Update:
Last Thursday, I had a consultation at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester
concerning the hypersensitive nerve in my residual limb. When a doctor there says he’s only seen one
case similar to mine before—well that makes me “quite special.” I’d rather be a boring, “we’ve seen 100’s of
people like you before” kind of medical issue.
But despite all that, he came up with a plan. This Thursday (8/27), I return to Rochester
to have a specialized ultrasound done on my leg and then have a nerve block on
the affected nerve. I asked if I could
have it done in Eau Claire (10 miles from home instead of 100) but was told
that there are only two doctors capable of performing this procedures and both
work in Rochester. So okay then, I’m
headed back across the river on Thursday.
At my consult last week, the doctor noted that the affected nerve at
the end of my stump was enlarged and he could actually feel it with his fingers
all the way up past my knee. Of course
all of his poking and prodding was necessary but hurt terribly. And he “woke the sleeping dragon.” Since I’ve stopped wearing my prosthesis
months ago, the nerves had calmed down and I rarely had any pain in the leg. Since that appointment last Tuesday, I’ve had
some serious nerve and phantom pain. The
worst day was when it felt like someone was using pliers to pull my toe nails
out of the non-existing foot. You just
can’t have much more fun than that! Wow!
If the nerve block works, the plan is to build a new prosthesis for me
from scratch. This one will be radically
different from the others I’ve had. It
will be made so that I carry most of my weight up on the thigh. I’ll have a fairly normal looking prosthesis
below the knee. But hinged brackets will
go up each side of the knee and attached to a thigh lacer (like a corset). Bigger and bulkier than anything that I’ve
had before, but if it gets me back to walking it will be worth it.
One of the dangers of considering this nerve block procedure is that it
may not only stop the pain but may cause my entire leg to become numb. That’s dangerous because I won’t be able to
feel if something is rubbing or causing skin breakdown. If you feel that you have a pebble in your
shoe, you stop and clean it out before it causes a blister or a sore. If you don’t have any feeling in your foot,
lots of damage could be done before you discover that anything is wrong. For me, that might mean more surgeries,
another amputation, or just being off the leg for a month or two to let it heal
again. I asked the doctor about this
potential risk. He replied that it was either
try this procedure and manage the risk as best we can, OR plan to stay in the
wheelchair and not walk again. I’m
electing to take the risk and hopefully get to walk again.
I’ve got to say that I’m apprehensive about it all. I really don’t know that much about what’s
going to happen. I don’t know what
limits the new prosthesis might have.
Everything is up in the air until they go in and determine exactly how
far up the nerve is irritated/damaged.
One of the things that most amputees have to deal with is decision
making without knowing all the facts. No
matter how much research that you do and how many doctors you’ve consulted,
with the human body and your unique situation, you never really know what is
going to happen and how things will turn out.
People considering elective amputation understand this all too
well. They may have had dozens of
surgeries on their foot/ankle/leg and been in pain for years before an
amputation is recommended. There are a
lot of unknowns when faced with this decision.
I know what life is like now and I can guess at how this might improve
my life; but I will never really know until I have the procedure done. Only afterwards can I really effectively
determine if this procedure was the right thing to do. If you choose incorrectly at the barbershop
when trying a new hairstyle, at least you know if you hate it that your hair
will grow out and your can fix it in a few weeks; but an amputee faces
decisions that are often irreversible.
These decisions are made on the best available information; but what
works for one person may not work for another.
It’s a bit like playing high stakes poker. You have to decide your course of action by
looking at the cards that you’ve been dealt.
That’s all you can do and hope for the best! So I’m praying for wisdom for me and the
doctors as we feel our way forward. I’m
hoping to find improvement and get back to walking.
With my lower back pain and sciatic nerve issues, riding in a car has
not been an easy thing. The ten minute
drive to Eau Claire is tolerable now; but last week’s drive to Rochester and
back (just over two hours each way) laid me low for a couple of days afterwards
with pain. Last time, we went down the
evening before and returned home the next day so I had some time in between to
help loosen my back up. This time we are
going there and back all in the same day--I’m not looking forward to this
return trip because of that.
On a positive note, I had follow up testing and a doctor’s appointment yesterday
(8/24) concerning the kidney surgery that I had done in June. My right kidney wasn’t draining properly and
so I had reconstructive surgery done. I
was so glad to hear that right kidney is working well again. Tests indicate that is draining well and the
swelling in the kidney has gone down considerably. That was good news to get!
Thought for the Day:
How well do you deal with the unknown?
How do you handle worry and anxiety?
Let’s face it; most of the stuff we worry about will never happen. It is silly to get all worked up over
nothing. On the other hand, there are
some things that we should be worried about—things that are serious and staring
us straight in the face. What strategies
have you found to help you deal with the stress of those situations?
As a believer in God and Jesus Christ, I put my trust in Him. I may not have all the answers and know all
the details about what is going to happen; but He does. I may be impotent and unable to change the
outcome of what is transpiring around me; but He is not. The world, circumstances, and fate all may be
stacked against me; but God is for me.
On scripture passage that I memorized long ago is 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
I had trouble remembering this verse, so I came up with a visualized
memory clue. When I would hear the
scripture reference: 1 Peter 5:7, I made a casting motion like I was fishing
and made the sound of the line going out and the bobber hitting the water—“ZZzzzz
plop!” That’s what we are supposed to do
with the things that make us anxious. We
aren’t supposed to hang on to them. We
are to give them to God through prayer.
Let Him have them. Give them to
Him to deal with. Cast all of our
anxiety upon Him because we know that He cares.
Think about a lazy summer day of fishing at the pond. It is one of those days when you don’t really
even want to catch a fish. You just need
to get away and unwind. Find a tree and
put your back up against it and relax.
Once you throw the line in the water, you close your eyes and forget
about the world and if you are lucky, you fall asleep and take a restful
nap.
That’s the picture that this verse reminds me of. Let go of my anxiety--not because I am
ignoring it and pretending it doesn’t exist; but because I’ve done the best
possible thing with stuff that worries me.
ZZzzzz plop! I’ve casted my
anxiety onto God for Him to deal with them for me.
Now there is another picture of fishing that is the opposite of this
kind of restful repose. I remember as a
kid throwing the line out and watching the bobber. After a few minutes of inactivity, I couldn’t
let it alone. I had to wind the line
back in and check the bait. “Maybe I
threw the bait off when I cast my line. Maybe
a fish nibbled my bait and I didn’t notice.
Maybe….” As a kid, I did this
over and over. The poor fish never had a
chance to take the bait because I couldn’t leave it alone.
Instead of casting my cares upon God and leaving them with Him; I let
my anxiety get the best of me and had to reel my problems back in so I could
look at them again. That’s the natural
response; but it doesn’t produce peace.
I’ve come to realize that my worrying about a problem never solves it—so
I might as well cast my anxiety upon God and let Him deal with. Relax. Trust. Rest. Now that is my kind of fishing!
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