In the Hospital, Part 2

Heart Concerns:

The doctors were concerned that since the infection had entered my bloodstream that other problems might have developed.  Strep infection likes to attack heart valves.  Early diagnostic tests indicated that two of my valves were affected and were leaking.  It appeared that I was headed for heart surgery.  The final diagnostic test was to send an ultrasound camera down my throat to get clearer photos of my leaking valves.  When the doctor explained the procedure, I was freaked out. "You're going to snake that thing down my throat?!!"  I was concerned about gagging on the camera and about possibly messing up my vocal cords and not being able to speak.  For the last decade, I've had a chronic sinus infection and have slept with my head elevated.  I had become so accustomed to that if I lay on a level surface, I felt like it was downhill and my head would instantly plug up.  If my sinus filled up would I be able to breath with the camera snaked down my throat?  As a manly man, I wouldn't say that I was terrified, but I was HIGHLY CONCERNED and not very calm.

I had many capable nurses who cared for me, but two of them stood out, Emily and Krista.  They joked with me.  They listened and answered questions.  They not only took care of me physically--they cared for me emotionally too.  As I was getting agitated over the upcoming procedure, they worked hard to calm me down, to speak words of comfort, and to prepare me for what was coming my way.

One positive side effect of the constant IV antibiotics was that my sinus infection cleared up and I had no problems besides a mental dislike of having my head downhill during the procedure.

Overall, the snaking the camera down my throat wasn't too bad.  Maybe that was the drugs they gave me to calm me down talking, but I made it through.

The worst moment, which was probably magnified in my mind, was when they removed the camera.  If you saw the Matrix, remember when Neo was unhooked from the machine and all his hoses popped loose and the tube was taken out of his throat?  That's how I felt when the Doctor announced, "All done" pulled the camera out.  I felt the thing coming up my esophagus and gag me a little as it came out.  But it was over and I survived!

After careful review, the doctor told us that there was no sign of heart damage and he couldn't even tell which of the two valves were supposed to be the ones leaking.  What!?!  He gave an explanation that sounded a lot like, "I don't know."  Later it struck me that perhaps God had done a miracle and corrected the leaking valves so that I wouldn't have to undergo heart surgery.  My wife told me that was the first thing that she thought when the doctor told us the results because everything up to that point said I had heart damage.  Thank you, Jesus!

Side Effects:

At one point, every time I closed my eyes, it was like I had a brilliant, PowerPoint slide show happening in my head.  It was so vibrant that I couldn't sleep.  I just lay awake helpless watching, unable to turn it off.  I would tell my family, "Now I see a snow covered graveyard" a second later the slide changed.  "Now I see kids swinging in a playground."  On and on it went hour after hour.  I kept announcing what slide was showing and my adult children kept asking, "Are you making this up?"  They thought I was messing with them or gone a bit over the edge.  I finally figured out that if I put my headphones on and listened to my worship music playlist at loud volume, I was able to ignore the slide show and get some sleep.  We later learned that the slide show effect was a common side effect for one of the drugs I was taking.  "See I'm not crazy."  Or at least that isn't a sign of my craziness anyway!

The other major side effect was that overtime, I became overly salinated.  When I came into the hospital, I was dehydrated so they pumped saline into me.  Eventually they just let it drip in; but I was on a constant saline drip. About Day 5 in the hospital, whenever I cried, my tears were so salty that they burned my face.  My lips were always salty, like I just eaten a bag of Fritos--but without the joy of the chips  :-)  If I turned my head too fast or dipped my head, my mouth would instantly fill with saliva that tasted like heavily salted water.  The mucus in the back of my throat was so salty that it would set off the gag reflect and I would dry heave for several minutes. My stomach was constantly upset and I could barely eat anything.  I tried to joke and tell people that "California called me asked for their salt back for their ocean."  At least I thought it was funny.  

THEN it got bad.  I was exuding so  much salt through my pores that my entire body began to itch.  A sponge bath only lessened the effect for a few moments.  I remember one night that I was so uncomfortable that I squirmed and twisted for over two hours trying to get comfortable and go to sleep.  At that point I was pretty helpless and my wife had to help re-arrange pillows, help me turn, etc.  At the end of the two hours she was in tears needing rest and I was still not comfortable.  I finally quit asking her to help and silently endured the discomfort so she could get some rest.  I eventually convinced the staff to stop the saline drip.  It took a day for the pain to go away.  I was still salty several days after I was out of the hospital, but each day I felt a bit better.  

Aargh!  Avast!

My family started the pirate jokes right after we scheduled the amputation. "Next Halloween, you can dress up as a Pirate."  One of my eyes was giving me some trouble and they suggested that I get an eye patch.  I drew the line at the parrot.  The way things were going I figured the dumb bird would peck my eye out.  When I got irritable because of the salt, I made this conclusion. The hospital was trying to do everything to transform me into a salty sea dog of a pirate!!!  First the amputation and now the salt treatment.  Being around the ocean and all that salt, no wonder pirates wanted to blow up ships and get into sword fights--they were just acting out their pain.  I came to the conclusion that pirates were just misunderstood amputees that weren't feeling well.