Saturday (11/29/2014)

Update:

Wednesday afternoon I went hunting with my crossbow.  I put out some corn and enjoyed watching the birds for the first hour enjoy their feast.  (Baiting is legal in our area—although it is the first year I’ve ever done it).  About 45 minutes before dark, two young does came in.  I decided to let them grow another year and just watched.  A few minutes later two more does joined them.  One was a mature doe and I decided to shoot her.  But as deer hunting goes, for the next 30 minutes she was either facing me (bad shot with a bow) or covered over by the smaller deer.  I had been holding my crossbow up the entire time and was getting tired—I probably moved too much and spooked them a bit.  The mature doe that I wanted moved off about 80 yards away.  The smallest doe kept eating.  I heard a buck grunting and watched a buck chase the mature doe off out of sight.  Another buck moved into the corn, ignoring the little does.  He was at least an 8 pointer.  It was right at close of hunting and he faced me directly the entire time until it grew too dark.  I had to sit an extra 20 minutes after dark to give them time to leave so I could walk back to the truck without scaring them.  Watching the deer got my heart racing and my adrenaline flowing.  It was intense!  I had a great time!  Maybe next time I’ll get a chance to shoot.

Although we were holding our family Thanksgiving on Saturday, most of the kids were at the house for the day on Thursday.  We sorted through a bunch of old pictures.  At breakfast with my wife, I got pretty choked up during a prayer of thankfulness thinking about the events of last Thanksgiving.  Earlier in the morning, Karen and I took a ride to my hunting site to get the SD card from the trail camera and to leave a Thanksgiving feast for the woodland critters.  We stopped by to see David (son) and Nick (son-in-law) who were first in line at Best Buy after camping overnight.  We went home to the warm house full of the rest of the family.  It was a pleasant day.  By 5 p.m. all the kids went home so Karen and I watched a movie together.

On Friday morning, my daughter Ruth and I got up and shoveled the snow.  She dropped me off at the gym and then went out to do a bit of Black Friday shopping.  At noon, she picked me up and then we went grocery shopping for the family Thanksgiving.  On the way out of one of the stores I had an intense phantom pain attack.  That drained me of all my energy—even several hours later they said I look washed out.  After we got home I put my feet up and ended up going to bed early.

It’s now Saturday morning and I’m feeling energetic again today.  My daughters, Kate and Ruth, are supposed to be here all day cooking for our evening Thanksgiving gathering.  I’ve got the kitchen clean for them to destroy.  Looking forward to the family time together!

Thought for the Day:

I was telling my daughter about the constant discomfort that I have to ignore when wearing my prosthesis.  When you first get a prosthetic leg, it is really foreign and hard to forget.  As time goes on, you learn to ignore the discomfort.  It becomes normal to you but it never entirely disappears.  My daughter said that it sounds a lot like wearing high heels.  She said that they hurt and you just sort of ignore it and go on.  Wow!  I don’t know anything about high heels; but if they are like wearing a prosthesis, you ladies need to make wiser shoe choices!

Since my adjustment earlier this week, things have gone much better for me.  Overall I am in less pain and better able to go about my day.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have limits.  Walking about 300 yards in the woods doesn’t sound like much.  Working out at the gym for 90 minutes is tiring (as it should be) but doesn’t necessarily drain me.  Going into several stores (riding the motorized carts once inside) shouldn’t take that much out of me.  But currently it does.  I think that it is due to the test socket still not fitting perfectly and my leg is still sensitive from before.  Although I am no longer experiencing major pain, however, there is a moderate level of discomfort constantly.  I do alright for a while but eventually my batteries discharge and I am out of juice.  The hard part is accurately gauging when that will be so I can manage it better.  It seems to fluctuate so much that I it is hard to tell.  It doesn’t necessarily seem directly tied to my activity level—although I think that accounts for most of it.  It seems to be a cumulative effect of doing several high-energy activities.   I haven’t figured it out yet so I just push forward until I am sent to the sidelines because I am unable to play any longer.  I look forward to getting this all straightened out so that I can more fully engage in life.  Currently there are some things that I still am not doing because of the uncertainty of my ability to walk and function.  For most of the summer, I was highly functional.  Now I would say that I am moderately functional which is much better than not being functional at all!  So while I look forward to “more and better” I am “satisfied” with where I am at currently (when I compare it to “doing nothing”). 

What a weird way to live!  Daily challenges and adventures. Lots to learn and explore. Many things to conquer and some things to endure.  There is no such thing as a “routine day” for me any longer.  Every day is different and just about the time I think that I have it all down—everything changes and I start on a new learning curve all over again.  Life is exciting!  Some days I wish my life would be a bit more boring; but I am enjoying the ride and glad I am here to experience it. 

Over this last year, I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve had multiple opportunities to learn patience; I am much better at it than I used to be—still room for improvement.  I’ve learned to ignore a lot of what I use to call “pain;” now I call anything I can ignore for a while “discomfort.”  I’ve had to learn to dig deep within myself to continually face the challenge and push through difficulties and discomfort.  Finding out how to repeatedly encourage and motivate myself to keep going when I want to quit has been very important.  I’ve learned that some of the things that used to seem so very important to me was just me being nit-picky.  I’ve had to learn to moderate my emotional response at setbacks and difficulties.  Not being able to do what I want, when I want, as freely as I want, has been a hard reality to absorb.  My leg and what is going on with it that day heavily influences my day.  I’ve learned to be comfortable with my amputation--I wear shorts in public and go swimming at the pool without a leg. I don’t necessarily try to hide my amputation, in fact I realize that I sort of enjoy others noticing. Each one of us is unique and we should celebrate that uniqueness; so my amputation is a part of my uniqueness.  It has become a part of who I am.    I’ve learned to sleep on my back and to go to sleep when the house is noisy.  I know that I have much more to learn; but that is one of the joys of life—always something more to do, to learn, to conqueror. 

Whatever your day brings, I hope you will find joy in it.  Some days you have to look a bit harder to find it; but every day you take another breath gives you reason to find satisfaction (and maybe even something to celebrate and enjoy).  

Wednesday (11/26/2014)

Update:

Last year at this time I was out of it, sleeping in front of the fireplace, fever, chills, shakes--all the flu symptoms.  Early Thanksgiving morning my wife took me to the hospital for a 10-day stay.  I had a massive life-threatening infection raging in my body.  I had been constantly sick all fall.  This is when it all caught up to me and drastically changed my life.  On Dec 3, 2013, I had my left leg amputated below the knee--saving my life and giving me an opportunity for more time with my family and friends.  

Yesterday I told my wife, "Last year you spent the whole day on Thanksgiving with me doing what I wanted.  This year, I'll spend the day with you doing whatever you want" (as long as it doesn't involve a hospital).

As I think back over the past year, it has been filled with difficulties, limitations, and setbacks.  There has also been an abundance of happy surprises, blessings, reminders of God's love, times when I felt that my heart would burst with joy.  I have it so good and I have so much to be thankful for.  Hope you get a chance to stop and think about all of the blessings you've encountered in the last year.

Happy Thanksgiving!  Remember that your life doesn't have to be perfect for you to be thankful.  Look for the good you've encountered and give thanks this weekend.  Because "Only a TURKEY has nothing to be thankful for on Thanksgiving!"

Tuesday (11/25/2014)

Update:

Well it seems like we’ve finally made some progress in adjusting my new socket.  At my appointment with my prosthetist Monday morning, she radically expanded the area around the front edge at the bottom of my stump.  That means it is much more difficult for that part of my leg to hit the inside of the prosthesis.  She also added another pad along the tibia.  The end result is that I went all day wearing my prosthesis and didn’t have any pain!!! 

I really put my leg through the paces to see how well it would work.  Right after the appointment with my prosthetist, I went and worked out at the gym.  I even did some of the exercises that I have been avoiding since I’ve been in so much pain.  I went by the grocery store to pick up a few things and then drove home.  By that time, we had 2-3 inches of snow so I decided to see if I could use the snow blower.  I was able to clean the driveway without a problem.  Later Karen and I went out on some errands.

Throughout the day I had some discomfort (some of it intense) but no pain.  Pressure and discomfort I can live with—that is sort of normal life for someone with a prosthesis.  I am very thankful that I am out of pain.  Thank you, Lord!  Now that we have finally taken care of that major issue, we can start addressing some of the more minor issues concerning the fit of my socket.

I am having one problem with my left knee that I have to go see the doctor for.  Over a month ago my knee started popping.  Most times is noticeable but not really uncomfortable; occasionally it is a loud pop and is painful.  My medical team assumed it was because I was having issues with my old socket and getting a new one would solve the problem.  I’ve been out of the old socket for over a month and I still have the issue.  In fact, now my knee will pop even if I don’t have my prosthetic leg on.  So I’ve scheduled an appointment with my physiatrist (physical rehab doctor).  Unfortunately it isn’t until December 15^th.  There is a concern that I have some underlying knee damage causing this; however, it may just mean that I need some physical therapy to get my patella (knee cap) to move properly.  The stress and strain of using a prosthesis (especially an ill-fitting one) can cause some alignment issues.

I find it interesting that prior to last year’s hospitalization, I would have ignored something seemingly so minor, “I’m 57 years old.  Of course I am going to have a few aches, pains, pops and cracks.”    Now I feel almost paranoid and pay attention to every little thing that might affect my ability to walk.  That is probably a wise course of action but after being a guy for over 55 years, it is strange to suddenly pay attention to these kinds of things.  Who knows, if this keeps up I might start developing feelings and the ability to verbally express them too!  Naw!  Let’s be real; that probably won’t ever happen!

I’ve picked the graphic for my next permanent socket.  I really like how my last leg turned out and I think this graphic will make a cool looking leg too.  I’ve spent a lot of hours looking at t-shirts on-line trying to find one that I would be proud to wear for the next 1-3 years.  This is kind of like choosing a tattoo, only not quite so permanent.  I hope it turns out as well as I imagine it will!  

Saturday (1/22/2014)

Update:

I spent the day in the woods awaiting an unsuspecting deer to wander by.  That didn’t happen but it was a pleasant day that I got to spend in the pursuit of game.  I spent a little time with friends who came by to check on me throughout the day since I am limited in my mobility.  I appreciated them doing that.  I sat in the woods from 6 a.m. to 4:45 p.m. only standing to stretch a few times.  It was only about 120 steps to the truck; but I only walked in and walked out.  Even that short distance was enough with current fit of my prosthesis.

A couple of high points for me were the crows which flew by several times.  I don’t like crows in town, but I really am amazed at how far their calls carry in the woods as they soar by.  They have some very neat vocalizations that when I hear them, it brings back great memories of being in the woods.  I also enjoyed the woodpeckers that flitted by and kept tapping at the trees.  One of the bird landed on a branch about two feet away from me.  I had a great time as we eyed one another for a few minutes.

Having lost over 40 pounds in the last year, I am cold most of the time now (I think I am colder than my wife, Karen, if you can imagine that), so I was very thankful that the temperature moderated and the high was about 37 F.  I decided to wear my old hunting clothes and not buy any new ones until next year after I’ve lost all the weight that I wanted.  I had LOTS of extra room in my coat.  I’ve lost over eight inches on my waistline and I had purchased that coat large for me back then so I’d have room for extra layers.  It worked for today but might let in too much air when it’s colder.

Despite not seeing any deer, I was very thankful for the extra time that I could spend reflecting and praying in thankfulness for the year that I’ve had.  Last year at this time, I was sick with what I thought was the flu.  I didn’t hunt on opening day.  On the next day, I forced myself to go to church although I didn’t feel well.  After the Community Thanksgiving Service on Sunday evening, I was bedridden until I went to the hospital on Thanksgiving Day.  That ten day stay in the hospital was a life­­-saver and life-changer.  So I have much to be thankful for just sitting outside enjoying the day.

And as I told a friend, not getting a deer meant that I didn’t have to go wait in line to get it checked in and I didn’t have to deal with the mess of dressing and hanging the deer.  There is a bright side to everything! 

I hope to get out for the afternoon once or twice more either in the remainder of gun, black powder, or late bow season; but I’m pretty satisfied overall right now.

Feeling blessed to be alive and enjoying life!

The pictures are a selfie of me in the woods and one view from where I was sitting watching some (normally) heavily traveled deer trails.

Friday (11/21/2014)

Update & Thought:

Had a good visit with my prosthetist on Thursday morning.  We both realized that one of my main issues was with nerve pain.  So she gave me a little more room over the nerve that runs down the fibula.  Leah also recommended that if this adjustment doesn’t reduce the phantom pain that I’ve been experiencing that I should talk to my physical rehab doctor (physiatrist) about medication.  I really don’t want to go that route so I am hoping this adjustment makes major improvements.  I’ll need to wait about two weeks to give my “abused” nerves some time to respond. 

We also decided that I’m hypersensitive to the slightest touch down at the bottom of my tibia and along the front edge of the bottom of my stump.  So she stretched the socket out a little more in that area as well.  That will reduce any potential pressure in that spot to the absolute minimum. 

Hopefully these two changes will produce positive results.  I’ve got my next appointment on Monday for further evaluation and adjustments.  We are still trying to figure out the major changes and we haven’t begun the minor tweaks.  I would foresee having appointments with the prosthetist at least twice a week for the next several weeks. 

One thing that hasn’t changed over the last month is my left knee keeps popping.  Most of the time it is noticeable but not painful.  Occasionally it will really make a loud snap and is painful.  The prosthetist said that it is time to make an appointment with the physiatrist to determine what is going on.  This started with my old socket when it wasn’t fitting well and it was assumed that it would stop with my new one.  The knee is one area where my new socket is fine so it should have stopped by now.  There is concern that my patella is out of alignment or there is some other damage causing the popping.  It happens whether or not I have my prosthesis on.  I think there is a concern that if I let go, some major damage might occur in the knee and I would lose the ability to walk on it.  That won’t be good!

I did talk with the prosthetist about the wisdom of going out hunting, shoveling snow, etc. especially while we are still adjusting the leg.  She told me to keep on doing my normal activities, just to be ready to stop if the pain gets too bad.  Maintaining my normal routine will help in the evaluation process to determine when we have everything properly adjusted.  As long as I don’t abuse my leg, it will be fine.  The phrase I hear so often is, “Discomfort is fine; pain is not.”  So what happened early this week with working the leg hard and then ending up needing to take the prosthesis off and spend the rest of the day in the wheelchair is exactly what I should be doing. 

That being said, I went out to the place where I will be hunting on Saturday to look around (and to try walking in the snow out in the woods in my boots).  Although the distance I covered would have only taken me twenty minutes (back when I had two functioning legs) and it took me an hour now, I did fine.  I found quite a few tracks in the snow near where I plan to park my truck so I don’t even have far to walk.  Since the walk on Thursday went well, I plan on going hunting on Saturday.  Don’t know how long I will last and whether or not I’ll see any deer; but I’ll be out there.  Now that makes me happy!  I’ve got some work to do on how the boot fits on my prosthetic leg and figuring out what I need to take with me; but it should be a good day.  Three of my friends will be hunting in close proximity to where I will be so if I need help, some will be nearby.

I was wondering if after all my activity I would cause a return of the intense phantom pain (shopping cart repeatedly banging into my Achilles’ tendon); but it never occurred last night.  I was a little tender down at the bottom of my tibia; but even that was less than what I had experienced previously.  So my conclusion is that the adjustments made yesterday really helped.  We’ll see how it goes until my next appointment. 

Along with the reduced amount of pain is an improved amount of positive outlook.  I have a much more upbeat attitude again.  I think part of that “downer attitude” had to do with the fact that it seemed like we had tried everything and there was nothing else that could have been done.  Yet after me describing what I was feeling and my guess at what was going on, my prosthetist came up with a couple of ideas to try—and they seemed to have worked!!!  Communication is the key to making progress.  It is amazing how just a few of the right words can spur thinking in a new direction and achieve the desired results.

I’m not alone as an amputee struggling to get a good fitting prosthesis and struggling emotionally through the process.  There was a long discussion on one of the amputee sites I belong to on this very topic this morning.   Someone asked, “How do you maintain hope in the face of setbacks?”  Most responses dealt with keeping the long view in mind (don’t just look at current problems or lack of progress), keep a good sense of humor, and don’t give up—keep fighting and stretching for the goal.  Also recognize that being an amputee is just one small part of who you are—so don’t let a difficulty in this area of your life define you.  There is much more to you than the problem you face.  That’s good advice for anyone, no matter what you are going through.

Switching gears here, I am also aware of how easy it would be to lose hope and just give up instead of fighting and working towards a solution.  A solution that might be amazingly close at hand if we just don’t quit.  I wonder how many failures are a result of someone giving up just a little too soon.

And to put this all in proper perspective, I have a friend who beat cancer into remission a while back.  He just got word that the cancer is back in two new locations.  He has started radiation treatments and will soon start chemotherapy.  Please send some prayers up for him and his family as he battles cancer once again. Comparatively, I’ve got no problems worth mentioning. 

Thursday (11/20/2014)

Update & Thought:

About 11:30 a.m. yesterday (Wednesday) my prosthetic leg really started to bother me so I took it off.  I must have irritated some nerves because from then until 5:30 p.m. my left leg was really hurting.  I felt two things.  I felt like I had twisted the ankle and like someone was repeated running into my Achilles tendon with a shopping cart.  Both of these sensations were happening on my missing foot.  I have never had the shopping cart feeling before.  It is very surreal to feel it so vividly and look down and see that it couldn’t possibly be happening.  At about 5:30 p.m. both pains stopped.  I went to AWANA (our Wednesday night kid’s program at church) in my wheelchair.  I only had a couple of lightning bolts shooting pain down my leg the rest of the night.

This morning (Thursday) I have another appointment with my prosthetist to work on adjusting my test socket some more.  This kind of pain is more difficult determine its source and how to stop it.  Many amputees suffer from debilitating phantom pain, so far I have avoided it.  Perhaps this has little to nothing to do with my prosthesis and I am entering a phantom pain phase.  Who knows?  My issues are certainly challenging and not easily identified and fixed.

I find the emotional roller coaster of hope and then diminished hope an interesting ride.  Yesterday while I was in pain, I had a time of questioning whether or not I would ever get a leg to fit painlessly again.  If I faced that kind of pain daily, I’d need to work extra hard on maintaining a positive mental attitude and learn how to be productive in the midst of pain.  Some people face this kind of situation all the time--my heart goes out to them.  Living with limitations and inconveniences are one thing to deal with; ongoing pain is quite a nothing thing entirely. 

This morning, I once again look forward to my appointment with hope.  I hope we will find some answers and make major improvements today.  I wish I could say that I am confident that today is going to be the turning point; but I cannot say that.  I am hopeful and right now that is enough.

This episode has got me wondering about the wisdom of trying to go out hunting on Saturday morning on the opening day of gun season here in Wisconsin.  I missed last year’s season with my illness and amputation.  I really want to go; but I am hesitant.  I think my wife was even encouraging me to go.  She said, “So if you go out and your leg starts hurting, come home.”  How badly do I want to do this?  How much is this worth to me?  How badly will I regret not going out and trying?  Is it really wise? 

I am usually very good at making decisions and have little trouble deciding a course of action.  So this feeling of indecisiveness is really uncomfortable for me.  I definitely don’t want to do any permanent damage but I also don’t want to limit myself unnecessarily and allow pain and fear to stop me.  I wouldn’t have made as much progress as I have so far if I had held back before.  I don’t know.  I definitely have some praying and thinking to do!  Today’s appointment and the next couple of days will give me a better idea.  As I said before, the timing of needing a new leg and difficulty in adjusting the test socket really stinks.  We don’t usually get to choose when we will face difficult times or emergencies.  They happen when they happen and we have to deal with them.  So here I am in the middle of one of those difficult times.

What about you?  What difficult times are you facing?  How are you handling them?  Are you facing them in such a manner that you can look back on how you dealt with them with pride?  How do you maintain hope in the midst of them?  I usually turn to my faith in God.

Psalm 121:1-2   “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?  My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.”

I don’t know what the future holds for me or for anyone else.  I hope that I am headed back to pain­-free walking.  I certainly haven’t exhausted all my options yet.  Disappointments can be tough to handle.  Long-term, continuous disappointment is especially difficult.  But putting this all in perspective, my life is much more than just pain-free walking.  If for some reason either now (or some day in the future) I face the fact that I will never walk again (or never walk again without pain)—I still have plenty to live for and much of life to enjoy.  My life will certainly be different and things would have to change; but isn’t that normal in life?  Each phase of my life from adolescence to now has had different hobbies and things that I have enjoyed.  I am not the same man I used to be.  I’ve grown.  Hopefully I’ve matured.  I have definitely changed.  So, worse case, I have to make a few more changes (some potentially drastic).  I can do that.  I may prefer not to have to face them; but I can do that. 

 Remember the “Red Green Show” (1991-2006 in US)?  The “Man Prayer” from the show just came to mind.  “I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess." I don’t want to; but if I am forced to I can change.  That sounds about right for most of us.  At the conclusion of one segment in the show, Red would conclude it with a phrase that I’ll close with, "Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together." 

Wednesday (11/19/2014) Take #2

Short Update: 

This morning we had a light fluffy snow. I was able to go out and shovel my own driveway (first time since sometime in 2013). It felt so satisfying to be able to get out and do it myself rather than watching someone else do it for me. I'm still in the process of having my test socket adjusted, so pushing it a bit actually make sense. I have to get to the extreme discomfort or pain level to be able to pinpoint what isn't right. Goal Accomplished!!!

Wednesday (11/19/2014)

Quick Update:

I hadn't been able to get out to my hunting site for over a month with needing a new prosthetic limb.  Yesterday I was able to walk out to grab the SD card out of the trail camera.  It captured a young buck with very interesting headgear.  

The last time I hunted it was mid-October and fall.  Now it is snow covered and mid-November with about a 30 degree drop in temperature.  My leg still needs adjusting but I should be able to get out to do some limited hunting.

I usually carry a lot of extra clothes with me when I hunt at this time of year.  Needing to use two walking sticks to aid in my balance, along with the uncertainty of how much extra weight I can carry on my new prosthesis will make the year's hunt more challenging.  Not to mention if I need to adjust the number of ply socks I have on while I am outside in the cold.  I'd have to get at my leg through a lot of gear in the freezing cold to do it.  Sounds chilly!  Oh what we will do for the sake of a hobby!

Tuesday (11/18/2014)

Update:

Monday was a less painful day.  I started out by going and working out at the gym for 90 minutes.  I went in my wheelchair without a prosthetic leg.  Afterwards I went home ate an early lunch and then put my leg on and went grocery shopping.  I went to two stores, parking in the handicap parking, walking the short distance inside and then using a motorized shopping cart.  At the grocery store midway through shopping, my cart decided to have an emotional meltdown.  Every time I stood up to grab an item the backup alarm would beep constantly until I sat back down again.  That thing is loud and annoying!  When I was in the checkout it did it when I was trying to pay and then again as I bagged my groceries.  Everyone one in the surrounding lanes stopped and looked up to see what the incessant noise was.  One older gentleman complained loudly about the irritating noise and begged someone to make it stop.  I apologized and took the cart back to plug it in and park it.   When I plugged it in the beeping stopped!  All it wanted was to be charged up.  I’ve got to say that I get enough stares by people wondering why a guy my age is using the motorized carts or parking my truck in handicap parking spaces without calling attention to myself by non-stop obnoxious beeping of a shopping cart.  Just got to laugh!

Good progress was made at my appointment with my prosthetist on Monday.  I am in a whole lot less pain now.  It’s not the way it should be yet; but we are getting there.  Much of the pain I was having was due to a nerve being pinched on the side of my leg.  What is crazy is that almost 95% of the pain I felt was at the bottom of my stump.  Guess where that nerve along the side of my leg runs!   My prosthetist heated the plastic of my test socket and gave me a bit more room over the spot where the nerve passes over that bone and most of my problems went away!  After 2 ½ hours of adjustments, I was done in and needed to go find some pain relief.  After a while the pain just overwhelms me and your body doesn’t care if the source of the pain is gone; it just wants to scream at you for what you’ve done to it previously.  So I spent Monday night with the prosthesis off, taking a few ibuprofen and using an ice pack to get those nerve endings calmed down.  I’m about to don my prosthesis and begin walking to discover how the leg will feel today.  Now that the major pain has been removed; I should be able to feel some of the comparatively minor pain points and get those adjusted as well. 

There was a large emotional change in me that occurred in the middle of my appointment yesterday.  Going in, I was in pain and it felt like it would never stop.  I would walk for a short period of time before major pain would hit, so I was always either experiencing pain or anticipating it.  That’s not a very pleasant way to spend the afternoon.  But I had to feel the pain so I could locate the problem areas so that Leah, my prosthetist, could fix them.  About midway through the appointment after we discovered the nerve issue and fixed it, I felt a noticeable change in the way I felt--not only physically; but emotionally.  It was like a giant cloud had suddenly lifted off of my shoulders.  I still had pain; but it was comparatively light and easy to bear.  I felt hope wash back over me.  “Yes! This is going to work and I will walk pain-free again!” Even when you know that you will feel better eventually; it’s still hard to endure pain.  Even if the pain isn’t over but you have a moment when you are pain-free, it is like getting a few minutes of bright, warm sunshine on a cloudy, dark day.  It gives you hope.  Thankfully, I experienced that yesterday afternoon.

 I have another appointment scheduled on Thursday morning to go in for more adjustments.  The couple of days in between give me time to see how the new adjustments are working.  Leah made at least three other significant adjustments to my test socket—so I have plenty to evaluate. 

At this point, I am more hopeful that I will get to go out hunting for part of gun season.  A lot will depend upon what I experience in the next few days.  Minor pain and discomfort is okay.  Major pain is not.  At least I have hope again and I’m headed in the right direction.

Thought for the Day:

Reading some of the posts on one of the amputee sites I belong to, I was drawn to one person’s comments.  Without giving any details, he complained about how awful life was as an amputee.  He used some very “colorful” words to describe what he thought about life.  My heart went out to the guy.  And I wondered what his life was really like.  Was it really that bad or had his outlook on life slipped that far?  I am amazed at what some people go through, so maybe life really is that awful for the guy.  On the other hand, I also see that people can turn minor inconveniences into major catastrophes by the way they think.  Not knowing any details of this man’s life, I cannot form any opinion about his comments.  All I can say is “Thank you, God, that I don’t feel that way about life.”

My life isn’t perfect; but I have so many things to be thankful for.  I have some limitations; but none of them cause me to despair of life.  Other people might look at my life and think that I have it pretty bad; while I look at my life and think, I have it pretty great.  I’ve got a loving wife and family who take care of me and help me do what I cannot manage on my own.  I have a ton of friends who are willing to lend a hand (or more accurately a leg) when I need it.  My church family is very supportive.  I’ve got an excellent medical team that gives me great care whom I enjoy working with.  Yeah, I get sort of tired of washing my leg, sheaths, socks, and liners (and applying moisturizer to my hands and lower extremities all the time so they don’t dry out and crack).  It’s a drag having to inspect my left leg and my right foot every day.  It is inconvenient to have to spend time in the morning and evening donning and doffing my leg and not just getting up and going.  I don’t like having distance restrictions on how far I can walk and I really don’t like the days when I am stuck in my wheelchair.  But overall, I don’t have it too bad.  I am enjoying life and getting to rediscover it from a whole new perspective.  Each new sunrise means another day that I get to spend here on earth.  I know that I am a better person for what I’ve gone through the last year.  I love to figure out ways to do things and get a great sense of accomplishment when I do.  I get all sorts of opportunities to apply that kind of analytical skill in my daily life.  Just figuring out how to get in and out of the pool and take a shower at the gym afterwards is a major task with all sorts of things to remember to bring and take with me.  Yep!  My life is really pretty awesome!  Every day is a new challenge and filled with discovery.  There is always something more to learn.

What do you have to be thankful for?  Every one of us can rattle off a list of how our life could be better; but thinking about what is good in our lives can be a bit more challenging.  Take time to think about what you are thankful for. 

Here’s one of my favorite Thanksgiving quotes:

Sunday (11/16/2014)

Update & Thought: 

I’ve been wearing my test socket and walking over the weekend; but only until the pain becomes too great.  After the long initial fitting on Thursday, I found giving my leg a day’s rest made my knee feel better on Friday.  So the adjustments made in that area were successful after the initial pain subsided.  Without pushing too hard so as to risk injury or damage to my leg, I’ve tried to wear my prosthesis throughout the day all weekend and do some walking.   Right now it takes me a few moments to accept the “discomfort” when I stand up.  Each step is uncomfortable and the pain level grows over time.  I was hoping that some of the discomfort I’ve been feeling was just due to needing to adjust to wearing a prosthesis again after not doing so for three weeks.  No such luck; I really do need some more adjustments.  Right now I’m taking some ibuprofen and icing my stump trying to reduce the pain I still feel.  The prosthesis has been off for six hours and my leg still hurts.  It might be nerve pain and not due to any tissue damage, so I don’t know if my treatment will actually help.

I have a long appointment scheduled for Monday afternoon for the second round of adjustments on the test socket.  I am hoping that this appointment will be enough and I’ll be back to comfortable walking again.  Right now most of my pain is along the lower edge and the bottom of the tibia (basically the bottom of my stump). 

When I knew I was getting my leg last Thursday, I had hoped to go deer hunting on Monday.  At the conclusion of Thursday’s appointment, I knew that wasn’t going to happen.  Since then I’ve been hoping to feel good enough on Monday morning to at least go grab the memory card out of my trail camera (walking without the extra weight of equipment and heavy clothes); but after the pain of Saturday and Sunday I realize that would be foolish to attempt it.

So instead on Monday morning I’ll go to the gym to work out using the wheelchair without the prosthesis on.  Exercise is good for me and I always feel good after I do it—I need a little “feel good therapy” right about now.  I won’t wear my leg to the gym because I don’t want to get so sore that I can’t feel if the adjustments have made any improvements at my appointment in the afternoon.

I am still hoping that I’ll be able to walk comfortably by next Saturday so I can go deer hunting on opening day.  If I can’t, well I guess that is just another temporary setback on the road to recovery.  I’ll be disappointed if I can’t but that is just a part of life, isn’t it.  I didn’t do anything wrong to cause it.  It certainly isn’t anyone else’s fault if I can’t go hunting.  The timing of my needing a new prosthesis just didn’t work out the way I had hoped.

When I had my initial appointments with my medical team last winter, they asked what activities were important for me to resume, if possible.  As far as hobbies or leisure activities deer hunt (bow and gun) were top on my list.  I’ve worked hard and made a lot of good progress and thought that I would achieve that goal this year.  Now I’ve lost bow hunting during the rut and I very well might not get out during gun season either.  That is why it is so disappointing to me. 

But on the other hand, I have so very much to be thankful for!  It isn’t like these things are permanently out of my reach—they just might be for this year.  But even if I never hunt again, I am going to be okay.  I have to deal with my disappointment; but it will not affect my joy and happiness and sense of well-being because I choose not to allow it to do so.  I am purposefully being as transparent as I can be so that you understand me.  Sad and sorry—yes.  Destroyed and dejected—no.  Because the truth still stands that it isn’t what happens to me—it is what happens in me that matters.  I may not be able to control my initial emotional response; but I can control how I will think about these things, what I will dwell upon, and what my outlook is going to be.  We all can make those choices. 

And I cannot forget the hundreds of blessings and opportunities that I have had over this past year.  Wow!  I cannot begin to tell you all the good things and moments of pleasure and joy that I have been given since my hospitalization last Thanksgiving.  First of all, I am alive.  I get to see another sunset and another sunrise.  I’ve gotten to celebrate my children’s and wife’s birthdays.  I am going to celebrate another anniversary with my wife at the end of this year.  I get to walk (or at least roll in the wheelchair) and have a lot of freedom to come and go.  I have a lot of independence and I have many wonderful friends and my family who have cared for me and helped me over and over again during this past year.  I am going to get to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family this year!  Yes, my life has drastically changed in the past 12 months; but not all the changes have been bad; and the good far outweighs the bad.

I really like the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9  “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;”  In spite of all of the difficulties and hardships he faced, Paul never lost hope and gave up.  His confidence ultimately came from his faith in God.  It wasn’t that Paul was all that special or heroic in himself.  He was merely reflecting work of God in his life.  Hopefully, I am doing the same thing.  My strength and resilience comes from my relationship and dependence upon God.  Oh, I know that I am really pretty awesome (just joking here) and it’s obvious that I have some deep resource of inner personal strength at my disposal.  Well, that is sort of true.  That resource of inner personal strength that you see is actually me drawing upon my faith and trust in God; it isn’t really my special abilities—it’s His.  And as much as I like this life, I realize that this physical life isn’t all there is to my existence.  So I don’t have to place all of my sense of joy, happiness, peace and contentment upon what happens to me in this life.  That perspective allows me to look beyond the here and now.  It gives me a clearer perspective on what is really important in life.

Hey, I’m not perfect and I stumble on occasion.  I have to keep watch on my attitude and make necessary adjustments so that I maintain this balanced outlook.  Every once in a while I slip and stumble emotionally; but I don’t stay there.  Instead I choose to pull myself back up and refocus my heart and mind and then take the next step on my journey.

I hope you’ll join me in seeking to walk the path of joy and contentment, despite whatever life throws your way. 

Let me end with two quotes from Viktor Frankl.  He was a Holocaust survivor.  As you read these quotes remember that they come from a man who experienced the horrors of a Nazi concentration camp and survived and ended up living a fruitful and productive life.

 “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” ― Viktor E. Frankl

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

Friday (11/14/2014) Video and Photos

Here is a short video from my recent test socket fitting:

Here are some photos from the fitting:

Friday (11/14/201

Update & Thought :

“Amputee Christmas” arrived and I got my new test socket.  So I literally “have a leg to stand on” again!  Although it isn’t a fairy tale ending…yet. 

I like the new look.  This new leg will be smaller, shorter, not as wide or high around the knee.  I have a different locking system for my pin which I really like better than the old one.  I especially like the sound this one makes as I lock my pin into place!  I think it sounds cool!  I already have the next t-shirt picked out for the graphics on the leg when we go final with this leg (American Flag and Eagle). 

Do you ever build something up in your mind and reality ends up being a bit disappointing?  I imagined that I would slip the new leg on, get a few alignment adjustments with my foot, and walk out the door within a few minutes with a smile on my face and without a problem in the world.  There was only one problem…me!  My leg decided that a few knobby protrusions, (near the knee cap) that I never really knew existed before this, would scream in pain when I walked.  It took a while to even discover this because I thought the pain was radiating from the knee cap which caused my prosthetist to look for solutions in the wrong area. 

Overall this new leg fits much better and is more comfortable when I slip it on.  It’s the walking part that we are having trouble with!!!  I spent about two hours at the prosthetic lab being worked on at my appointment on Thursday.  We made progress but we aren’t done yet, so I have another long appointment scheduled for Monday.  In the meantime, I am supposed to “test drive” the new leg over the weekend and try to figure out what doesn’t feel right and exactly pinpoint the painful areas so they can be addressed on Monday.  My track record on being able to do that isn’t exactly stellar, which slows the whole process down a bit.

So my Amputee Christmas analogy was like ripping off the wrapping paper and finding a cool toy, only to discover that you don’t have the right size batteries, so it will be a day or two until you can play with it.  Exciting but disappointing at the same time and the waiting is difficult.

Maybe it is like buying a brand new home.  You sign the papers and get the keys and think, “I’m home!”  Only to realize that you’ve got to put up curtains, hang pictures, and unpack the boxes, etc.  It will take a while before it is comfortable and all set up so you can just set back and enjoy it.

In my anticipation, I overlooked that fact that this is a process.  A prosthetic leg is highly specialized and takes a lot of adjustments to perfectly fit it to the specific shape and characteristics of the wearer’s leg.  Hey, even Robocop needed a lot of adjustments and tweaks when he came off the assembly line!

With the help of my prosthetist, I will eventually get this leg fitting comfortably so that I can walk without pain.  I have that hope.  I look forward to that desired future.  That is the goal that I am working for.

Mentally, the timing stinks.  One of my most enjoyable hobbies is deer hunting.  Over the last few weeks while I have been wheelchair bound, I’ve missed some of the prime hunting time during the rut.  I’ve been looking forward to getting my leg and heading out to the woods on Monday to get in some bow hunting before gun season (which starts next weekend).  With my next appointment scheduled for Monday afternoon that obviously isn’t happening.  I am hoping that we’ll get the bugs worked out next week so I can gun hunt; but I am not so certain that I want to pin my hopes on that happening.  We’ll just have to wait to see.  If I get to go—great!  If I don’t—well I’ve been in the woods more this year than I did last year when I was sick, so it’s already an improvement on last year.  And there is always next year to look forward to.

Dealing with unmet expectations, false hopes, and unrealized dreams can be tough.  We typically are impatient people.  We want things fixed and resolved and we want it done now!  We don’t handle waiting well.  “I don’t want to make progress, I want the final results immediately.”  We go to the doctors and expect the pain to stop and the problem to be resolved while we are in their office.  We make a mess of our lives through years of poor decisions and then expect a counsellor to straighten out our life in a couple of sessions.   “The workman that I hired to make repairs to my home hasn’t come yet—why isn’t he here the day I called?”  “I thought the addition to my home would have been finished weeks ago—this is taking forever.”   Have you ever gone to the emergency room with something that you think should be taken care of immediately and you sit and wait to be seen for what seems to be hours?  Your computer crashes and the techs say that it will be in the shop for repairs for at least a week!

Although we want it to, life rarely falls into place in perfect timing (according to our viewpoint). So what are you going to do about?  You could try ranting and screaming.  Try taking it out on the people who are attempting to help you.  That doesn’t really sound like a wise choice, does it?  We can be mad and angry at the world and at our circumstances; but our negative emotions don’t really affect the world, do they?  I have found that just because I want the traffic light to turn green when I am running late, it stays red the same amount of time that it normally does.  When I am upset, it just SEEMS to take longer to change.  Most of our typical responses to setbacks are actually counterproductive.  If we chew the person out working behind the counter for not helping us sooner, how fast will they move now?  Since our emotions don’t change reality; why should we get all worked up into a lather?  Now we have to wait AND we feel rotten on top of it. 

It would be nice to find out that our “Universal Remote” actually controlled the universe; it is typically hard enough to get it to control the TV so don’t hold your breath trying.  Our only hope is to learn to be at peace within ourselves.  Take a calm, cleansing breath and relax.  Choose to see that you are in process towards a goal rather than focus upon the yet to be achieved finish line.  Don’t give up hope of a better tomorrow, just realize that it might be a better next week or a better “month from now” or next year instead of tomorrow. 

For me, being able to turn my frustrations over to God really helps.  Here’s a verse that reminds me who is in control and what He can do for me.  My circumstances may not change but I can face them with joy, peace, and hope.

Romans 15:13    “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Thursday (11/13/2014)

Update:

After the snow earlier this week, I waited to leave the house until everything was shoveled and melted since I am still in my wheelchair.  Late Tuesday afternoon everything was good enough for me to get out.  I also planned my time so that I would return after Karen got off work so she could help me get back up the ramp and inside if I needed help.  As I left, I found that my ramp was a bit icy.  I locked the brakes on my wheelchair and I slid all the way down the ramp!  Karen helped me back inside when I got home.

So on Wednesday morning before I tried to go down the ramp, I threw ice melt on it.  I locked the brakes and slid down the ramp again.  This time I also spun in a circle as I went down.  That was a weird feeling.  I don’t have a seat belt or airbag installed on my wheelchair…   My son, Jon, was there to help me back up into the house on Wednesday afternoon.  At one point he was slipping and couldn’t get me up the ramp.  Fortunately my wheels were on a drier spot and I gave the push we needed to get back inside.

This morning I’ll be heading down “Mount Rampmore” one more time in my wheelchair.  My wife told me to call her if I needed help.  My response was, “I won’t know if I need help until after I’ve slid down the ramp and through the handrail and land in the bushes.”  My wife said, “Well, then call me from the bushes and I’ll help get you back to the sidewalk.”  I might have to tie a rope to the handrail so I can pull myself up the ramp and let myself slowly down it as well.  I hate being limited by the weather and being housebound or having to rely upon other people to help me, so if I can find a solution that works, I’ll take it.

Thankfully, I should be walking back inside the house when I come home tonight.  I am supposed to be fitted with my test socket this afternoon.  Oh, I look so forward to walking again!  Then I’ll have a few weeks of adjustments and when we get the test socket tweaked, they’ll take it to make a permanent leg that should work for me for the next year or two. 

Thought for the Day:

“Let’s face it: life is more difficult for some than it is for others.  The playing field is not level.  You may have faced more and greater difficulties in life than I have.  You may have faced fewer.  Your life right now may feel like clear sailing.  Or it may feel like rough waters.  And comparing our lives to others ultimately isn’t that productive.  Life isn’t fair, and we shouldn’t expect it to be.  The sooner we face that reality, the better we are going to be at facing whatever is coming towards us.”  [John Maxwell, Sometimes You Win Sometimes You Learn].

Isn’t that the truth!  Since my hospitalization, I have refused to host a pity party for myself.  My situation is what it is and I do not choose to dwell upon how great others have it while I (pity poor me) suffer.  All that does is drag me down emotionally.  Then not only do I have to work hard to keep up physically, I have to do it while dragging around emotional baggage too.  Why would anyone want to burden themselves with that?

To be honest, I do occasionally play the comparison game.  But I only do it in one direction.  If I am going to compare myself to someone, I look for someone who has it much more difficult than I do.  When I compare my situation to that person’s I realize how fortunate I have it.  “My life could be so much more difficult if ‘that’ had happened to me.”  I find myself grateful and happy.

Thanksgiving Day will mark the anniversary of my hospitalization.  One year since I came within an hour of death. My life isn’t necessarily easy; but I am ALIVE.  I get to keep on experiencing and enjoying each new day.  I have so very much to be thankful for; why should I ruin all that happiness with sour, dour, and gloomy thoughts? 

Whatever you are facing do it with courage and do it head on.  It is what it is.  Accept it.  Change what you can to make your life better; but don’t fret and worry about the stuff you cannot change.  Give that stuff to God.  Either He will change it or He won’t.  Whatever happens and whatever you face is what you get.  Wishing won’t change anything.  Letting it drag you down won’t help your situation either.  Life isn’t fair.  Deal with it.

You’ll be happier when you do.

Tuesday (11/11/2014)

Update:

While the snow is pretty, it makes it difficult for me to travel around since I am wheelchair bound until Thursday.  Have you ever struggled trying to push a shopping cart through the snow in a grocery store parking lot?  That is a lot like what it is like propelling a wheelchair through the snow.  It isn’t easy, so I am selective about what I attempt when the weather is not cooperating with me.  I certainly don’t want to get stuck if I am out on my own.  That would be a mess!  I guess I could drop down and crawl in the snow, but…   I also have to worry about my ramp being too slippery for me to wheel myself back up it to get into the house.  I could always call my wife and she could leave work for a few minutes to get me up and in; but I don’t want to abuse that service.  I’ve got to keep that in reserve for real emergencies.  So when the weather is like this, I really have to slow down and evaluate the wisdom of trying to get out or do I just stay at home and work from there.  I’ve got to admit that the limits on my mobility weigh heavy upon me.  I’ve gotten used to being able to go when and where I want.  Now I am limited again.

This will be the first winter that I can walk on a prosthetic leg.  Since I don’t get the same immediate feedback as a regular foot would give me as I walk; I’ll have to be extra careful about slipping and falling.  I don’t think it will be too bad; but I don’t have any practical experience yet, so who knows.  I have noticed that things that used to be tough for me to do are now simpler for me to accomplish.  Walking down an incline used to be pretty difficult; but now I can do it without too much thought or effort.  I assume that walking outdoors in winter weather will be the same for me.  This year might be a bit trickier for me; but by next year I figure that I’ll have it down pat.

Since I currently don’t have a leg that fits and I am stuck in the wheelchair, I’ve had to ask a friend to shovel my snow.  This year I am planning to do that for myself; but this week I couldn’t do it.  That is a bit of an emotional letdown.  My goal is to be as self-sufficient as I am able to be.  It was hard on me watching other do all my shoveling for me last winter.  That is what bummed me out about the early snow this time; knowing I’d have to have someone else do it for me again.

The five inches or so of snow that we got is pretty; but it means an increase in the amount of effort it takes for me to be mobile.  I was talking to a young lady who just got her driver’s license this summer and this will be the first time she’s driven on snow.  Remember that learning curve?  Even those of us who are more seasoned drivers take a few trips in the car to remember to slow down and try to stop well before a stop sign.  By mid-December we’re old pro’s again; but the first few snows are training time for us again.  Well I’ve got a whole new dynamic to learn this year.  I’m looking forward to getting out in it and learning to safely navigate on my prosthesis.

This winter, think about the mobility-challenged people that you know.  They don’t necessarily have to be wheelchair bound to be mobility-challenged.  Some older people struggle with their balance and walking, fearing a fall and breaking a bone.  Checking in on our neighbors and lending a hand now and then to them can mean so much. 

Right now I am watching the men who are cleaning my driveway and the older neighbor’s across the street.  I am very thankful for their kindness in taking care of me.  For years I’ve shoveled two of my older neighbor’s driveways for them.  I guess now it is my turn to be on the receiving end of that kind of kindness.  I hope that everyone in need has someone to help them out and to check up on them.  Maybe you’ve got a neighbor that needs a helping hand for whatever reason; if you are able to lend a hand, please do it.

Thought for the Day:

Here’s a great thought from Os Hillman with some thoughts of my own at the end:

Playing to One Conductor    November 9, 2014

"The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!' And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!' On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor" (1 Corinthians 12:21-23).

“I watched as the conductor looked over to the violin section, then the percussion, then there was a seemingly insignificant lady standing way back in the corner waiting to play her one or two notes on a chime-looking instrument. ‘Who would even notice if she didn't play her instrument?’ I wondered to myself. "The conductor would," said the still voice in my spirit.”

“An orchestra is a great picture of the way the Body of Christ should operate. It is made up of different people with different gifts, all being led by the one Great Conductor, telling us when to use our gift in the right time. I am sure the lady in the back of the room who only plays a few notes must think she doesn't measure up to the great violinist who sits right up close to the conductor.”

“However, imagine if you slowly removed each member of the orchestra, one at a time. At first you may not notice any difference without a trained ear. But as you remove each member of the orchestra, you will begin to miss the powerful and melodic sound of many instruments playing together. Finally, when all but a few of the instruments are removed, you notice a big difference in the sound and the void left from key instruments.”

“Imagine if these instruments tried to go out and play songs all by themselves. Imagine if the tuba tried to play a solo. Or the oboe did the same. You get the idea.”

“Every member of the Body of Christ matters. Every job matters to God and contributes to our great Conductor's grand plan to fulfill His purposes on the earth. Your contribution matters to God and has no hierarchy of importance.”

“Play your instrument to the glory of God in unison with the other instruments God has raised up for His purposes.”  [Os Hillman, Today God is First (TGIF), on-line daily devotional, November 8, 2014].

My three oldest children were all involved in the music program at the University of Wisconsin--Eau Claire.  In the years that they were there, I attended many concerts and music recitals.  One of the things that always caught my attention was the warm-up before the concert began.  Each instrument would play a few notes all on their own at the same time as everyone else.  It was chaos and jangled on my nerves.  It wasn’t done softly or in any sense of order.  Everyone all at once!

And then quiet prevailed and the conductor walked in and picked up his baton.  The next notes I heard were those of the entire orchestra playing together under the leadership and direction of the conductor.  What a difference his presence made!  Now the music was beautiful and flowed together.  Each instrument contributed its part at just the right time.  Working together produced a beautiful sound worth listening to.

Some instruments sound beautiful if played alone.  In my opinion, other instruments sound better when played in a group.  I attended a tuba concert with my daughter once.  I like the sound of the brass section, but not as solo instrument for over an hour.  Another time, a percussion concert gave me a headache.  Alone, it was too much for me; but put them with other instruments and I think they add so much!

I also found that some music I liked and some music, while performed flawlessly, wasn’t to my liking.  My taste in classical music is rather shallow, I guess.  Some people really enjoy it and could listen to it for hours.  I was more selective in my tastes and preferred some pieces over others.  One thing I noticed is that the conductor never turned to me and asked for approval or permission.  He made his choices and then had the orchestra perform the pieces without consideration of my personal tastes.

I add these thoughts to Os’ conclusion.  I may not appreciate other people’s contribution to the work of ministry for the church and the Kingdom of God; but that doesn’t mean they aren’t pleasing to God.   I personally may not be gifted or involved in that aspect of ministry; but it doesn’t invalidate it or make it less of a contribution.  I’ve noticed that no one person plays all the instruments; each person has their own specific specialty that they focus upon.  But that is okay because as each one plays his/her instrument, the others in the orchestra add their voices to the music.  We need all sorts of different people involved in the work of ministry to create a richness and beautiful harmony as we work together under the direction of Jesus Christ.

It has been said that our Sunday morning services should be performed for an audience of one.  Some churches sing songs that I don’t really care for.  Some churches’ use a different music style or instrument mix that I don’t appreciate.  But I have to remember that it is not about pleasing me; it is about pleasing God. 

All the various parts and pieces work together to accomplish a beautiful whole when everyone is under the direction of the leadership of Jesus Christ.  So whatever part that God has called you to play, do it for His glory.  Don’t become overly concerned with the part others are playing; focus on your own piece and play it to the best of your ability.