Update:
Yesterday my podiatrist
examined my foot and had x-rays taken of it.
As he suspected the x-rays didn’t conclusively reveal anything. [NOTE: This is not my x-ray; but the arrow does
point to the location of most of my pain]. I have neuropathy in my right foot,
meaning that I don’t have normal feeling in it, so when I feel pain—the doctor
becomes VERY concerned. Consequently I
have an MRI scheduled for next Wednesday (3/11) and then a follow-up
appointment with my podiatrist on the following day. My doctor said that we really need to
discover the source of the pain and the MRI is the more definitive test. Until that time I am to remain non-weight
bearing on my right foot (except for transfers in and out of my
wheelchair).
The bones breaking and
my arch collapsing in my left foot was the first step leading up to my
amputation, so you can see why this possibility is concerning to both me and to
my medical team. At the very least it probably
means that I will be stuck in the wheelchair for the next couple of months. That feels like putting my life on “Pause”
when I want to be out fully enjoying springtime. It means losing ground in muscle tone because
I am not walking. It just plain
stinks!
However on the other
hand, so far the damage isn’t severe. I’ve
been doing the right things and working hard to slowly regain my life. It is a bit frightening to think that I didn’t
do anything wrong or stupid to injure myself and yet it happened. I wasn’t even walking or doing that much
because of the pain I was experiencing from my prosthetic leg. That concerns me about how much I will be
able to do even if this current problem heals.
Well, I’ll just have to
face those possibilities when we have a more definitive diagnosis. As my doctor said yesterday, we won’t even
talk about treatment options until we know what we are dealing with.
I just started my three
month sabbatical from work last Sunday.
My son asked me what am I doing with all of my time now that I am not
going into work each day? Hmm…this week
I’ve got three days of medical appointments and next week, I’ve got three days
of medical appointments so far. I’ve got
three other appointments lined up on the other “free” days. So I playfully answered, “With all my medical
appointments who has time to work?” I am
grateful for the time off that I was granted from my church—I obviously am
going to need it to rest and recuperate.
Thought for the Day:
I get a daily bible verse sent to my email. I often find that the verse for the day
speaks to the situation that I am currently encountering. I see this as a reminder that God is superintending
events and circumstances of my life; He even takes the time to jog my memory
and remind me once again that He is watching over me.
Here is the verse I received this morning:
Psalm 56:4 “In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust;
I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” (ESV)
Upon reading this, my
mind went immediately to the fact that my human flesh can fail me. I was doing pretty well during the summer,
feeling strong and like I was regaining lost ground. I was able to do more and more—I wasn’t back
up to 100% but I was on the upward trail.
Then things started to happen. My
residual limb (stump) shrunk (which is normal) and my prosthesis began to hurt
me. Okay! Time for a new prosthesis! But now three attempts later, my pain in my
left leg has only increased and I’ve become increasingly more limited. I have a joint appointment with my
physiatrist (physical rehab doctor) and my prosthetist (person who makes and
adjusts my prosthetic leg) to see about medication and anything else that we
can try to lessen the pain so I can resume a “normal” life. But before that can happen, my right foot
begins to ache and throb. Not good at
all!!! I may have a broken bone in the
foot and that means staying off the foot and remaining in the wheelchair while
it heals (if it does) for several weeks.
Emotionally I feel like my body has betrayed me with a one-two
combination punch.
The English Standard
Version (ESV) translation (that I quoted above) for this verse is accurate. The Hebrew word is usually translated as “flesh”
but the New International Version (NIV) (along with many others) may give it a
more clear meaning by translating the Hebrew word as “mortal man” instead of “flesh.”
Psalm 56:4 In God, whose word I
praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? (NIV)
What can people do to
me? Well they may support me, encourage
me, and assist me; but they also my seek to harm me, hurt me, or even kill me.
The bottom line message
of this bible verse is that people may do their worst against us; but God is
mightier. If we trust in Him then
ultimately nothing will go wrong. This
is a heavenly promise. It doesn’t mean
that we won’t face potentially horrible, difficult times in this life. We are going to experience a mixture of the
good, the bad, and the ugly. But God
promises that no matter what this life throws at us, it will have no effect on
what God will supply for us in the next.
There we who trust in Him will find blessing, contentment, and peace.
So what good does a
promise about a better forever do for me today in the here and now? What benefit is this “pie in the sky” assurance
do for me while I am hurting and wounded today?
It reminds me to have hope. No
matter how bad it gets for me on this earth, it only lasts for a little while
and something much better awaits me. It
allows me to move forward confidently despite how my flesh or the world around
me treats me. It lets me lift my head in
defiance of how I am feeling and what is currently happening to me; to declare,
“I am not finished. I am not giving
up. This isn’t all there is to my life.”
I trust in God’s
goodness and love therefore, I will not be afraid or discouraged. Yes, I may have temporary setbacks where my
faith momentarily falters; but it won’t last long because I know that God is
greater than any difficulty that I face.
He may not rescue me from it; but He will be by my side encouraging and
strengthening me every step of the way until I cross the victory line at the
end of my race. When the going is
toughest, that’s when we need to remember this the most.
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