Update:
I’ve really
been struggling with getting used to Lyrica.
I just started taking the full dosage today. I started with 100 mg/day a week ago and now I
am up to 300 mg/day. Throughout this
time, I haven’t driven and rarely been out of the house. Much of the time, I’ve
been dizzy or lightheaded, or feeling lethargic and sleepy. It has decreased my pain level which allows
me to walk some which in turn drives my pain levels through the roof. Sort of a Catch-22 situation. We’ll see if after a week or two anything changes. Right now it doesn’t feel
good. I’m a bit punch drunk. If these side effects don’t disappear; I’m
getting off of the medication. At least
before I could think clearly, stay active, and enjoy life. This isn’t worth it. But in a few days, my brain may clear up and it
will be okay.
This process
of getting used to the medication is driving me crazy. I’m getting tired of my wife staring at me
and constantly evaluating me to see if I’m okay. Right now, I feel whacked enough that I know I’m
not okay. I am actually glad that she is
watching me because I might misjudge how I am feeling and acting (ever have
someone who is drunk tell you that he is able to drive home safely?). Even though I know it is good that she is
watching, I don’t like that feeling. This
evening at dinner, after taking my third dose of Lyrica, I was talking to my
wife telling her a story and then stopped to think of the word I was looking
for, so I asked her, “Um, what do you call people like me? Oh yeah! I remember!
Amputees!” No wonder she is watching right now! Whew!
This situation
caused me to laugh at myself and think back to when I was caring for my
mom. I was always listening, looking,
and evaluating when I was with her. I
wonder if she knew I was watching and checking up on her. I wonder if it bothered her if she did. I can’t think any way that I could have
changed it; but it does give me a different perspective on things. Maybe next time I’ll be aware of that
possibility and try not to be too obvious.
I’ll keep my face more neutral.
There is always a time when we may need to speak up and directly address
an issue; but we need to do it grace and sensitivity. There are some conversations that seem to be
difficult no matter how much time that you’ve spent trying to find the right
words. Taking the car keys away from
your dad, or telling your mom she has to move out of her home and into an assisted
living facility so that she will be safe.
All that can be so unsettling to your loved one. The loss of their freedom. The dependence
upon others. The claustrophobia of being housebound. Being forced into new surroundings. The possible loss of friends, neighbors, and their
church family because of distance. The
sad realization that you are no longer in control of your life.
Tomorrow morning
I have an appointment to get my current socket adjusted so that I can ride my
bicycle. Right now the back wall is too
high and the back of my thigh is constantly being hit by the prosthesis as I
pedal. I also am supposed to have a mold
taken for a new orthotic for my right foot and I get to pick out a new pair of
shoes. Last year I chose a pair of New
Balance black walking shoes so I could wear them for everything. And since they are prescription shoes with an
orthotic, I HAD to wear them for everything.
I plan on getting something different this time. There is still a bit of life left in these
shoes so I’ll keep them and can switch shoes back and forth when I want to do
so. WOW! That will be nice! One of the hardest thing to wrap my brain
around was that I would have only one pair of shoes that I would wear all the
time. Ha! Deciding to have my leg amputated wasn’t too
mentally challenging for me but for some reason only having one pair of shoes
really loomed large in my mind. Because
of several medical factors, I cannot just go to the shoe story and grab a pair
to wear. Mine are special shoes designed
to wear with an orthotic insert. I guess
I could have purchased a second pair that would be interchangeable with my prosthesis
and my orthotic; but I think it would have been about $250 for the shoes. I didn’t think that I needed a second set of
shoes that badly. I’ve been thinking
that I pick some sort of ½ boot or something like a hiking shoe that will work
well outdoors. We’ll see what options
that I have and what I choose. The other
day I went to a shoe story with my son, Joshua, while he picked out some shoes. I just looked around in awe at all the
choices. I remember as a teenager how I
hated trying to buy shoes. I never could
figure out the right size. What felt
good in the store never felt right the next day. Too tight.
Too large. Just not correct. As I watched my son try on shoes, I smiled
when I realized that is no longer a problem for me. Now I have professionals measure my foot and
get me the perfect size. By the way, when
orthotist measured my foot, I found out that I had been buying my shoes a ½ size
too small all of my life.
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