Update & Thought :
“Amputee
Christmas” arrived and I got my new test socket. So I literally “have a leg to stand on”
again! Although it isn’t a fairy tale
ending…yet.
I like the
new look. This new leg will be smaller,
shorter, not as wide or high around the knee.
I have a different locking system for my pin which I really like better
than the old one. I especially like the
sound this one makes as I lock my pin into place! I think it sounds cool! I already have the next t-shirt picked out
for the graphics on the leg when we go final with this leg (American Flag and
Eagle).
Do you ever
build something up in your mind and reality ends up being a bit
disappointing? I imagined that I would
slip the new leg on, get a few alignment adjustments with my foot, and walk out
the door within a few minutes with a smile on my face and without a problem in
the world. There was only one problem…me! My leg decided that a few knobby protrusions,
(near the knee cap) that I never really knew existed before this, would scream
in pain when I walked. It took a while
to even discover this because I thought the pain was radiating from the knee
cap which caused my prosthetist to look for solutions in the wrong area.
Overall this
new leg fits much better and is more comfortable when I slip it on. It’s the walking part that we are having
trouble with!!! I spent about two hours
at the prosthetic lab being worked on at my appointment on Thursday. We made progress but we aren’t done yet, so I
have another long appointment scheduled for Monday. In the meantime, I am supposed to “test drive”
the new leg over the weekend and try to figure out what doesn’t feel right and
exactly pinpoint the painful areas so they can be addressed on Monday. My track record on being able to do that isn’t
exactly stellar, which slows the whole process down a bit.
So my
Amputee Christmas analogy was like ripping off the wrapping paper and finding a
cool toy, only to discover that you don’t have the right size batteries, so it
will be a day or two until you can play with it. Exciting but disappointing at the same time
and the waiting is difficult.
Maybe it is
like buying a brand new home. You sign
the papers and get the keys and think, “I’m home!” Only to realize that you’ve got to put up
curtains, hang pictures, and unpack the boxes, etc. It will take a while before it is comfortable
and all set up so you can just set back and enjoy it.
In my
anticipation, I overlooked that fact that this is a process. A prosthetic leg is highly specialized and
takes a lot of adjustments to perfectly fit it to the specific shape and
characteristics of the wearer’s leg.
Hey, even Robocop needed a lot of adjustments and tweaks when he came
off the assembly line!
With the
help of my prosthetist, I will eventually get this leg fitting comfortably so
that I can walk without pain. I have
that hope. I look forward to that
desired future. That is the goal that I
am working for.
Mentally,
the timing stinks. One of my most
enjoyable hobbies is deer hunting. Over
the last few weeks while I have been wheelchair bound, I’ve missed some of the
prime hunting time during the rut. I’ve
been looking forward to getting my leg and heading out to the woods on Monday
to get in some bow hunting before gun season (which starts next weekend). With my next appointment scheduled for Monday
afternoon that obviously isn’t happening.
I am hoping that we’ll get the bugs worked out next week so I can gun
hunt; but I am not so certain that I want to pin my hopes on that happening. We’ll just have to wait to see. If I get to go—great! If I don’t—well I’ve been in the woods more
this year than I did last year when I was sick, so it’s already an improvement
on last year. And there is always next
year to look forward to.
Dealing with
unmet expectations, false hopes, and unrealized dreams can be tough. We typically are impatient people. We want things fixed and resolved and we want
it done now! We don’t handle waiting
well. “I don’t want to make progress, I
want the final results immediately.” We
go to the doctors and expect the pain to stop and the problem to be resolved
while we are in their office. We make a
mess of our lives through years of poor decisions and then expect a counsellor
to straighten out our life in a couple of sessions. “The workman that I hired to make repairs to
my home hasn’t come yet—why isn’t he here the day I called?” “I thought the addition to my home would have
been finished weeks ago—this is taking forever.” Have
you ever gone to the emergency room with something that you think should be
taken care of immediately and you sit and wait to be seen for what seems to be hours? Your computer crashes and the techs say that
it will be in the shop for repairs for at least a week!
Although we
want it to, life rarely falls into place in perfect timing (according to our
viewpoint). So what are you going to do about?
You could try ranting and screaming.
Try taking it out on the people who are attempting to help you. That doesn’t really sound like a wise choice,
does it? We can be mad and angry at the
world and at our circumstances; but our negative emotions don’t really affect
the world, do they? I have found that
just because I want the traffic light to turn green when I am running late, it
stays red the same amount of time that it normally does. When I am upset, it just SEEMS to take longer
to change. Most of our typical responses
to setbacks are actually counterproductive.
If we chew the person out working behind the counter for not helping us
sooner, how fast will they move now?
Since our emotions don’t change reality; why should we get all worked up
into a lather? Now we have to wait AND
we feel rotten on top of it.
It would be
nice to find out that our “Universal Remote” actually controlled the universe;
it is typically hard enough to get it to control the TV so don’t hold your
breath trying. Our only hope is to learn
to be at peace within ourselves. Take a
calm, cleansing breath and relax. Choose
to see that you are in process towards a goal rather than focus upon the yet to
be achieved finish line. Don’t give up
hope of a better tomorrow, just realize that it might be a better next week or
a better “month from now” or next year instead of tomorrow.
For me,
being able to turn my frustrations over to God really helps. Here’s a verse that reminds me who is in
control and what He can do for me. My
circumstances may not change but I can face them with joy, peace, and hope.
Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope
fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy
Spirit you may abound in hope.”
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