Update & Thought:
I spent the entire day at the office on Friday. I finished my sermon; however, it’s too
long. Although I like what I wrote, I’ll
have to spend part of Saturday slashing away to trim it down to a reasonable
size. Too much of a good thing is still
too much. I always find editing my
messages for length a painful, difficult process. I guess that is better than not shortening it
and the congregation thinking that listening to my message is a painful,
difficult process!
My muscles were sore from Thursday’s workout so I decided to take a day
off and not do any exercises on Friday.
So today I will be back at it. I
am really missing riding my bicycle while my leg heals. I would guess it will be at least 4 more days
(or longer) before it is healed well enough for me to don my leg and walk
again. I’d appreciate prayers for a
quick healing because normally scabs disappear VERY slowly for me. It’s August and I feel like time is wasting
away while I sit in my wheelchair—there is so much that I want to do!
Karen had a lighter client load on Friday evening and got to come home
early, so we spent some time together and we still got to bed earlier than
normal. Getting to spend some time
together on a Friday night was a nice surprise!
There is a church work day scheduled for all day Saturday. They’ll be working on the building
additions. Last week I chaffed at not
being as mobile and helpful as I used to be doing construction; now that I am temporarily
not walking it REALLY is emotionally chaffing.
I had to cancel of few things I had planned this week and modify some
others because I couldn’t walk. I
suppose that I will have to get use to the fact that some days it is going to
be like that for the rest of my life. It
is the feeling of uncertainty that disturbs me the most. I can make all sorts of plans because at the
time I am doing well. Then things
quickly change and I have to cancel what I had hoped to do. I think that during the first year post-op it
will be the worst; but I am certain that things will pop up throughout the rest
of my life. Last month it was my leg
changing size so that I couldn’t keep a good fit on my prosthesis. This month it is a waiting for a sore on my
leg to heal. It is that feeling of
uncertainty that is so difficult to manage.
I am very glad that I had my leg amputated. Remembering the pain, limping and limitations
that my bad foot caused me compared to my ability to walk and more fully
participate in life with a prosthesis—it is obvious that I made the right
choice. That doesn’t mean that I don’t
have limitations, pain or limping on occasion now; it is just that I know it is
“sometimes” instead of “all the time.”
It is the idea that I don’t know when those times will strike that is a
bit unsettling to me.
James 4:13-15 “Now listen, you who say, ‘Today
or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on
business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You
are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord's will, we will
live and do this or that.’”
The reality is that ALL of us live under the mistaken impression of
certainty. There is no such thing as
certainty in life. We don’t know for
certain that we’ll make it to work without being involved in a major car
accident, or whether we’ll be diagnosed with a life-changing disease at the
next doctor’s visit. We don’t know if we’ll
live to see our next birthday or if the stock market will crash and all of our
investments will vanish overnight. We
can make some lifestyle decisions to lower our potential risks; but we cannot
protect ourselves from all surprises.
The truth is that no one truly knows what tomorrow will bring. We assume that today will be like yesterday
and the day before, without any major surprises. But we cannot be certain. I suppose that if you look at your life
statistically, that every good day you have increases the odds that tomorrow
won’t be as good. That may sound
pessimistic but I think it is more realistic than the assumption that
everything will be fine for the rest of your life because that’s the way it is
been so far.
My point is that right now I am feeling that sense of uncertainty more
sharply than I have so far in my life.
The bible warns us to not become too comfortable with the feeling of
certainty. All of our plans for the
future need to be held lightly in our hands because in a moment’s notice
everything that we built those assumptions upon can crumble like dust and we
are left with our mouths wide open gaping at the change of fortune in our
lives.
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This isn’t total chaos theory though because there is one thing we can constantly
trust in life—the Lord God. He’ll always
be there for us through the good and the bad times, the happy and the sad
times. He is the one constant, solid
foundation that we can trust and rely upon.
He is the anchor that we can depend upon as we encounter the inevitable storms
of life. The winds might howl and waves
of adversity may crash over us—but we can make it through it all with a peace
of mind knowing that we are connected to God; and He will not fail us.
So as we go through life and we make plans and work towards achieving them,
we need to constantly remind ourselves that ultimately we do not control our
destiny. We don’t know what tomorrow
will bring, let alone the next year or the next decade. So our attitude towards the future should
include flexibility along with trust in the only permanently stable thing in
life—our God. That might not be all that
we wish we could count upon; but in the end, it is enough. Anything and everything else will eventually
fail us; but He is enough.
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