Sunday, November 16, 2014

Sunday (11/16/2014)

Update & Thought: 

I’ve been wearing my test socket and walking over the weekend; but only until the pain becomes too great.  After the long initial fitting on Thursday, I found giving my leg a day’s rest made my knee feel better on Friday.  So the adjustments made in that area were successful after the initial pain subsided.  Without pushing too hard so as to risk injury or damage to my leg, I’ve tried to wear my prosthesis throughout the day all weekend and do some walking.   Right now it takes me a few moments to accept the “discomfort” when I stand up.  Each step is uncomfortable and the pain level grows over time.  I was hoping that some of the discomfort I’ve been feeling was just due to needing to adjust to wearing a prosthesis again after not doing so for three weeks.  No such luck; I really do need some more adjustments.  Right now I’m taking some ibuprofen and icing my stump trying to reduce the pain I still feel.  The prosthesis has been off for six hours and my leg still hurts.  It might be nerve pain and not due to any tissue damage, so I don’t know if my treatment will actually help.

I have a long appointment scheduled for Monday afternoon for the second round of adjustments on the test socket.  I am hoping that this appointment will be enough and I’ll be back to comfortable walking again.  Right now most of my pain is along the lower edge and the bottom of the tibia (basically the bottom of my stump). 

When I knew I was getting my leg last Thursday, I had hoped to go deer hunting on Monday.  At the conclusion of Thursday’s appointment, I knew that wasn’t going to happen.  Since then I’ve been hoping to feel good enough on Monday morning to at least go grab the memory card out of my trail camera (walking without the extra weight of equipment and heavy clothes); but after the pain of Saturday and Sunday I realize that would be foolish to attempt it.

So instead on Monday morning I’ll go to the gym to work out using the wheelchair without the prosthesis on.  Exercise is good for me and I always feel good after I do it—I need a little “feel good therapy” right about now.  I won’t wear my leg to the gym because I don’t want to get so sore that I can’t feel if the adjustments have made any improvements at my appointment in the afternoon.

I am still hoping that I’ll be able to walk comfortably by next Saturday so I can go deer hunting on opening day.  If I can’t, well I guess that is just another temporary setback on the road to recovery.  I’ll be disappointed if I can’t but that is just a part of life, isn’t it.  I didn’t do anything wrong to cause it.  It certainly isn’t anyone else’s fault if I can’t go hunting.  The timing of my needing a new prosthesis just didn’t work out the way I had hoped.

When I had my initial appointments with my medical team last winter, they asked what activities were important for me to resume, if possible.  As far as hobbies or leisure activities deer hunt (bow and gun) were top on my list.  I’ve worked hard and made a lot of good progress and thought that I would achieve that goal this year.  Now I’ve lost bow hunting during the rut and I very well might not get out during gun season either.  That is why it is so disappointing to me. 

But on the other hand, I have so very much to be thankful for!  It isn’t like these things are permanently out of my reach—they just might be for this year.  But even if I never hunt again, I am going to be okay.  I have to deal with my disappointment; but it will not affect my joy and happiness and sense of well-being because I choose not to allow it to do so.  I am purposefully being as transparent as I can be so that you understand me.  Sad and sorry—yes.  Destroyed and dejected—no.  Because the truth still stands that it isn’t what happens to me—it is what happens in me that matters.  I may not be able to control my initial emotional response; but I can control how I will think about these things, what I will dwell upon, and what my outlook is going to be.  We all can make those choices. 

And I cannot forget the hundreds of blessings and opportunities that I have had over this past year.  Wow!  I cannot begin to tell you all the good things and moments of pleasure and joy that I have been given since my hospitalization last Thanksgiving.  First of all, I am alive.  I get to see another sunset and another sunrise.  I’ve gotten to celebrate my children’s and wife’s birthdays.  I am going to celebrate another anniversary with my wife at the end of this year.  I get to walk (or at least roll in the wheelchair) and have a lot of freedom to come and go.  I have a lot of independence and I have many wonderful friends and my family who have cared for me and helped me over and over again during this past year.  I am going to get to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family this year!  Yes, my life has drastically changed in the past 12 months; but not all the changes have been bad; and the good far outweighs the bad.

I really like the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9  “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;”  In spite of all of the difficulties and hardships he faced, Paul never lost hope and gave up.  His confidence ultimately came from his faith in God.  It wasn’t that Paul was all that special or heroic in himself.  He was merely reflecting work of God in his life.  Hopefully, I am doing the same thing.  My strength and resilience comes from my relationship and dependence upon God.  Oh, I know that I am really pretty awesome (just joking here) and it’s obvious that I have some deep resource of inner personal strength at my disposal.  Well, that is sort of true.  That resource of inner personal strength that you see is actually me drawing upon my faith and trust in God; it isn’t really my special abilities—it’s His.  And as much as I like this life, I realize that this physical life isn’t all there is to my existence.  So I don’t have to place all of my sense of joy, happiness, peace and contentment upon what happens to me in this life.  That perspective allows me to look beyond the here and now.  It gives me a clearer perspective on what is really important in life.

Hey, I’m not perfect and I stumble on occasion.  I have to keep watch on my attitude and make necessary adjustments so that I maintain this balanced outlook.  Every once in a while I slip and stumble emotionally; but I don’t stay there.  Instead I choose to pull myself back up and refocus my heart and mind and then take the next step on my journey.

I hope you’ll join me in seeking to walk the path of joy and contentment, despite whatever life throws your way. 

Let me end with two quotes from Viktor Frankl.  He was a Holocaust survivor.  As you read these quotes remember that they come from a man who experienced the horrors of a Nazi concentration camp and survived and ended up living a fruitful and productive life.
 “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” ― Viktor E. Frankl


“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

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