Tuesday (1/27/2015)

Update:

On Monday, I slipped and fell on some hidden ice at the end of my driveway while shoveling snow.  One minute I was standing upright and the next moment my feet flew out from underneath me and I was flat on my back with the air knocked out of me.  After lying there a moment to catch my breath and figure out if I had broken anything, I tried to get up.  It is a little more difficult for me to get up off the ground with my prosthesis anyway; but it was really tough on this sheet of glare ice.  I was sore the rest of the day with lots of aches and pains, especially my right elbow.  This morning on Tuesday, I am happy to report that I am doing fine and almost all the pain has faded.  I am so thankful that I didn’t damage my elbow, I rely upon my upper body strength so much.  Whew!  Escaped from that one okay.

I had an appointment with my prosthetist to tweak my current leg just a little bit more before I leave for a conference in Chicago all week.  I’ve been having major debilitating pain with my current socket, which is why they are in the process of building me another one which they hope will solve the problem.   Monday’s appointment was an attempt to reduce the pain as much as possible so I can be comfortable at the conference which is tough because I hurt when I walk, when I stand, when I sit, with the leg on or with the leg off—and I have a multitude of different pains.  So although it was no easy task, I’d say overall that was accomplished.  I told Karen that the highest level of pain was reduced even though the mid-level pain was increased.  I think the trade-off will be worth it.

I’ve been having numerous different pains while walking which has severely reduced the number of steps I take each day.  Sometimes walking sets off phantom pain which tells me that I’ve severely sprained my ankle (in my left non-existent foot).  Even though I know it hasn’t happened—the pain is extremely real.  I was talking with Leah, my prosthetist, and mentioned how I am taking the max dosage of Tylenol and Ibuprofen in order to make it through the day.  The pain relievers take the edge off but don’t completely stop the pain.  I’ve found that the constant pain really drains me emotionally and physically.  Sort of like leaving the dome light on in your car overnight.  It doesn’t drain off much power; but it can be enough that the car won’t start in the morning.  Consequently, I’ve been needing more sleep to recharge—about 9 to 10 hours per day.  I don’t have any trouble sleeping through the night!  That’s when Leah stopped me.  She told me that typically amputees have phantom pains at night and cannot sleep because of the pain and they have very little pain while walking during the day.  Just another evidence that I AM UNIQUE!  That is totally opposite of my experience.  I am probably headed towards some experimentation with drugs to see if medication will reduce my pain levels if the next test socket doesn’t alleviate my problems.

I also received an eye injection with Avastin yesterday.  My retinal specialist took a lot of pictures and various scans as well.  The good news is that my vision has improved slightly while the damage and swelling in my eye has remained the same.  The hope is that the monthly injections will reverse some of the damage; but he was pleased that the damage has not continued to progress.  I also found out that typically it takes about two years of treatment before significant improvement is made (if it happens at all).  If there is improvement, the injections can be spread out or possibly discontinued.  I’ve just completed my first year of injections, so I have a ways to go.  There are two drugs currently being used to treat people with my eye problems.  We discussed switching over to the other drug which some have found to work more effectively.  Amazingly, this drug cost over $2,000 per dose!  That would be over $48,000 per year!  Crazy!  My doctor said that depending on your insurance, the co-pay alone could be excessive.  I have excellent insurance with no co-pay (and we are paying for that option) but we are checking to make certain that they cover the medication before we switch. 

The first twenty-four hours after the injection are painful.  It feels like someone poked you in the eye with a sharp stick (I wonder why that is?  Ha Ha—because they did!).  It takes a day for the vision to clear up and it feels like you’ve got a boat load of sand in your eye in the meantime.  They recommend that you take Tylenol and go to bed immediately after the injection and sleep off the first few, more painful hours.  Last night from 8-11 p.m. I had EXTREME pain in my eye.  I couldn’t sleep.  I could barely stand it!  The max dose of extra strength Tylenol didn’t touch it at all.  I was about to call in to get some heavy-duty pain meds when it finally subsided.  WOW! That was intense!  Thankfully the pain diminished and I was able to get to sleep with just the normal level of discomfort.  This morning everything is “normal.”  The eye is uncomfortable but looks and feels like it should at this point.

At noon today, I am leaving for Chicago for a theological conference held by my denomination.  It is being held on the campus of our university where my son-in-law is attending school.  So I get to spend the week at my daughter, Ruth’s.  The conference runs from 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. each day, but I will get to eat breakfast each morning and spend the evening before and after the conference with the kids.  I look forward to that and to filling my brain with all sorts of info gathered from the ten different main sessions.  I am concerned about how well I will do at the conference because I have pain when I walk or sit; with my leg on or with my leg off.  My daughter lives on the second floor (stairs that I have to climb each day) and my wheelchair won’t go into her bathroom.  It is too far for me to walk on campus so I’ll have to ride in my wheelchair but also need to walk some because sitting too long is painful.  It’s going to be a bit complicated as I carry the attachments for the wheelchair for when I have my leg on and also the attachment for when I have the leg off; because I won’t be able to last all day and night one way or the other.  I’ll have to put my leg on to get down the stairs. Then I’ll ride my wheelchair to the conference.  During the conference, I’ll do some walking.  Then eventually I’ll have to take my leg off and use the wheelchair at the conference.  Then I’ll need to put my leg back on to get up the stairs at my daughter’s apartment.  All I need is a tent and I could be a full-blown circus!  Life was certainly less complicated when I had two fully functional legs; nevertheless, I am thankful for the challenge and the ability that I have to enjoy and experience life. 

Thought for the Day:

John Maxwell writes, “No choice will determine the success of your attitude change more than desiring to change… As long as we have acceptable options, we will not change.  There seems to be three times in our lives when we’re most receptive to change. First, when we hurt so much that we are forced to change…  Secondly, receptivity to change is also heightened when we are bored and become restless…  Third, change is apt to occur when we realize that we can change…  Nothing sparks the fire of desire more than the sudden realization that you do not have to stay the same…  Life is a changing process.  With all of its transitions come new opportunities for growth…  Accept the following statement for your life: ‘The days ahead are filled with changes that are my challenges.  I will respond to these opportunities with confidence that my life will be better because of them.  With God all things are possible.’”  [John Maxwell, How High Will You Climb?]

Change is inevitable—growth is not.  Every one of us knows someone who got ‘stuck’ in their development.  They seemed to be growing along with life and then eventually they hit an invisible wall that stops them dead.  We’ve all seen older adults who cannot keep up with technology—that is an example.  Change happens so fast now a days that it can be hard to keep up.  Graduation from High School; close friends move away; having your job position downsized; experiencing a major injury or illness; aging and losing some abilities and freedom; even a positive change like getting married or having a baby creates a new environment to which we must adapt. 

Sometimes change is hard.  Occasionally change seems unbearable.  A few changes are pleasant and desired.  Anything that breaks our normal routine can be a challenge to us.  We grow use to and comfortable with “how things have always been done.”  Routines and traditions have their place; but sometimes they can also become a rut.  We can begin to merely exist rather than experience and enjoy life. 

At some points in our lives we are allowed a choice.  Do I want to take this path? Or will I take the second option?  At other points in our lives it is like we’ve been abducted and forced into the back of van that speeds away in the night.  Everything is out of our control and we have no choice.  At least that is how it seems.  The truth is, we always have a choice.  We have the choice of how we will respond to what is occurring.  We have the choice to whether to give up or to use this as an opportunity for growth.  Will we choose to see this as an adventure or as a burden?  You often have little choice at what get thrown at you in life—you do have a choice in how your will respond to it.  It’s going to happen whether you like it or not.  So will you fight it kicking and screaming or will you allow it to fuel your growth and character development?

Thursday (1/22/2015)

A little bit of amputee humor...  I thought of this last night and created it this morning...  I had fun laughing about it even if no one else likes it.

Wednesday (1/21/2015)

Update:  

Getting ready to have my third test socket made in two months. Things haven't been going well lately. I've got multiple things going on with my leg so it is tough to "fix" them. My first prosthesis was a dream. This one is turning into a nightmare. As I was leaving the prosthetist's office the other day after a long appointment, I turned on the CD player in my truck. I had a Buffalo Springfield CD loaded. The first song starts out, "There is something happening here. What it is ain't exactly clear..." I just started laughing--perfect timing. The lyrics expressed my thoughts (and my prosthetist's frustrations) exactly. Hopefully this next casting (using a different method along with a socket using a different weight bearing system) will produce a solution to the multiple issues I've been having. Right now, I am struggling mentally more than I ever had since my amputation (LBKA 12/2013). I've had set backs before, but up to this point I was always confident that I'd get back up on top. Part of me still believes that; but I'm struggling to regain my optimism. I am confident of this--God will strengthen and enable me to go through whatever I face! And that's something I can hang onto!

Saturday (1/17/2015)

Update:

Went in on Thursday for the initial fitting of my new leg.  What was hoped to be a relatively simple fitting, since it was made from a brand new cast, turned out to be a long, painful ordeal.  I ended up being at the prosthetist’s office for 4½ hours.  Some of that time was just sitting between “rounds” for me to catch my breath, allow the agitated nerves to calm down, and for me to build back up the resolve to try walking again.  It wasn’t a pretty experience.  

Adding a bit of humor to the experience was when the foot completely broke off of the socket while I was walking.  I was using the parallel bars so I didn’t fall or hurt myself; but I heard a loud crack and on the next step the foot goes rolling ahead of me on the floor.  Wow!  That would have been fun to have on video.  While I’m at the office, all the fiberglass wrap reinforcement is off of the socket to allow for adjustments.  Now I understand why they wrap that socket before they let you wear it home!  The foot was re-installed and strongly wrapped before I left the office that afternoon, so there is little chance for a repeat.  Timing is everything!  After walking back and forth in the bars for hours, I was getting very bored of the room and the short walk.  I felt like a jungle cat nervously pacing in a small enclosure at the zoo.  The prosthetist is sitting there watching my every move.  I had just decided to ask her if I could walk up and down the hallway for a while instead of in the bars.   No sooner had that thought entered my mind and the foot broke off.  So glad I didn’t have a chance to ask before it happened!  That would not have been pretty without the bars to catch myself!

The pain I was having felt like it was along the bottom edge of my tibia.  I’ve come to realize that the actual problem is not necessarily where you feel the pain because the nerves are cut during the amputation and you don’t really know where they are going to end up.  Sort of like having a wet, leaky spot in your ceiling.  Finding where the actual leak in your roof is can be challenging because the water might have traveled quite a distance before hitting the ceiling.  So I know where my brain tells me it hurts but it doesn’t necessarily mean that is where my socket needs to be adjusted.

Once I got back into the house on Thursday, I didn’t take another step.   I was fearful of additional pain.

On Friday morning (1/16) I went back in for another appointment.  Steve, one of the co-founders of the company with over two decades of experience, was coming up from Rochester, MN.  My prosthetist wanted him to help evaluate and troubleshoot my leg.  It wasn’t quite a repeat of the day before, but there weren’t any easy solutions found either.  They made a few adjustments and sent me home to try it out over the weekend.  I am to keep a detailed log of what happens and how it feels until I go back in on
Wednesday. 

I did have two nice things to report to my wife about Friday’s appointment.  Steve commented how nicely shaped my residual limb was.  Of course from there it went south.  “You would think it would be an easy fit with such a perfect looking leg…”  The other comment was that I have a very nice gait.  They really like the way I look while I’m walking.  So I get points for my form and style.  Now if I could only do more of that walking and be pain-free!

So far, on Saturday it hasn’t been pretty.  Oh, how I miss the “good old days” of pain-free walking in my prosthesis!  I am really having to apply that Thomas Edison type of determination to myself right now (See Wednesday (1/14/2015) update).    I don’t know how long or how hard the road is going to be; but I still believe that I will eventually arrive at where I want to be.  So for now… I’m just taking the next step forward.  Just putting the one foot forward and taking the next step.

Wednesday (1/14/2015)

Update:

I haven’t been doing much after 5:30 p.m. because of pain; but yesterday evening I had an event at church.  My leg ended up being uncomfortable the entire time.  It amazes me how just a slight level of pain is so draining.  I didn’t do much except go to the church and walk in and sit down.  But I was beat by the time I got home.  I was still tired and had some residual pain this morning.  I also had a knotted muscle in my back and the tendon in my left hip was screaming at me in pain, so I decided to not go to the gym to swim today.  Instead I worked the muscle loose with my Theracane and then went back to bed and got a couple more hours of sleep.  My leg still hurts but the extra rest really helped.  I’ve already decided that I won’t be going back to the church for another event scheduled for tonight if I can avoid it.  I just can’t face the pain. 

Compared to many others, I know that I don’t have much pain.  Quite frankly, I don’t know how they can focus and continue on with their life.  I assume that there are quite a few people whom we interact with each day who are in some kind of pain and not doing well.  It might be physical pain; but it could just as easily be emotional, mental, relational pain too.  We really don’t know what is going on in someone’s life; so be careful not to judge.  Give a little grace.  Be observant and ask if everything is okay if you sense something is not right.  It never hurts to ask if there is anything that you can do to help that person either.  Just knowing that you noticed is often enough to bring a moment of cheer into that person’s life.  “Somebody noticed me!.  Someone cared!” 

Tomorrow on Thursday (1/15) I am turning in my current leg and getting a new one which they hope will solve my pain issue.  If this new leg doesn’t work, they already have a “Plan B” in mind.  So if the new one doesn’t solve my problem, hopefully the next one will.  The difficulty of getting my leg to fit properly allowing me to enjoy a relatively pain-free day of activity reminds me of Thomas Edison when he was attempting to create the light bulb.  He faced failure after failure after failure.  I’ve read that he had over 10,000 failed attempts; but he wasn’t discouraged.  Each failed attempt got him closer to finding the one thing that would work.  Now that is perspective!  I want to have that kind of attitude and determination.  Everything that I try that doesn’t work gets me just that much closer to the thing that will work.

My new prescription glasses came in.  Wow! What a difference.  The vision in my right eye is still compromised but it is much clearer than before.  Unfortunately they got the glasses wrong.  They are supposed to be tri-focal but they made them only bi-focal.  They made the bi-focal lens giant, filling up the entire space where the intermediate, tri-focal lens should be.  I should get the replacement lens by next Monday or Tuesday.  I’m wearing the new, incorrect glasses for now.  My prescription has changed drastically so I am having a bit of vertigo with them.  I can’t easily read a computer screen either (that’s what the intermediate lens if for).  But the new upper lens for distance works great!  I am also having to re-adjust my head angle.  My old glasses were so bad, I had to tip my head back to use the intermediate lens for distance and the bottom “reading” lens for using the computer.  Now it feels like I am tucking my chin way down to look through the proper area of the lens.  Weird!  Hopefully I will get used to them soon.

I’ve been trying to get some replacement parts for my wheelchair.  It amazes me what a hassle it is to do so.  All that is wrong with my chair is the arm rests are cracked and broken.  Seems simple enough—I need a set of new arm rests.  I was given the wheelchair and it is an older model but it is still in good shape otherwise.  Since insurance didn’t pay for this wheelchair for me, insurance is balking about buying replacement parts for me.  They don’t have any trouble buying a completely new chair for me; but a few relatively inexpensive parts—no!  Does that even make any sense except in our throw-away American culture? 

When I first got the chair, I spent money out-of-pocket (I didn’t have insurance at the time) to buy the calf support attachment for the left leg that had been amputated.  As I recall, it took over a month after ordering it for it to come in.  I was told that a month’s delay wasn’t too bad compared to if it went through insurance.  Since I paid cash, I got the equipment I needed much sooner than if insurance was paying.  I don’t consider one month as fast.  What a crazy system!  I feel sorry for people who need parts or durable medical equipment that have to wait and wait.   

So my word for the day is PATIENCE.  Meriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as the act of bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint.  Okay…I still need to work on that!  Take a deep, cleansing breath…

Monday (1/12/2015)

Update:

Not much on the schedule for today.  I’ve got to carry firewood and then get ready for a follow-up appointment with my podiatrist.  I am not having any problems with my right foot at this time, so I don’t expect any real surprises.  After the doctor visit, Karen and I will do the grocery shopping together and then catch a movie.  So it is a fairly relaxed, low-key day.

Yesterday, the kids came over to the house for lunch and we watched the Green Bay Packers beat the Cowboys.  That was a fun game to watch together.  We’ll see what happens in Seattle next week with the Seahawks.  The rest of the afternoon and evening Karen and I spent quietly together.

I am waiting patiently for my new leg on Thursday (1/15).  In my current leg, I only have so much that I can do before the pain drives me to the wheelchair.  Only a few more days to endure until we see if the latest version will solve the issues I’ve been having.  I hope so; but if not, I’ll persevere until we find something that works.  Meanwhile, I continue to live my life as fully as I am able.

Thought for the Day:

In his on-line devotional, Today God is First, Os Hillman talked about how in a dark, difficult, seven-year period of his life he began writing a daily devotional.  He said that if it wasn’t for the adversity he faced then, he wouldn’t be a writer today.  Os went on to say that as tough as that time was for him, “We must live each day to the fullest. We can't live in the past or in the future. We must live in the moment that God gives us right now. Our time of deliverance will come according to God's schedule. Meanwhile, we need to be faithful in doing what God has given us to do and be content in the place where He has placed us.”

“When we go through a trial of adversity, we need to understand that God is performing radical surgery on our life. The purpose of this surgery is not to destroy us, but to give us a new heart. God is making a fundamental change in who we are and who we will be.”  [Os Hillman, Today God is First, 1/12/2015].

Remember these words as you go through whatever struggle that you face.  It is so normal for us to focus upon the trouble we face and never look beyond it.  If God is going to make some radical changes in your life or change the direction that you are heading—there will be difficulties in your path.  Let’s face it.  We don’t change much unless we are forced to do so.  When you are traveling, you don’t get off the interstate highway unless you need gas, food, or a rest stop.  Otherwise you just keep going in the direction that you are headed.  Likewise in life, usually we don’t detour from our path unless we are forced to do so. 

At the time, we normally don’t see the big picture of what God is trying to accomplish in our lives.  We just know that we hurt and it’s painfully hard to endure.  We often question whether God is even there and what He is doing (implying that He is failing on His part).  When those thoughts pop into our mind, which is when it is important to respond in faith—remembering who He is and what He has promised.  It is not time to freak out and lose our cool or to respond in fear and hopelessness.

God is still God even when the storm is raging around us.  He is the only anchor that can hold and keep us from crashing on the rocks of despair.  Difficult times are not a signal that we should turn away from God.  Instead it is in those times we should draw closer to Him.

Here is one of my favorite verses that I recite to remind myself of this truth (I like it in the New American Standard version): 

Isaiah 41:10      “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

As painful as our trials might be, God may be using them to develop our character, deepen our faith, or move us in a new direction.  He may be using you to impact another life or any number of other things.  We may never understand what He was doing in the midst of our trial; but we still can trust Him.  The essence of faith is that we don’t know why but we can believe in the “Who”. 

With the assurance of God’s promises, we can be content whatever our circumstances.  “Okay, God.  I don’t understand what You are doing or why You are doing it; but I trust You.  I may not like what I am going through; but if you are with me in this trial—then I am certain that I can make it through with your enabling.  Help me to learn the lesson that you have for me and grow in faith through this trial.  I submit myself to Your timing. Give me the peace and the power that I need, not to merely survive; but to thrive.  Amen.”

Thursday (1/8/2015)

Update:

I spent three hours at the prosthetist’s office on Wednesday.  We talked about my current problems, evaluated my leg and current test socket, discussed options, weighed pros/cons, etc. for a long time.  We finally decided to make a new test socket with some significant design changes.  So Leah made a plaster cast of my leg, took measurements and was going to fill the mold right after I left to make the necessary adjustments before sending it off to the lab to be fabricated (about 1½ hours of work).  I have another long appointment scheduled with her next Thursday to do the initial fit of the new socket.  This socket will still use the pin suspension system but the weight bearing areas will be vastly different than the current one.  So far my sockets have been a Patellar-Tendon-Bearing (PTB) design.  Much of the weight is carried on the tendon just below the patella (knee cap).  The new socket is designed so that much more of my leg will bear the weight since I’ve had trouble with my knee.

After a couple of weeks of testing, we’ll evaluate how well it is fitting and how much pain it is causing me, etc.  If we haven’t made significant progress in that time frame, we’ll start over and switch to an entirely different design system and see what results we get.  The next attempt will be a vacuum system suspension.  It actually has an electric pump built into the leg to create a vacuum inside of it.  The vacuum holds the leg on instead of the pin as in my current system.

I’m trying to think of a way to describe what trying to fit a prosthesis is like.  One example is how the same size of pants may fit you in one brand and that same size rides up and pinches you in another brand.  Or shoes can be the same way.  Certain shoes are comfortable and other shoes are not, although they are the same size.  Now imagine that shoes didn’t come pre-assembled and you had to select all the various pieces and have them put together.  That could make getting a comfortable pair of shoes much more difficult.  A prosthesis has to fit the user to exacting standards.  There are so many variations in people’s legs and so many options in prosthetic parts that the task is monumental.  A prosthetist has the knowledge basis and experience to get pretty close to what is needed; but there is always tweaking that needs to be done to get a fit that is comfortable and functional.

I am so very thankful that I’ve got a great working relationship with my prosthetist.  She knows her trade and I feel like I am in good hands.  I always come away from her office feeling hopeful and encouraged.  With so many unknown variables entering into the mix, I’m pleased that I have someone in whom I have complete confidence.  I always feel like I am being taken good care of by her and by all the staff at her office.  Although I’ve learned a lot in the past year, there is so much that I don’t know about prosthetic legs—it’s nice to be able to rely upon someone with a whole lot more knowledge and experience than me (and who probably knows my leg better than I do).

One of the things that I’ve noticed in the last few weeks is that my left thigh is smaller in diameter than my right leg.  I’ve been wondering what is going on.  Was this due to wearing the silicone liner and prosthesis or what?  My prosthetist said that the thigh muscles have atrophied.  I asked if this was normal for amputees.  She said that it should not be happening to me because I’ve been walking and exercising with it.  It is most likely due to the fact that I am experiencing pain in that leg and so unknowingly I am favoring it allowing my whole right leg to do most of the work.  Once I get a good fit on my prosthesis and the pain is gone, I should be able to work on that leg and build it back up.

Thought for the Day:

“Avoid weatherproofing.  The idea of weatherproofing as it pertains to peaceful living is a metaphor to explain one of our most neurotic, ungrateful tendencies.  It comes from…Dr. George Pransky.  Just as we can weatherproof a home for the winter by looking for cracks, leaks, and imperfections, we can also weatherproof our relationships, even our lives, by doing the very same thing.  Essentially, weatherproofing means that you are on the careful lookout for what needs to be fixed or repaired.  It is finding the cracks and flaws of life, and either trying to fix them, or at least point them out to others.  Not only does this tendency alienate you from other people, it makes you feel bad, too.  It encourages you to think about what is wrong with everything and everyone—what you don’t like.  So rather than appreciating our relationships and our lives, weatherproofing encourages us to end up thinking that life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Nothing is ever good enough the way it is.” [Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff].

It seems to be a gift in some people to only see the cloud and never the silver lining.  If you are infested with nits, I guess it would be good to be surrounded by nit-pickers; but it doesn’t mean that it is pleasant.  Growing up, my parents were weatherproofers.  I’m better than I used to be but I became a weatherproofer too!

I know from personal experience that nobody likes to have someone continually point out their flaws.  And a person with a critical spirit who is constantly pointing out flaws is usually a dissatisfied person too.

When I lived in Georgia, I worked for a drywall contractor.  A favorite topic among the workers was how air-tight a home should be.  They all wanted a home that could breathe a bit. Obviously Georgia winters are different than up here in Wisconsin; but the idea was getting some fresh, clean air in the home wasn’t a bad thing.  They were afraid of shutting in all cold and flu germs if the house was air-tight.  I guess that relationships need some breathing room as well.

So far in my life, I have never found a perfect person, business, church, or organization.  Every one of them has flaws.  Even the best has some flaws, so why would I keep looking and expecting perfection?  That kind of expectation really does kill your ability to enjoy everything you are involved in.  I’m not against encouraging improvement; but it is all too easy to focus too intently on the flaws and overlook all the good that surrounds us.

I’ve heard psychologists say something like, “for every one complaint or negative thing we say to someone, it takes seven positive statements to overcome the one negative one.”  The idea is that for every complaint or correction we make to our child, it takes seven positive, affirming comments to bring them back to an emotional balance.  What is your average ratio of positive to negative comments or thoughts?

Here is my take: Weatherproofing your home is a good thing.  Weatherproofing your relationships--not so much.

Tuesday (1/6/2015)

Update:

On Monday, I was very glad to learn that I am finally getting a new pair of glasses.  I’ve needed a new pair for over a year; but because of the fluctuations in my vision due to macular degeneration they’ve wanted me to wait to see how well I would respond to treatment.  I’ve really struggled with my vision over the past year.  For example, I really haven’t been able to read books for the last year.  Instead, I get all of my books on Kindle and enlarge the font size so I can read them. I have tri-focal lens and for a number of months I’ve had to look through the wrong part of my lens to see.  The top lens is for distance, the middle lens is for working on a computer, and the bottom lens is for reading.  I’ve been tilting my head back to look through the middle lens for distance and using the bottom lens for the computer.  Consequently, I’ve had a neck ache almost every day.  The prescription for my right eye has changed drastically, so the new glasses will be a vast improvement.  I’m looking forward to getting them sometime in the next week.

I go in to my prosthetist’s office tomorrow to discuss options for a change in my below-the-knee prosthesis.  The goal will be to take some of the weight bearing responsibility off of my left knee due to damage it’s sustained.  Doing that will reduce the pain I’ve been experiencing, hopefully allow me to be more active and spend more time wearing my prosthesis.  There are so many options with so many pros/cons for each system that it is hard to know the right way to go.  After discussing the options, I’ll be relying heavily upon the recommendation of my prosthetist.   I’ve also asked my wife to go with me to this appointment, so she is taking time off of work to do so.  I’m praying that we make the right decision and get the desired results.

Thought for the Day: 

“The psychologist and philosopher William James, who taught at Harvard University, said that one of the greatest discoveries of this generation was the realization that by changing our attitudes, we can change our lives.”

“Whether you are aware of it or not, you view the world through your own unique perspectives or attitudes based on your beliefs of what is good or bad, wrong or right, fair or unfair.  Your decisions and actions are based on those attitudes so if what you’ve been doing isn’t working, you have the power to adjust your attitude and change your life.”

“Think of your attitude as the remote control of your television set.  If the program you are watching doesn’t do anything for you, then you simply grab the remote and change it.  You can adjust your attitude in much the same way when you aren’t getting the results you want, no matter what challenges you encounter.”

“When you experience a tragedy or a personal crisis, it’s perfectly normal and probably healthy to go through stages of fear and anger and sadness, but at some point we all have to say; ‘I’m still here.  Do I want to spend the rest of my life wallowing in misery, or do I want to rise above what happened to me and pursue my dreams?’” 

“…you and I may have absolutely no control over what happens to us, but we can control how we respond.”  [Nick Vujicic, Life Without Limits].

Changing your attitude can be hard work; but it can be done.  And it should be done; especially if you are always depressed, angered, or less than content.  Why would you want to let circumstances outside of your control rule your life?

One method for changing your attitude is called ‘reframing.’  If you are at the airport and your flight has been delayed, instead of becoming upset, you reframe the incident.  “There was probably some mechanical failure that they are fixing.  I’d rather be sitting in the airport waiting instead of being stuck on the plane waiting.  I’m glad they found this problem while we were still on the ground!” 

Last week, my wife and I went out to dinner for our anniversary.  I had ordered a delicious steak and had boxed most of it up to take home to enjoy the following day.  As we got out of the truck after driving home, I asked my wife where my leftovers were.  We realized that we had walked off and left them on our table in the restaurant.  All that glorious food gone!  I was frustrated and unhappy.  After I had voiced my displeasure several times, my wife wisely said, “Don’t let it ruin the rest of our evening.  Let it go!”  I could have continued on and started placing blame upon who forgot to grab the box or how much money was wasted on buying the steak, etc.  The reality was that there was nothing that would change the painful truth after the fact.  I had a choice of rehashing the mistake and allowing it to upset me or just shrug my shoulders and let it go. 

I’m certain that each of us has faced something more serious than forgotten leftovers--things that could get our blood boiling, give us an upset stomach, or headache just thinking about it.  But why should we let those things control us? 

Let’s shake it off.  Stop dwelling on it.  Find the silver lining.  Choose to think about something else.  Our attitudes require continually maintenance to function flawlessly.  Invest the time and energy that you need to keep the right attitude.  

Saturday (1/3/2015)

Update:

A few days ago, my prosthetist had me slightly alter my foam liner.  It is complicated but my style of prosthesis has several parts.  From the inside out, they are the silicone liner that rolls directly onto my leg.  Then there is a foam liner that goes on top of that.  It’s job is to cushion and help fill in the irregular empty spaces between my leg and the hard outer shell, the socket.  Usually between the silicone liner and foam liner, various ply (thickness) of socks are worn as my leg changes volume throughout the day.  Normally 1-3 ply of sock is considered a good fit.  The prosthesis has to fit snugly on the leg so there is no rubbing or movement, etc.  Think about how painful a shoe that doesn’t fit well can become as you walk in it.

My foam liner has a cup-like piece in the bottom of it.  The bottom of my stump shouldn’t ever touch it as the weight is supported in other areas of the leg.  Although there hasn’t been any evidence that I am “bottoming out” (redness on my stump, or the foam showing signs of compression, etc.) the bottom of my stump has been sore.  So my prosthetist had me remove the cup a few days ago.  I have to say that so far I haven’t had that painful soreness.  That’s a nice improvement!

While I haven’t had pain, it has changed the number of ply socks that I am wearing.  Prior to removing the cup I was wearing 3-7 ply during the day.  Now I am wearing 5-10 ply.  This is the first time I’ve comfortably worn 9 or 10 ply.  I should be cast for a new socket next week, which will be smaller in size and fit more snugly without so many socks.  Meanwhile, I always carry an assortment of socks with me and make numerous adjustments to what I am wearing throughout the day.

Thought for the Day:

What one or two words come to mind if someone mentions my name to you?  What about you?  What words would someone use to describe you as a person?  Your close friends might have a vastly different perception of who you are than your casual acquaintances or co-workers.  If you are feeling brave maybe you should ask some people, “When someone mentions my name, what words come to mind that you think best describes me?”  You might be surprised at what you find out!

A good follow up question to ask ourselves is, “What words do I want people to use to describe me?”  I think that we can agree that words like “rich, famous, powerful, beautiful,” and those like them, should not be our primary goal.  I’d rather words like “faithful, loyal, dependable, a man of faith” and those like them, describe me.

The next question we should ask ourselves is, “Do the words that people use to describe me match my list of most desired words?”  If so, wonderful!  If not, what do I need to change in my life so that those desired qualities are evident to everyone?  Sometimes different groups of people see us in a different light.  Sometimes that is unavoidable.  Your spouse and children will know you more intimately than anyone else and probably get to see the “real” you.  Other people will often see another side of you.  That’s not altogether bad, unless you are purposefully attempting to hide who you are or to present yourself as something you are not.

Don’t erect a façade to hide behind.  Let’s be honest and forthright.  Let’s be ourselves; but the best version of ourselves that we can be.  Let’s be the kind of person that we can be proud of so that when people think about who to describe us, they mention only positive and inspiring qualities.  Let us be the kind of people that reflect the goodness and glory of God. 

2 Corinthians 3:18   “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

Friday (1/2/2015)

Thought for the Day:

Again today I share a devotional written by Os Hillman entitled, “Seeing The Big Picture”

Genesis 42:36b  “... Everything is against me!”

“Eventually, Benjamin along with Jacob's other sons learned that their brother Joseph was second in command in Egypt. Joseph revealed his identity, and Jacob was reunited with his son whom he had not seen for more than 13 years. He had thought Joseph to be dead.”

“So often we believe our dreams are dead. There seems to be nothing left in our world to live for. Everything appears to be against us. During these times, God is doing His deepest behind-the-scenes work. During these times, God is performing a deeper work in each of us -- a work that cannot be seen.”

“When clients began leaving my ad agency and it dried up for no apparent reason, it appeared ‘everything was against me.’ I could not see that God was orchestrating a whole new calling on my life. At the moment, it seemed like the worst thing in the world. It seemed that I had been a failure. But God said, ‘No.’ All the years before had been preparation for what God's ultimate calling would be. One of God's methods for directing His children's steps is through drying up resources: a job loss, a career change, or a disaster. In these times we are willing to listen more intently, and to seek God in ways we would not normally do. C.S. Lewis once wrote, ‘God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.’ [C.S.Lewis, The Problem of Pain (New York: Macmillan Publishing Company, 1962), 93.]”   [Os Hillman, January 2, 2015, Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Marketplace Leaders].

When things seem to be going wrong in our lives is the time that we should be listening more closely to God and trusting Him more deeply.  Sadly, the opposite is often true.  As things seem to crumble in our lives, we often withdraw within ourselves and stop looking upward.  I guess that our hope has dried up and we’ve grown tired of calling out to God, having not seen any apparent response to our cries.  Emotionally it is painful to encounter loss, grief, sorrow, death, major illness—whatever catastrophe has hit us—it hits hard!  When we are in those stretches we think, “My life is OVER!”  It is emotionally a bit over-the-top; but that is how we feel at the moment.  It is during these times that we must recall that although our lives may be a mess and everything feels out of control—that God is still God and He is still upon His throne.

As Hillman reminds us, we get pretty comfortable when everything is going fine.  So if God wants to do a major work in our lives, He’s going to have to stir the pot!  God takes the good, the bad, and the ugly and can use it for His plan for us.  Remember that!

So instead of crying out for rescue in desperation, call out to God for wisdom and peace.  Look for His hand of provision and guidance in the midst of turmoil.  Believe that He is at work behind the scenes.  Maintain your faith and trust in Him no matter what you face.  As believers we testify to the fact that God is sovereign; so then we should respond to life’s difficulties as if that is true.

I know that is easier said than done at times.  When you feel like “everything is against me” remember that God is not.  He is on your side, working behind the scenes to bring about a positive result.  We must remember that our concept of what is best may not line up with what God thinks is best.  The path He leads us on may be a difficult, broken path filled with hardship and heartache; but His ultimate goal is not to make our lives easy and happy.  It is to conform us to the image of Jesus Christ—making us perfect and complete.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10    “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.”