Update:
I had a
great time at the conference I attended last week. I was challenged by the speakers and got to
reconnect with old friends and meet a few new ones. I also was able to spend some time with my
daughter, Ruth, and son-in-law as well.
I used my wheelchair over 95% of the time and only stood and walked when
I absolutely had to do so. In this
fashion my pain was manageable and I could endure the long hours of the
conference.
Two things
to note from the perspective of a wheelchair.
First, nobody notices you sitting down there in a crowd. While trying to get through the crowded
entrance area before and after a session, I was tripped over numerous
times. I guess we normally scan the area
at eye level. If we don’t see anybody at
that level, then nobody must be there, right?
It got to be rather funny after a while wondering who would run into me. Nobody seemed to get hurt doing it, so it was
okay. I also noticed that those trying
to navigate through the crowd would be noticed by those standing and talking
and they would clear a path for those traveling through. I, on the other hand, had to poke people and
say, “Excuse me,” to get noticed enough for a clear path to form for me. Secondly, the sidewalks were terrible for a
wheelchair. I encountered numerous giant
cracks that nearly dumped me out of the chair.
I also found several sections of sidewalk that had been removed and
replaced with gravel (probably the old sidewalk broke last fall and they didn’t
get a chance to pour new concrete before winter hit). That made for a more challenging path. I did get my upper body workout by rolling
along. I also encountered those
push-button automatic door openers that didn’t work, and buildings that weren’t
really handicapped friendly. It is a
different world when you look at it from new perspective. I know that I never thought about those
things before I used a wheelchair personally.
Since coming
home, I’ve decided to continue using my wheelchair 95% of the time until I get
my latest test socket (sometime the week of February 9th). There is nothing they can do to increase my
comfort in the current leg and there is no point in abusing myself with the
increased pain levels I am experiencing with this leg. Going back to almost totally using wheels
instead of walking with a prosthesis feels very limiting; but it is what I’ve
got to do for now. You know how it feels
after driving 70 mph on the interstate for hours and then hit construction
where you are only driving 30 mph? It
feels SO SLOW after speeding along.
Mentally that is the difference between walking with my prosthesis and
using the wheelchair. I’m glad I have
the option; but I long for the ability to walk without pain again.
Some may not
know that I am the pastor of a church. My
congregation has been very patient, gracious, and supportive of me during the
past year of recovery. But with the last 2-3 months of pain, constant
medical appointments, etc. I really have begun to wonder if I will ever be able
to resume a normal full-time schedule.
In fairness to the church, I began a discussion with the
leadership. Their response was to offer
me a three-month long sabbatical. It
will allow me time to get more rest and give me time to better evaluate my long-term
work potential. Right now I don’t know
whether or not I will ever be able to effectively return to full-time ministry. My medical team believes that I will; but I
have my doubts and I cannot guarantee that I won’t have continual temporary setbacks. That hurts to say that; but it is an honest
question that I have to deal with. Right
now, I am trying to tie up some loose ends at work before I start the
sabbatical.
Thought for the Day:
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I’ve read
several things recently about the biblical prophet Elijah. After a great victory on Mt. Carmel, he had a
breakdown (1 Kings 19). He was
emotionally and physically beat. God’s
solution for him was a time of rest—lots of sleep and food. After Elijah’s physical needs were met, then
God worked on the negative thinking that had crept into his mind. Elijah needed a new vision of how great God
was and all that He was doing in the world around Elijah. Eventually Elijah returned to ministry with a
renewed sense of purpose and energy.
Whether you
call it burnout, the beginning of depression, or just being bone-tired weary, sometimes
life overwhelms us and we need a break.
Ever notice what a difference the weekend makes, or how refreshed you
feel after getting away on vacation? Even
getting a good night’s sleep can make all the difference in the world to us. Some people have an amazing ability to work
non-stop and continue to be productive; but eventually all of us need a break. We need some down time. Even Jesus took a pause in ministry with the
intent of getting away with his disciples for a time of rest (Mark 6:31,
32).
When we are
used to taking care of others, getting the self-care that we ourselves need can
be tough. I cannot think of a tougher
job than being a single parent.
Everything relies upon you and if you don’t do it—it doesn’t get
done. Work, chores (cooking, cleaning,
laundry, shopping, etc.), kids (homework, juggling everyone’s schedule, drive
them to events, care for them when they are sick or upset, etc.): that’s at
least 25 hours of work in a 24 hour period.
That doesn’t leave time for much rest and relaxation for mom or dad. It’s easy for a single-parent to feel guilty
for not being able to do it all. It is
hard to find the time to just put your feet up for a few minutes each day, let
alone an entire evening!
It’s okay to
admit you are struggling and to ask for help, even if you are only admitting it
to yourself and calling out to God for help.
Everyone is wired differently, so what overwhelms me may not seem too much
to you—so be gracious with others. Reach
out and lend a hand whenever you can. Offer
to babysit for a few hours or bring a meal over to give them a break. Remember to lift each other up in prayer and
to pass on a word of encouragement.
If you are
struggling with life right now; it is okay to admit that. Sometimes we just need to tough it out for a
little longer for things to turn around; but sometimes those struggles are a
sign to us that something got to change.
In the midst of our difficulties it is often hard for us to get a clear
picture of what we should do. The counsel
of a wise friend and looking for spiritual wisdom through prayer, bible
reading, and reflection can be great sources of wisdom for what you face.
God can
often be a source of hidden strength and refreshment to those who rely upon
Him. Through Him we are able to do far
more than we ever could do on our own.
God understands our struggles.
Read Psalm 42 and 43. You’ll hear
David’s cry of despair and his ultimate decision to trust in God’s strength and
provision in times of trouble. That’s a
good example for each of us to follow.
Psalm 43:5 “Why are
you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for
I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
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