying for God.  God calls us to a live of obedience which means taking risks upon what He has said.  You won’t take that risk if you see the potential punishment as greater than the potential reward; you won’t take that risk if you think the circumstances outweigh God Himself.

Also, having an accurate picture of God helps put all of your current circumstances into perspective.  I will be much more at peace going through the rough waters if I know that God is there beside me.  The the three young Hebrews I know that God is more than able to do whatever He wants.  I don’t always know what He will choose to do; but I trust Him.  I trust Him with my very life.  So what is there to fear and be worried about?

The song, “He is Able” came to mind as I thought about this.  Here is a link to listen to it if you desire.  "He is Able  More Than Able"

I encourage you to discover the Mighty God that we serve.  Seek to grow in your knowledge and relationship with Him and it will give you an entirely different perspective on your life and the difficulties that you face.

Saturday (2/15/2014)

Update:

On Friday morning I fielded a few phone calls and answered some emails. I took a much needed shower and ate lunch while I talked to my daughter, Ruth, on the phone.  After lunch I loaded myself up and went in to shoot my bow with Ryan.  My eyesight is pretty poor right now, especially in my right eye which makes it hard to shoot well (I have an eye exam on Monday).  But I got out and did something fun and that was great.  Afterwards I went next door to Walmart.  I pushed myself around the store—actually back and forth several times to find what I was looking for.  I got a good workout in Walmart and then at home going up the ramp by myself. Going up the ramp at home, I got a little snow on my wheels, so occasionally they would spin instead of gripping.  That certainly adds to the excitement when you are half way up a ramp.  I need snow tires on this puppy!!!

When I go out of the house by myself it is difficult to shut the doors behind me.  The wheelchair gets in the way of grabbing behind me to pull it closed.  I was twisting my shoulders into some unnatural positions and still having trouble getting it shut.  So one of the things I bought at Walmart was some cord and a retractable keychain.  I tied a length of cord around the doorknob and then as I go by I’ll clip the keychain onto the cord. That will give me enough length to be fully out of the doorway and then pulled it shut.  The keychain gives me the extra length I need without the cord being so long that it drags on the floor.  I can keep the keychain with me and easily attach or detach it.  Maybe there is a better way, but this works for me.

I really don’t know exactly how my life will change over the coming months.  I know that I will be regaining my ability to walk, but not how quickly I will regain it.  I have no idea how long it will take me to rely almost totally on my prosthesis.  It sounds like in the beginning I’ll do some time using my prosthesis to build up my skill, strength and tolerance; and the remainder of the time I’ll spend in the wheelchair.  I think that ratio will be in a constant state of flux.  I do know that around bedtime and for showers, I’ll still need a wheelchair.  So things will be changing but I have no idea exactly how or how far or how fast.  The last time I was at therapy, the therapist said he’ll train me how to walk on stairs with my prosthesis, so I will be able to go to the basement or upstairs eventually.  Not knowing is a very strange feeling as an adult.  I almost said unsettling instead of strange; but I have grown more use to that kind of tension over the last few months. 

In the evening on Friday after dinner, I worked on my Sunday message (mainly reading commentaries on my text).  Saturday will be spent completing my message and exercising.  That will take up the day until Karen and I spend some time together in the evening. 

Thought for the Day:

I run into people who are rather perplexed by my positive attitude and optimism concerning my amputation and other medical issues.  I hope that I am an encouragement to them; and I challenge them to consider their own life and attitude towards whatever adversity that they may face. When I encounter other people, who in my estimation are in far worse conditions than I am in, who radiate a joy and peace; I am encouraged and challenged by them.

But I think it goes much deeper than having a positive attitude—the bottom line is faith; a genuine faith that has been tested to some degree and found to be true and solid.  Many claim to have faith but when things get a little rough they “abandon ship.”  They’ll say things like, “I tried it; but it didn’t work for me.”  Their faith has been shaken and doubt and disbelief has crept in to replace it. 

I don’t want a faith that is only good during happy and great times.  I want a faith that helps me through the darkest times and the roughest storms of life.  I don’t have time for a faith that is “Dry Clean Only.”  I need a faith that can hold up to an avalanche of trouble and a hurricane of adversity.  How do I get that kind of faith?  Where does it come from?  Is it because I strain to believe hard enough?  Is that all it takes to get unshakeable faith?

Randy Alcorn says, “The faith that can’t be shaken is the faith that has been shaken” [If God is Good: Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil].  

What is he saying?  Our faith is like a muscle.  Everyone has muscles; but people who use their muscles through hard physical labor or strenuous exercise will develop their muscles.  The more they work those muscles under a load; the stronger they will become.  Faith is like a muscle.  You don’t use it very much during the good and happy times.  Your faith gets stretched and exercised when you encounter adversity.  After you come through that adversity with your faith intact; you’ll find that you faith has grown.  The more situations that you encounter where you need faith, the stronger your faith will become.

It is that principle that makes a short-term mission trip an excellent investment of time and energy.  Usually on a short-term mission trip, you go somewhere outside of your own culture; maybe where they don’t speak English.  You end up out of your comfort zone and face situations way outside of your ability to handle on your own.  So you cry out to God for help AND He shows up!  Through that process you gain confidence; not in yourself but in a God who loves you, listens for you, and responds to your cries for assistance.  In a week or two’s time you might have had dozens of these kinds of God encounters (Back home in your “safe” environment where you are normally in control, it might take years or decades before you have that many encounters).  By the end of your mission trip you have found God to be totally trustworthy and you’ve learned to call up Him in trust knowing that He will provide.

So how is it that I have a faith that can withstand a bit of shaking?  I have placed myself in situations where I’ve had to trust in God and I have found Him to be dependable and true every time.  You don’t have to do this on the mission field—you can do this right here at home.  It is just that we often have so much help and options at home that we rarely turn to God in total dependence. 

I don’t go looking for hopeless situations where I am in over my head; but when I find myself there, I remember where I need to turn.  And I have turned there enough that I’ve learned first-hand that God is faithful.

There may come a day when I face something so catastrophically evil that my faith is shaken—but I hope that all that will happen is that my faith continues to grow because of the circumstances.

1 Peter 1:6-7  “…though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

So my life’s goal is to continue to live by faith, growing stronger in Him day by day.  I choose to view the adversities I face as weights on a gym floor.  I am going to view them as an opportunity to grow stronger in my faith as I exercise it day by day.  Not that I wish anything to happen to you; but I invite you to join me in God’s Gym where you can exercise your faith and watch it grow.  Let’s grow together in faith!

Galatians 2:20   “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Friday (2/14/2014

Update: 

Hurried through my exercises on Thursday morning, ate a quick lunch and then got dressed and went to work at the church for the afternoon.  The weather was great at lunch time and I decided to see if I could load the wheelchair into the truck by myself.  Dick K. had come over to stand by in case I needed help; but I was able to get it up and in without too much difficulty.  So now unless there is snow or ice on the ramp, I can come and go on my own!  That is so exciting!  So far I had to have somebody load me in and then unload me everywhere I go.  For the last couple of weeks I drove myself into town after someone helped load me into the truck; then I was stuck in the vehicle until someone helped me.  Now if I want to go to a store—I can go.  That is such a big difference for me mentally.  What an encouragement.  I still have some limitations (I can’t scrape snow and ice of the windshield, there can’t be any stairs, etc.) and still need to monitor my energy levels, but I have a deeper reservoir to draw upon now.  Freedom!!!

All this will be important in the coming weeks when I am fitted for my prosthesis (a lengthy process with a number of trips into the lab) and begin my physical therapy to learn how to walk.  I’ll have a number of appointments each week that I’ll need to get to.  If the weather cooperates, I won’t have to drag anyone along with me each day.  This also will allow me to attend a police chaplain training conference in mid-March in southern Wisconsin that I’ve wanted to go to. 

Jon and Josh came over for dinner and a game of Scrabble on Thursday night.  Josh took an early lead. Throughout the rest of the game we were all pretty even on our scores until the last few rounds when Jon pulled far ahead of us and won.  After that Josh took some photos and video of me doing exercises.  He has to do some editing of the video before it is ready to post.  But I have a few photos of me with a couple of shots of my stump uncovered. 

Thought for the Day:

If you think about it, almost every miracle that Jesus does has witnesses.  Sometimes, it is just a few of the disciples and other times there is a large crowd.  What prompts the miracle is a need of some sort; whether it is a death of a child, the fear of the boat sinking and drowning, a woman who has been sick for decades, or people needing to be fed when there is no food.  Looking at the event prompting the miracle we see that in every case that it was an impossible situation.  Circumstance said that it wasn’t possible; that there was no hope. 

You’ve probably faced a crisis or two in your own life; a time when you knew there was no way out of your situation because it was hopeless.  No matter how you tried, it wasn’t going to be enough.  It was like being a passenger on the Titanic watching as a gigantic iceberg emerges from the gloom of night.  There is nothing you can do to stop the inevitable disaster looming ahead.  Conditions dictate that it will happen.  In terms of the Titanic, you’ve already hit the iceberg and the damage has been done although the ship hasn’t technically sunk yet—it is just a matter of time.

Os Hillman shared an illustration from a support group meeting he attended.  The facilitator asked two of the people present to help him.  The facilitator told the group to keep an eye on (watch) both people.  One person he called “Circumstances” and the other he called “Jesus.”  The group was meeting in a very large room with exits at both ends.  On cue, Circumstances and Jesus both got up and began to leave the room in opposite directions.  Very quickly those in the group found that they could not keep their eyes on both Jesus and Circumstances; they had to choose to focus upon one or the other. [Os Hillman, Prime Time With God daily devotional email (2/14/2014) from Church Growth Institute].

So we have a choice to either fix our attention on the circumstances of our personal calamity, or we can focus our attention on the one person who could actually do something about what we are facing, Jesus. 

Hebrews 12:2   “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”

Thursday (2/13/2014)

Update:

On Wednesday at the Elders’ meeting, we had a long prayer list of people we know (mainly from our own congregation) who were sick, hospitalized, or recovering.  Our church is fairly middle-aged to young families, so this is a very rare and new experience for us.  We seemed to have been hit hard this fall and winter.  We don’t understand it; we just continue to trust in God’s mercy and grace and pray for His healing, for strength, and for peace.

After the Elders’ meeting, Art and I decided to go into town to eat.  I drove my truck in since Art had to head to work right after lunch.  It was nice and warm in Altoona Family Restaurant and the food was really good.  I drove Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) standards for wheelchairs being pushed up the ramp, so the pitch is fairly steep and it is about a four foot rise over its length.  Since it was a warmer day, there wasn’t any snow home and decided to see if I could get into my house by myself.  I had already unloaded the wheelchair alone once before so that wasn’t the problem.  It was getting up my handicap ramp.  It is designed according to the or ice on the ramp, so I made the attempt AND made it to the top!  Yeah!  I didn’t set any speed records and about two feet from the top I wasn’t certain that I could make it—but I did.  Woot! Woot!  All that exercising is certainly paying off.   Another victory and a step towards independence!

My son, Jon, got off work early and wanted to do something with me on Wednesday afternoon.  We decided to go see a movie.   Afterwards we picked up some stir-fried chicken from Kobe in the mall and headed home to eat it.  Jon left after that and I was tired so I went to bed early and got an extra hour of sleep.

This morning I woke up with a stiff neck muscle, so I am working at stretching it out.  Hopefully it works out fairly soon and I am back to normal.

Thought for the Day:

We often try to make sense of suffering.  Why is this happening to me?  What good can come from the difficulties that I am facing?  Suffering and affliction is painful and we want nothing to do with it, so we cry out to God, “Rescue me!” as if this is something to avoid. 

What if you knew that the difficulties and troubles you face were actually helping you in some fashion, would you be so quick to escape from under them; would it help you to endure what you are suffering?

The bible says that God seeks to refine us like silver.  A common method for refining silver is to put the metal under intense heat.  The metal liquefies and the dross or impurities separate from the metal leaving it more pure.  Silversmiths would refine their silver so that the finished product would shine brightly and clearly reflect like a mirror.  The more pure the metal; the more precious it was.

The bible says that God uses affliction to refine us like silver.  His goal is to refine us—make a better people—to work out some of the impurities in our characters and in our lives.  He wants us to shine brightly as believers and clearly reflect the image of Christ to the world around us.

Psalm 66:10  “For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver.”

Zechariah 13:9   “…I will bring [them] into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’ ”

Isaiah 48:10-11   “…I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.  For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.”

Psalm 50:15  “…call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”

As God refines us, He makes us better able to reflect His glory.  Knowing that God can use the heartaches and disasters that surround us makes them a bit less bitter and not as hard to endure.  This refining process is still painful—but it is not a pain without purpose or without some redeeming value.  That helps me bear up underneath what I am going through.  I hope that it helps you in some small fashion as well.

After the refining process is complete it is appropriate for us to cry out to God for rescue.  When we call upon God for rescue, it honors Him that we have counted Him worthy and able to assist us.  So God gets double honor when we are refined by affliction; first we better reflect His glory to the world around us and secondly, when we call on Him for help and He assists or rescues us; we give Him praise and honor and the world around us takes notice.

Nothing will ever make cancer, severe illnesses and disabilities, or any kind of suffering, actually good in itself.  But if we can look beyond it and see a higher purpose it helps us to endure suffering and come out a better person because of it.  It removes some of the sting from what we are suffering.  I will be the first to admit that when I see young children suffer or someone in extreme pain; it is hard to see beyond it.  God did not create the world like this.  This wasn’t supposed to be normal.  Illness, suffering, and disease entered the world through our sinfulness.  For now we are stuck with what we helped create.  Ultimately we only have ourselves to blame for the messiness and pain of human existence. 

If this is the life that we have to live—we might as well seek that some good comes from it.  So today I choose to seek to glorify God as He puts me through the refining fires.  I would prefer that I didn’t have to go through them—but since I don’t get that choice—I want them to mean something and be of value.  “Purify me, Oh Lord, and bring glory to Yourself through my life and suffering!”  I hope that you will make that your prayer as well.

Wednesday (2/12/2014)

Update:

Not much to report today.  I did my light exercise workout on Tuesday morning (1 hour), took a quick shower, ate lunch and then went to the church office to work all afternoon.  Karen picked me up about 6:30 p.m. and dropped me off at home and she headed in Eau Claire for play practice.  I fried up some hamburger that needed to be cooked, along with a lot of onions and garlic sautéed in olive oil.  It made the basis for a very yummy dinner.  I watched some TV while I ate.  Now it is on to the computer.  I have a letter of recommendation that I need to finish and then I’ll work on the Update and do some of my inspirational reading before bedtime.

On Wednesday morning I’ll be leaving to go to a church Elders’ meeting so my normal morning routine will be disrupted.  I plan on doing my heavy workout on Wednesday afternoon and then start working on my sermon for Sunday morning.

I have to say that I am really blessed by three men from the church who are home in Fall Creek during the day.  They are always willing to come over to my house to help me do what I need at the time whether it is giving me a ride, putting wood into my woodstove, carrying something up from the basement that I need, or whatever.  I know that many people are willing to help however they can; but many things occur during the day when no one else is around and these guys are available.  Even spur of the moment calls don’t seem to bother them.  I am very grateful for Dick K., Dick B., and Milt D.  They are the best!  They’ve got servants’ hearts and I am very grateful for the time they give me.  Many have helped me on occasion and I am grateful for every act of kindness.  But these three…Wow!  I thank God for providing them for me during this season of need.

Thought for the Day:

In the Biblical Book of Job, Satan attacks the character of Job and of God.  In essence Satan confronts God, “You claim that Job serves you because he loves you and trusts you.  But have you ever dared to test him to see whether or not your evaluation is correct?”  Satan believed that Job only worshiped God because of all the blessings God had provided him (family, wealth, health).  If God took it all away, Satan bet that Job would stop worshipping God.  So God allowed Job to be tested and his “blessed” life destroyed. 

“Satan’s accusation cuts at the very heart of worship and virtue.  Is God worthy to be loved and obeyed even if He does not bless us materially and protect us from pain?... Is it possible for us to serve God and our fellow humans from a heart of love, regardless of what we may ‘get out of it’?” [Warren Wiersbe, Looking Up When Life Gets You Down]

Job’s response was to continue to worship God and never waiver in his faith.  Job wonders why all this heartache has rained down up him, but Job never did forsake God; He continued to worship Him. 

Job 1:21   “And he [Job] said, ‘Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.’”

If we only worship God when everything goes our way; when all our prayers are answered; when everyone we love is safe and healthy; when our bank account is full and we have our material needs met, then something is desperately wrong.  If we quit worshipping God during the hard times then we haven’t really been worshipping Him, we’ve been worshipping what He provides; we are worshipping the things He gives.

“Our faith and obedience must not be a ‘commercial’ relationship between us and God.  We must love the Giver and not just the gifts; for to love the gifts and not the Giver is the essence of idolatry.”  [Warren Wiersbe, Looking Up When Life Gets You Down]

How well do you respond when things don’t go well in your life?  What if you endured the loss of every physical thing that you value in this world?  Your health? Your savings? Your belongings? Your loved ones?  What if it was all gone?  When you had nothing left but God would He be enough? Or would you turn your back on Him?

Thankfully none of us ever faces a “Full-Blown-Job Event” where all aspects of our lives are destroyed.  But we often encounter “Mini-Job Events” where one or two things go horribly wrong.  If we are going to continue to worship God throughout our lives, we will have to get beyond a “genie in a bottle” concept of God. 

One of the humanly frustrating things about the Book of Job is that God never explains Himself to Job.  Job is reminded of God’s great power, His absolute sovereignty, and His unsurpassed wisdom and knowledge.  Although we got a “behind-the-scenes” peek into why it all transpired, as far as we can tell, the only answer Job got was “I am God Almighty.”  And that ended up being enough for Job. 

When we are faced with disaster and destruction we may never understand “Why.”  At that point all we can do is hang onto “Who.” Remembering God’s love and mercy towards us.  Recalling His power and might.  Calling to mind the promises that He has made to us.  And then trust Him and take our place along side of Job and worship Him, the Lord God Almighty.

Tuesday (2/11/201

Update:

I did a hard workout on Monday with weights and stretching.  The hardwood floor where I work out was pretty dirty with us tracking in snow, etc. all the time.  So I spent some time cleaning the floor before I did exercises.  At that point I realized that I needed to get a mop to clean the floor with for the next time.  This morning (Tuesday), my left hand is a bit numb which makes typing a challenge.  I probably overdid the weights on my left shoulder yesterday.  I’ve dislocated my left shoulder a couple of times when I was in my 20’s and 30’s.  Since then if I overuse the left arm, it goes numb for up to a day or two.  I try to find the balance between pushing myself for growth and pushing it too hard.  Apparently I pushed too hard yesterday. 

Karen was going to be gone with play practice all afternoon and evening on Monday, so David and I went shopping at Walmart on Monday afternoon.  I wheeled myself into and out of the store, as well as while I was shopping.  I got a good workout on my arm muscles.  When we got inside the store, David went to the groceries and I stayed on the other side.  Of course everything I was interested in was up high.  When we went to check out, every line was busy.  When it was finally our turn, I tried to tilt the credit card machine down so I could see it from my wheelchair.  Instead of tilting, it broke away from the bracket, the back popped off clattering to the ground and it came unplugged messing up both the register and the card reader.  I felt very sorry for the guy checking me out.  He said he normally worked in lawn and garden.  He hated it when they made him check out because something always goes wrong.  He was about to freak when I broke the machine.  Poor guy probably needs therapy now because of me.  Of course there was a long line behind me and I made everyone wait at least five extra minutes. 

Nothing like drawing attention to the guy everyone is taking sidelong glances at!  I love kids because at least they openly stare at you and wonder.  Adults try to be cool about it but a good number end up conspicuously trying to NOT look at my leg. It is rather hilarious to watch.  Maybe it is just me but I have no problem with people looking or even asking a question about my leg.  Shoot, I would be curious and want to look if I saw someone with an amputation.  At church last Sunday, I was going up and down the aisle before the service started.  I spoke with one family who has a son that is about 1½ to two years old at the most.  He looked directly at my leg and pointed to it.  Even at that age, he recognizes that something is different with my leg.  He kept pointing at it, so I raised my stump up near him.  He gently poked it with his finger and then he was satisfied.  The 4-5 year old sitting in front of him saw this and he wanted to touch it too. I made him happy by giving him a chance to poke it as well.   My thought is let’s go ahead and talk about the elephant in the room that everyone is ignoring.  Obviously there is a time and place for looks and questions and there is a time and place for remaining silent and not make a deal of it.  I would recommend that if you know someone or bump into them all the time, it would be okay to notice and ask a polite question or two.  I cannot speak for everyone, but if you got a question, want to look, or even poke my stump—just ask me, it’s all fine with me.

David and I picked up some wings for dinner and met Jon back at home in Fall Creek.  After dinner Jon and David filled up the wood rake for me and then they headed for home.

Thought for the Day:

Yesterday (2/10) was originally the day I had my surgeon’s appointment where he would clear me for getting my prosthesis.  Unfortunately, he had to reschedule my appointment and the earliest date we could get in is two weeks from now (2/24).  I know that it is only two more weeks—but after looking forward to getting started walking again—it seems like an unbearably long time.  When I first heard about the appointment change; I was extremely disappointed (notice the word play: appointed—disappointed?).  It was one of only a few emotionally “down days” that I’ve had.  At first, I could hardly think of anything besides the delay.  Now I’m handling it well and choosing to see it in a positive light.  I will be stronger and have more stamina and so be better prepared for the physical strain of learning to walk.  It has also given my stump just a bit longer to heal and to be less tender.  And besides, there is just not much I can do about it anyway.  So get over it and move on!

One thing that I have found to be true is that it is easier to not go somewhere mentally/emotionally in the first place than to go back to being calm and peaceful after I have already “lost” it.    Fear is a good example.  It is easier to teach a child how to not be afraid and to keep calm, than it is to calm a child after they’ve gotten afraid and all worked up.  If you have a tendency towards anger, you should understand how difficult it can be to calm down after you are angry.  It is much better to work at not getting angry in the first place.  Often times, that is easier said than done.

Let’s use fear as an example.  It turns out that most of our fears are about things that will never happen.  When I was a teenager living in Missouri after seeing the movie, “Jaws,” I was freaked out swimming in the dark in a swimming pool!  Not much chance of encountering a shark in a pool in the middle of Missouri—maybe a water moccasin (poisonous snake) but a shark!?!  That fear was irrational; but it didn’t mean the fear wasn’t real in my mind.  The way out of fear is to flood the mind with the truth and the bigger picture.

As I’ve grown older I am more afraid of heights than I used to be.  I’ve never really liked them and they made me feel uncomfortable; but I usually could overcome those feelings by the correct mental talk.  I remember climbing a fire tower out in the woods in the Ozarks.  There are open stairs that lead up to the observation room.  I can see down between every step and the tower seems to have a little sway in it.  I know it is being actively used so it is a sound structure.  But I had to talk to myself about how safe it was to get my feet to move.  I eventually made it to the top and enjoyed the view.  Looking out to the side was much better than looking down. 

A couple of years ago my son, Jon, and I went to Chicago and went up in Willis Tower (formerly Sears Tower).  It is the second tallest building in the US.  We went to 103^rd floor where they have glass balconies that extend over the edge of the building where you can look straight down through the glass to the ground 1,353 feet below.  The balcony is rated safe up to 10,000 lbs. of weight.  I had just watched a few very overweight people (they made me look thin) walk out and stand there.  But when it was my turn, I shuffled my feet out onto the glass.  I was afraid that if I took a step and slammed my foot down that the glass would shatter and there I would go.  My son just laughed at me.

So how do you handle fear, anger, envy, jealousy, temptation, or any number of corrosive kind of thoughts? 

     

     1) Realize that whatever you focus upon will dominate your thoughts. Whatever you look for you will find.  Your thoughts can affect you physically and emotionally. If you keep thinking about it—it will grow in size in your mind.  Proverb 23:7  “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”  

    

     2) Understand that you can choose your thoughts.  Just because a thought pops into your mind, it doesn’t mean that you have to dwell upon it.  You can choose whether or not this is something worth thinking about or whether you should stop thinking about it. The sooner that you choose not to think about something, the easier it is to actually stop.  The longer you’ve dwelt on something, the harder it is to erase.   2 Corinthians 10:4  “and [we] take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

     

     3) Focus your thoughts upon good and wholesome things.  If you decide you don’t like where your thoughts lead you; then choose better thoughts.  Philippians 4:8  “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.”

     4)  Find the right mentor or someone who can help coach you so that you learn to think helpful, positive thoughts.  Philippians 4:9  “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

So often we get ourselves into trouble because we have been focusing upon one dimension of an issue.  We need to see the bigger picture to gain a correct perspective.  It might take time to re-calibrate our minds to think and see things from a more positive perspective.  It probably took years of thinking in a certain way to get you to where you are today; so don’t be surprised that it might take years to correct those habits and patterns that you are so used to now.  One of the very cool things about how we were created is that we can change.  The way you are today is not how you have to remain.  We have the ability to become new and better people.  So if you don’t like what you currently see in the mirror—then make the changes necessary to become a whole new you.

Monday (2/10/2014)

Update:

Two hours were spent on Saturday exercising.  I’ve quickly become comfortable using the weight bench and my floor mat to do my exercises.  By the time I was done, I felt good about what I had done and muscles were just the right level of soreness from lifting weights. 

I worked on Sunday’s message and PowerPoint.  I wasn’t finished by Saturday night but I was going to be at the church for two hours before the service, so I had more than enough time to put the finish touches on everything.  In the previous weeks, I have been doing most of the work at home and then transferring everything on a USB drive to take to church with me.  That was after I tried to email those files to my church office and they didn’t arrive until after church one time.  But transferring everything is a hassle, so I decided this week to put those files on Google Drive.  It’s a cloud based system, so I can access those files from any computer.  I’ve done that with some of my other files—so I decided to do it with these as well.  Saturday night I transferred the files and made certain that they were in place.  Sunday morning I got to the church and started the computer and found that all the background (reference) files had transferred but my sermon and PowerPoint did not.  They weren’t there.  I had no access to them.  At that time of the morning there is no one available at church to run back to my house to get the files and it would have been a hassle trying to explain where to find them on my computer to transfer them.  So I started writing from memory and reworked the message and the PowerPoint.  I finished recreating them about five minutes before the service began.  I spent the first half of the service getting my mind out of the panting and panic mode and back into worship mode.  God showed up and the sermon went well.  Whew!  Technology is wonderful when it works as expected.  Next week, I’ll try Google Drive again AND take the files with me to church on an USB drive as well.

Karen and I went out to lunch with the family after church.  The restaurant we picked was crowded and we waited for some time to be seated and to be served.  The food was good and worth the wait.

As soon as I got home, I changed clothes and immediately left to go to the Fire Department in Altoona.  There was a meeting going on that I was invited to attend.  I had a good time being around my firefighters.  Karen had loaded my wheelchair in my truck and I drove myself to Altoona.  When I arrived, I figured out how to get the wheelchair out by and got into the building by myself.  Yeah!  Another step towards independence!  After the meeting, I had a firefighter help me load the wheelchair back into the truck. 

Karen was at home and got me back inside safe and warm.  We watched a couple of “Star Gate SG-1” episodes and then headed to bed. 

Since it was Monday and my day off, I slept in until 6:30 a.m.  I’ve had a relaxed, enjoyable morning so far.  I read the Sunday paper, talked on the phone with someone from church, and then read my bible and some other thought provoking material.  It is about time to get going on another two hour exercise routine.  Then after that…who knows?

Thought for the Day:

Psalm 126   A song of ascents.  ¹ When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed.² Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." ³ The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. ⁴ Restore our fortunes, LORD, like streams in the Negev. ⁵ Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. ⁶ Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

This psalm is set after the Babylonian captivity as the people are returning to the land of Israel, something that they thought would never happen.  Their initial response is joyful wonder as they flood back home.  God has done the impossible and the improbable!  But the people have been gone for 70 years, and so the land has been uncultivated, hard and wild.  There is much backbreaking work to be done and it will take years of labor to restore the land.   Those who return to the land remember the stories of what life had been like when Israel flourished.  None of that beauty and bounty remain—as they look around they see only barrenness and hard work ahead of them.  So as they go out to the fields to plant seed, they cry.  They cry over what has been lost.  They cry at the effort life now takes.  Despite their tears they go and plant.  God promises that those who “sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”  In other words, He tells them “Yes, now life is hard brings sorrow; but don’t lose faith and do the right things and in the end good things will come and your hearts will be filled with joy.”

As I read this Psalm, I saw the parallels in my own life.  I am in the middle of my hard time.  There is sorrow because I lost my leg.  I lost my freedom and independence.  I lost the ability to go up and down stairs.  I lost my future and what I thought life would be like.  I almost lost my life.  I have to work hard to go anywhere and to do anything.  I am tired of sitting in this wheelchair most of every day.  Right now I am spending up to two hours per day exercising to get my body ready for wearing a prosthesis.  I am spending time every day filling my mind and spirit with inspirational thoughts.  I focus on the future and what it will be like when I walk again.  Life will be better than it currently is.  In the end I will reap a harvest of joy; I should be walking and enjoying life again without pain.  My life will be restored.  Almost everything that I have lost will be restored at least in part if not in whole.  What is not to celebrate?  In the end, I will be healthier, eating better, down to a healthier weight, etc.

My goal is to remember the past and how I got in this position so that as far as I able, I will not relive it.  My focus currently is on doing the things necessary to bring about the future that I wish to enjoy.   My strength and determination comes from faith in the Lord God Almighty.

My purpose in sharing my life and struggles is that you might be encouraged and challenged to face the difficulties in your life and become an overcomer by reaching out to God and find the resources you need.

As Jesus prepared His disciples for His upcoming death, He shared many things.  In John 16:33 He said this, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

May the peace of Christ fill your heart and give you the courage to face whatever difficulties you face.