Saturday (5/31/2014)

Update:

I spent the morning emailing back and forth with my prosthetist.  She asked me lots of clarifying questions concerning the pain I was experiencing, most of which I wasn’t certain how to answer her.  If you don’t really know too much about car repair, have you ever tried to explain to a mechanic the noise you are hearing?  It is kind of like that for me and the leg.  Leah wanted me to wait until next week to come in and in the meantime to pay close attention to what was happening with my leg if I encountered any more pain.  Sounds easy enough.

I got to the office just after 10:30 a.m. and in less than an hour, the severe pain had returned.  I emailed Leah to let her know what was happening and she asked me to come in to the lab just after lunch.  I painfully limped out to the truck and then into my house where I promptly got into the wheelchair.  I ate lunch and then headed into Eau Claire. 

Getting the wheelchair loaded caused me to run a little behind and wouldn’t you know it, I got behind someone who thought 5-10 MPH under the speed limit was the perfect way to travel on such a lovely day.  The traffic lights conspired against me as well making certain that I stopped at almost everyone.  I was going to be late for the appointment that Leah squeezed me into.  I was getting frustrated and anxious and fussing at the driver slowly leaving the light and taking forever to get up to speed.  I’ve been reading “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff… and everything is small stuff” by Richard Carlson and decided to apply what I read while I was sitting at the next red light.  I chose to let all my frustration go and realize that a few minutes late really wasn’t going to matter.  I had just let it all go when the light finally turned green.  The car in front of me was slow about getting moving again and the car behind me angrily blew his horn about 8 times in rapid succession.  I just laughed to myself, “See that is exactly the kind of attitude that I wanted to avoid creating in myself.  That guy needs to chillax.”  I ended up at my appointment a little over five minutes late; but Leah was running behind and she wasn’t ready for me for another 20 minutes anyway.  There was no need to get emotionally all worked up and rush like crazy.  Glad I calmed down and enjoyed the last five minutes of my drive!

My appointment stretched to over 90 minutes as we sought to discover the cause of my pain.  I was glad that my knee was acting up while I was with her so she could help me figure out what exactly was going on.  I was getting a terrible pop near the tendon below the knee cap.  Leah discovered that my prosthesis was loose from front to back and adding a thick pad seemed to take care of that problem.  Then I started getting a tendon or muscle snapping over the lower part of the fibula.  OUCH!  She added another pad next to my tibia and that seemed to take care of the problem.  It was pretty amazing that moving the pad 1/8 inch in either direction did nothing or relieved the pain.  I left her office feeling good about the prosthesis.  But I was a bit nauseated by the pain of having to walk on my leg to get it to pop and snap over and over during the discovery phase of the exam. 

I had one incident a couple of hours later.  This time I could tell that the pain was from that tendon snapping over the fibula.  I added another ply of sock and that took care of the problem.  Other than that, the rest of the evening went fine with my leg.  Leah suggested that I keep my wheelchair close at hand this weekend in case something else flared up.  I’m glad that we finally solved two problems that I’ve been having.  Hopefully no new ones will rear their head for the next couple of weeks.

While all this was going on my computer at the office decided to take the day off too.  I had to call in my tech support guy who finally figured out that my user profile was corrupted and that’s why all my programs and files disappeared on me.  He was able to recover my files and get me back in business temporarily.  While we were working on that the phone service went out.  We are getting ready to add a couple of small additions onto the church.  The phone company had to reroute our lines and decided to lay a temporary line on top of the ground.  Laying in the grass, the thin black cable is almost impossible to see.  The guy mowing the lawn didn’t see it until after the damage was done.  That took some time to find all the bad spots and get us back in service. 

What a crazy mixed up kind of day!  Here I thought that I would get to the church a little early and get lots done.  Ha!  Ha!  The joke was on me.  Tomorrow has to go more smoothly right?

Thought for the Day:

Helen Keller wrote: “We belong to the largest company in all the world—the company of those who have known suffering….So long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-4; 8-11    “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God….For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.  Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.  He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.  You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.”

Out of his experience, “Paul gained a greater sensitivity to the pains of others, and he found himself better able to comfort them.  He learned to shun self-pity and to look for opportunities to help somebody else who was in need.  He tried to practice what he wrote in Romans 12:15, ‘Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.’”

Job’s comforters are well known as friends who came to help; but ended up hurting more than helping.

“Their first mistake was that they reacted to Job’s words instead of responding to Job’s feelings.  Here was a man devastated by trouble, and they started an argument with him!  Why? Because they were listening with the ears and not with the heart.” 

“There’s a reason why Job’s friends were on the defensive: Job was a threat to them.  These three men had their theology neatly packaged, and this gave them a feeling of security.  But Job’s experience not only unwrapped their neat package; it scattered the contents all over the ground!  They could not explain why a godly man should suffer, and this meant that what happened to Job might happen to them!”

This leads to the second mistake Job’s friends made: they explained instead of encouraged… People who suffer do ask questions, but they are not always looking for answers.  They are trying to find out if you and I are the kind of friends who will let them ask questions and not criticize them… By caring for others, we show that God cares… When we listen, we’re assuring others that God is listening.  When we share His comfort, we are helping them to grow in their own personal relationship with God.”

“No two experiences are exactly alike.  In fact, one of the worst things we can do is to compare experiences with others, because it can end in subtle competition.  People who hurt don’t really believe that anybody else has felt exactly what they feel.  The best thing to do in comforting others is just to focus on God, the God of all comfort… We must be channels of God’s comfort to help people have the courage to face life honestly, the wisdom to understand what to do, the strength to do it, and the faith and hope to wait for God to do the rest.”

“People with threadbare clichés only deepen our wounds instead of soothing them.  Clichés like: ‘Things could be worse,’ they tell us. Could they?  They seem pretty bad right now.  ‘Other people have it worse than you do!’ Do they? How do you know?  Anyway, should it make me feel better to know that others have it worse than I do? ‘Just think of the wonderful memories you have!’ Have you ever tried to live on memories?  Sometimes my past joys only magnify my present pain.”

“God’s promises are medicine for the broken heart.  Let Him comfort you.  And, after He has comforted you, try to share that comfort with somebody else.  It will do both of you good.”

All of the above quotes are from [Warren Wiersbe, Looking Up When Life Gets You Down].  I couldn’t have said it better, so I let him just say it.  

Friday (5/30/2014)

Update:

My prosthetist contacted me on Wednesday night and agreed that on Thursday morning, my prosthesis most probably fit fine again (the stump shrinks throughout the day with the pressure put on it while in the prosthesis; overnight the leg regains some of its volume).  She wanted me to go about my normal day and see what would happen.  It has been a bit unnerving going about my business waiting for the pain to hit again.  I wanted to go for a walk earlier in the day but decided that I should wait until my wife got home so I would have someone to come rescue me if I got stranded away from home.

Thursday morning I went for a motorcycle ride with a friend.  We had planned to do it on Monday but we got rained out.  We ended up covering just over 50 miles wandering the back roads.  I still need to knock off some of the rust from my riding skills but I am getting more comfortable on the cycle with my prosthesis.  We ended up eating lunch at a Subway on the way back home.  It was a beautiful day for a ride.

I weighed in on Thursday afternoon and I lost another 4.6 pounds this week; so my total loss is 11.4 pounds.  I have to tighten my belt 2 or 3 extra notches—so my plan is working!  All I have to do is keep working my plan.  Right now I am feeling good and see no difficulty in continuing what I’ve been doing.

I took my walk up and down the street after dinner.  I made it the entire way without a problem with pain in my leg.  I did a 60-minute workout that really wore me out.  I decided to cool down after the workout by walking my street again.  I got about 20 yards down the street and my leg began hurting with every step I took.  I called Karen and she brought the wheelchair to get me home.  She laughed because I wasn’t even out the door two minutes when I had to call for a tow truck.

So I emailed my prosthetist with the news; now I wait to see how she wants to proceed. 

Interestingly, on Wednesday night when I first experienced the pain, it really knocked me back emotionally for the evening.  As I predicted, by Thursday morning I was back on top emotionally.  On Thursday night when I experienced the same kind of pain, I’ve got a “business as usual” attitude about it.  How quickly we adjust to a new situation!  What really concerns me is planning around the next flare up.  If it keeps happening only later at night, I can do a Cinderella thing and get home before my pumpkin time.  However, if it starts happening at other times, I could be caught out somewhere away from my wheelchair and be stranded.  I really hope we find a solution to this new problem soon!  I am amazed what a difference losing a few pounds makes in a leg that seemed like it had no fat on it in the first place.

Thought for the Day:

Do you remember the bible account of David and Goliath?  Goliath stood over nine feet tall and was the champion for the Philistine army which was arrayed against the army of Israel.  Every morning and every evening for forty days, Goliath issued a challenge the he would do battle against any champion that Israel sent out.  It was a “winner take all” kind of contest. 

1 Samuel 17: 8a-10    “Choose one man to come down here and fight me! If he kills me, then we will be your slaves. But if I kill him, you will be our slaves!  I defy the armies of Israel today! Send me a man who will fight me!”

Goliath was a seasoned warrior; Israel’s soldiers quaked in fear because they didn’t stand a chance against him.  So no one stepped forward and accepted his challenge; until David came along.  David was a teenager who tended his father’s sheep.  His father asked him to take food and provision to his older brothers who were serving in the army.  He heard the challenge and was indignant.  David wasn’t looking at how big or strong Goliath was.  He didn’t care how many years he had been a soldier, how many battles that he had fought or how many men he had killed.  David wasn’t paying attention to Goliath.  David was focused upon God.  Goliath defied and David was not about to let the challenge go unheeded.

When you think about it, from a physical standpoint it was a stupid move by David.  Goliath was a full grown man who was battle hardened.  David was a teenager who tended sheep.  Goliath had probably killed scores of men; David had never taken a human life.  But even as a shepherd, David had grown close to the Lord and had overcome danger before with God’s help.  David had killed bear and lion when they attempted to steal his sheep.  David knew that true strength did not lie in a sword or shield or spear.   True might came from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

So David became the unlikely champion of the people of Israel.  A young man, inexperienced in the ways of war but closely connected and heavily relying upon the Lord God Almighty.  Goliath ridiculed David as he approached; and David joined the battle in a very unconventional manner—with a sling and five stones.  David’s first shot dropped Goliath in his tracks and David used Goliath’s own sword to finish the job.  David’s act allowed Israel to win the battle against their enemy.

When I think about all those on the sidelines watching, I cannot help but think of King Saul.  He was described as a mighty man of valor.  He wasn’t as big as Goliath, but he was a head taller than his men.  He should have been Israel’s champion; but he stayed in the camp and watched a boy easily destroy his challenger.  Of all the people who could have come forth to battle Goliath, physically David was the most unlikely candidate.

And yet the unequal contest was very fitting.  For David declared that he fought Goliath in the Lord’s power and that the battle belonged to the Lord.   There was no way that David in his abilities could have bested the giant; therefore it would be apparent to everyone that God had indeed entered the battle that day and given the victory.

1 Samuel 17:45-46      “David replied to the Philistine, ‘You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of Heaven's Armies -- the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.  Today the LORD will conquer you, and I will kill you and cut off your head. And then I will give the dead bodies of your men to the birds and wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel!’”

Taking a devotional application from this passage, I have to ask:

What are the Giants that You Face in Your Life?

What looks too large for you to handle?  What obstacles are blocking your path?  What is causing you to shiver in your boots in fear?  What has you admitting defeat before you even have tried to battle?

Take a moment and stop looking at your Giant and turn your focus and look upon your God.  In comparison to God, nothing that you face amounts to anything.  If God is willing, there is nothing that He cannot remove or destroy.  Nothing is too big for Him to handle.

So quit looking at your giant and look to your God! 

Turn your fears and the giants in your life over to Him.  They may be too big for you to handle on your own—but nothing is too large if God is with you.  Whatever you face, God will see you through. 

Luke 18:27   “Jesus replied, ‘What is impossible for people is possible with God.’”

Thursday (5/29/2014)

Update:

I was kept busy on the phone with people most of the day on Wednesday. About 3 p.m. I got a break and went outside to plant the flowers I purchased on Tuesday.  They turned out really well.  Once they grow they will fill the containers and overflow (cascading petunias).  I was able to walk out to the shed and get the wagon and then pull it through the grass to take the potting soil and flowers to the containers.  I ended up pulling the wagon to the backyard and dug some dirt to mix with the potting soil.  By the time I got that done and with getting up and down to plant the flowers, I was tired.

My son, Jon, came over and helped me get my yard waste out to the village burn site.  Some of the stuff was left from last fall.  Being ill and then recovering, I never knew what was out back behind the shed until about a week ago.  I tried to help him lift a heavy garbage can off of the trailer, but it was too much weight on my prosthesis, so I couldn’t do it.  I’m learning my current limits.

After dinner, I decided to walk my street.  I only got about 30 yards when my leg started hurting again (like last weekend).  I made some adjustments and then boldly started out again.  I got to my neighbor’s house at the end of my street and every step became painful.  I sat down on their retaining wall looking down the street at my house wondering if I could stand the pain and limp home.  Fortunate Dick and Michelle came out for a walk.  He drove me down to my house and then went in and got the wheelchair for me and then got me inside.  That was a timely rescue!

Unbelievable!  I just had my liner adjusted and everything was fine for about 28 hours.  I know that this is happening because I am losing weight and my stump is changing size because of it.  So overall this is a good thing; but it is a bit discouraging.  I was hoping my adjustment would last a week at least.  I would guess that when I wake up on Thursday morning, my leg will have increased in size enough that I will be able to walk for a while before the pain hits again.  I’ve got a request in for an appointment with my prosthetist so we can some adjustments and get me walking comfortably again.  This is just going to keep happening until I lose all my weight or until my stump cannot shrink any more.  This really puts a damper on planning anything at this point.

I’m glad I found the quote from Scott Hamilton and posted it before I went for my walk.  “The only handicap is a bad attitude.”  Right now my knee is hurting and I’m a bit discouraged; but I am going to go do about 45 minutes of exercises and then feed my mind by doing some reading and then head for bed. 

By Thursday morning, my attitude will no longer be a handicap for me!

Thought for the Day: 

Life isn’t fair!

“Ironically, recognizing this sobering fact can be a very liberating insight.  One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life SHOULD be fair, or that someday it will be.  It’s not and it won’t.  When we make this mistake we tend to spend a lot of time wallowing and/or complaining about what’s wrong with life. “

“One of the NICE things about surrendering to the fact that life isn’t fair is that it keeps us from feeling sorry for ourselves by encouraging us to do the very best we can with what we have.  Surrendering to this fact also keeps us from feeling sorry for others because we are reminded that everyone is dealt a different hand, and everyone has unique strengths and challenges.” 

“When we don’t recognize or admit that life isn’t fair, we tend to feel pity for others and for ourselves.   Pity, of course, is a self-defeating emotion that does nothing for anyone, except to make everyone feel worse than they already do.  When we do recognize that life isn’t fair, however, we feel COMPASSION for others and for ourselves.  And compassion is a heartfelt emotion that delivers loving-kindness to everyone it touches.”   [Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff].

So get your mind wrapped around the fact that life isn’t fair.  Bad people sometimes enjoy a very pleasant life and good people face incredible hardships.  If life was fair, it would be just the opposite.  As some have put it, if life was fair, schools would be fully funded and prisons would have to hold bake sales to meet their budget.  Nice guys would finish first and no good deed would go unrewarded.  But life isn’t like that is it?

I’ve even heard people say that they want God to treat them fairly.  Oh, no we don’t.  God created the world and everything in it (including us).  He sat the standard for His acceptance of us at a very high level—perfection.  Fairness says that if you didn’t reach the required standard, you fail.  Since none of us can reach the perfection standard, every person on earth would fail.  I don’t want God to treat me fairly.  I want God to treat me graciously.  I want to receive mercy not fairness. 

Even in our personal relationships, when we mess up we don’t want to be treated fairly.  We want those we have offended to respond in graciousness and grant us forgiveness.  We want to be treated compassionately and with understanding. 

Fairness would mean that every single time you speed, you receive a ticket.  Instead of being treated fairly, I think that what we really want is to be treated in the same fashion as everyone else; but even that doesn’t always happen. 

As a society we have decided that handicapped people get an unfair parking advantage.  The rest of the population has to walk a greater distance to the store.  Handicapped people get to park right near the entrance.  Sometimes we don’t really even know (or agree upon) what is fair.  There are several conflicting perspectives on welfare and taxes that people in our society hold.  How do we know for certain that our perspective is correct? What is truly fair? 

The bottom line is that we don’t have to worry about that much about ‘what is fair’ because life rarely is; and if we focus on whether or not it was fair, we are focused upon the wrong thing.  We will be wasting our time and energy on something that we have no power to change.  Instead, we should accept that often life isn’t fair; and then act upon whatever comes our way, making the best of the situation.  Instead of whining that ‘life isn’t fair’ we need to admit ‘it is what it is’ and move on.

Wednesday (5/28/2014)

Update:

Thankfully I was able to get an appointment with my prosthetist, Leah, on Tuesday afternoon and she made the necessary adjustments so that I am comfortable walking once again.  As long as I am losing weight, I will most likely need regular adjustments made to my prosthesis.  It is rather amazing how quickly a few pounds lost effects the size of my stump and thus the fit of my prosthesis; I wish it would reduce the size of my gut as quickly and efficiently!

I am midway through my second week on my diet.  About a week ago my need for insulin plummeted.  For the last five days, I’ve not had to take any insulin at all and my glucose readings stay in the 90’s.  I have been eating a healthy diet for some time now; but just recently drastically reduced the amount of food I am eating and even cutting out healthy snacks between meals; that has made a dramatic difference.  The first week of the diet I felt hungry much of the time.  Now I don’t have those kinds of hunger pains—it is more mental.  I want something to snack on.  I want to eat for the sake of eating.  My stomach has been shrinking because now just a small amount of food satisfies me and I am training myself to immediately stop eating when I feel full.  I can keep doing this—it’s all a mental battle for me.  I am choosing to restrict my food intake and its working.  I must admit that it has taken me years to get to this point both mentally and physically.  Over the last year I’ve made major dietary changes through a series of stages; so it is not like I suddenly decided to stop eating cold turkey (actually that sounds pretty yummy right now); it has been a long time coming.  I’ve got about 50 pounds to lose, so I’ll be traveling this road for some time.   But I am making progress.

After my appointment, my daughter, Kate, went with me to Chippewa Valley Growers (a local nursery) to pick out some flowers to plant at my house.  I have a couple of large pots that I am not using and decided that flowers would be pretty outside the front door.  I know my wife will appreciate them.  At the nursery, the floor is covered with that black cloth weed barrier.  At first glance, the floor looks nice and even.  Trying to walk on it with my prosthesis, I found out that it is not. 

It actually gave me a good workout walking through the greenhouses (of course the flowers that I wanted where in the last one).  With the floor all black, I couldn’t get a lot of visually clues, so it was good practice stepping out in faith and using my focused attention to continue to walk well.  Since my ankle only bends with pressure and I don’t get the resistance and feedback of a normal foot; I have to tense my leg muscles and make them rigid for each step I take with my left leg.  That allows my weight to cause the ankle to flex.   If I don’t concentrate and do that, my knee is pushed way out of line as the ankle stays straight. I naturally stumble with the momentum of my knee headed downhill if I don’t concentrate of what I am doing.  I would guess that eventually I will be able to walk on uneven terrain without thinking about it.  But right now it takes a lot of energy and focused attention to walk on that kind of terrain.  I used to have to concentrate like that walking on a hard surface, but now I do it without much thought.  Stairs and ramps still take a bit more mental energy for me to traverse; but I’m getting there. Practice; practice; practice.

I have two identical silicone liners so that I can alternate their use.  While I am wearing the one, the other has a full 24 hours to air and dry out.  The problem has been in the morning I can’t remember which one I wore the night before.  Today I had the idea of placing a key tag on the liner that I am supposed to wear next.  Hopefully that will end my morning confusion.

Thought for the Day:

“Remember, it’s the finish, not the start, that counts the most in life” [John Maxwell, Sometimes You Win…Sometimes You Learn].

That phrase really got me to stop and think.  It is how you finish that counts the most in life.  It is not how you began.  It is not how you did in the middle of your race.  It is how you crossed the finish line that counts the most.

Many of us didn’t have the best starts in life.  Circumstances, health, family issues, all conspired against us so that we may have started out a little behind the eight ball.  An example for me is grade school.  About the third grade I hit a rough patch.  Until that point, school was fun and enjoyable but then they had to go and introduce the times table (1 x 1 = 1; 2 x 1 = 2, etc.).  Not only did they want me to understand the table—they wanted me to memorize it!  That began my downward spiral which made me despise going to school.  I got behind and then struggled to keep up with the class and my grades suffered.  It wasn’t until about the eighth grade that I finally climbed back up on top and began to like school again.  Freshman year algebra almost did me in, but through hard work and many hours of toil I managed to raise my grade from an F to a B by the end of the year.  Since then I’ve managed to earn a Bachelor and Master degree and complete some coursework at the Doctorate level.

When I think about the family dynamic that many people were raised under, I am amazed how great they have turned out as adults.   Then again, “Remember, it’s the finish, not the start, that counts the most in life.”  By the choices that people have made, along with hard work, determination, and faith—many have turned their lives around and established themselves as good, hardworking, dependable folks. 

Some people had the luxury of growing up in a solid, bible-believing, church-going family.  From a young age they were taught about godly character and living a pleasing lifestyle before God.  Others come from totally heathen backgrounds never hearing the name of God mentioned unless it was involved in swearing.  No matter where we start from—all that is is a beginning, not our final destination.  Who we were in the past does not equal who we presently are or even who we will become.

“Remember, it’s the finish, not the start, that counts the most in life.”

That phrase also reminds me that no one can rest on their laurels.  When it comes to judging a life, we don’t just look at the last day;  we don’t just look at the major accomplishments decades in the past--we look long term and what they have done recently.  It is not just whether that person has led a good life or accomplished something some time in their lives; it is whether they are continuing to live in that manner.  Are they still accomplishing good?  You cannot look back 15 or 20 years and say, “Well, I used to…”.  There needs to be a consistency that flows from now until the finish line.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27    “Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!  All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.  So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.” (NLT)

I am encouraged by that phrase because no matter where I am at this point and time, I can choose live my life from this point forward in a prize-winning fashion.  It is never too late to start.  Whether that is being a better spouse, a better parent, a better child, a better friend, a better employee, a better person, or a better Christian.  Start training now so that you run the race with endurance and finish strong.

Tuesday (5/27/2014)

Update:

What a lovely weekend!  I enjoyed it so much.  I’ve always like springtime but this year it is especially precious to me.  After nearly losing my life on Thanksgiving Day 2013, each new day and each new experience has been a gift to me that I truly appreciate. (PHOTO: Taking my first walk after amputation—December 2013). Being able to get up, get around, get out and enjoy each day is just such a blessing.  There are some days that I’ve enjoyed more than others; however even my “bad” days are pretty sweet when I compare them to the alternative!  

I enjoyed having my daughter, Ruth, and her husband, Cody, home from Chicago for the weekend.  Saturday was spent with the family one way or another.  Jon helped me get the Touring model (2 seat) ATV out of storage and ready to sell—that got finalized on Sunday afternoon.  I am still amazed at the circumstances of finding the buyer.  That was a cool reminder to me of God at work behind the scenes to make things happen.  I had just decided that I should sell the ATV when I spent a few minutes chatting with a friend who made a chance comment about looking for a very specific ATV; and it was an EXACT description of my ATV!  No ads.  No phone calls.  No selling.  Just sold.  Wow! 

We had a lovely family dinner on Saturday night where we got to spend time enjoying one another’s company.  The Memorial Day service on Monday was beautiful.  Best weather we’ve had in years.  And for the first time anyone can remember, a train came through during the middle of the parade.  Half of the parade made it across before the train came.  The remaining half had a few minutes waiting for the train to go through before crossing the tracks and finishing the route.  We were just glad that it wasn’t one of those trains that stops and blocks the crossing and then slowly backs up.    “To those who courageously gave their lives…and those who bravely fight today…Thank you!”

The only difficulty that I faced this weekend was a side effect of a very positive thing.  With my current diet (ahem…lifestyle change) I’m losing weight.  Yeah!  That also means that my residual limb has shrunk and my prosthesis doesn’t fit correctly.  On Saturday afternoon, I started getting terrible pain when I walked.  Getting off the leg stopped the pain.  Sunday morning about halfway through church the pain returned.  On Monday I put my prosthetic leg on for the memorial service (only walked about 30 steps) and then came home and got in the wheelchair for the rest of the day.  On Tuesday, I’ll try to get an appointment to get my prosthesis adjusted so I can walk again.  I am certain that since my leg shrunk, I am sinking lower into the prosthesis and it is not supporting my weight correctly.  It was a bit of a bummer not being able to get out and walk this weekend; but it is what it is.  Each day an adventure!

On Monday, my wife and I spent the day together.  After the memorial service, we went in to see a movie and then brought some food home to enjoy.  It was a pleasant, restful day made better by being together.

Thought for the Day:  

Earlier last week, I got a quick start on my Sunday message and then as Sunday drew near I got “writer’s block.”  I spent hours staring at the computer and could not for the life of me get more than a word or two added to my message.  After spending three very unproductive hours early on Saturday morning, I decided to give it up to God and just go have fun with the family.  I HATE going into Sunday unprepared and not having every word planned out; but this was one of those weeks where it would not come.  So I was left to pray that God would rescue me and He would all work out.  It was the proverbial “Hail Mary” pass.   

I had decided to begin a sermon series on the book of James.  So Sunday’s text was James 1:1-4.

James 1:2-4   Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

This definitely is a topic that I and a number of other people in my church have some first-hand experience in after this past year.  My illness and amputation; my friend losing the use of his legs and learning to live with extreme pain; one woman who spent over 90 days in the hospital or in a nursing home; another woman who in a quick series of events spent about 60 days hospitalized, along with multiple people who experienced the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, injury or illness, etc. 

Here are a few excerpts from the message that ended up turning out very well (Thank You, Jesus!).

“Whenever you face trials” that’s not “if”; it’s “when.”  We should expect trials and difficulties; not be shocked or surprised at their appearance.  They come at unexpected times but we know they are coming. 

“Any trial can constitute a test of our faith, namely, a temptation to cease trusting and obeying God.” [Thomas Constable].

"Testing" implies demonstrating the true quality of something when it undergoes a trial.  Just as refining fires bring out the true quality of gold; so our trials help reveal our true character.

“Our values determine our evaluations.  If we value comfort more than character, then trials will upset us.  If we value the material and physical more than the spiritual, we will not be able to ‘count it all joy.’  If we live only for the present and forget the future, then trials will make us bitter, not better.”   [Warren Wiersbe].

Trials are designed to stimulate growth and develop our faith.  If we understand that God’s purpose in allowing trials to touch our lives is for us to grow and mature in our faith, then they are easier to accept and even appreciate what they are accomplishing. 

When you join the football team, it isn’t just about Friday night lights, dating cheerleaders, wearing a uniform and earning a letter so you can wear a cool jacket.  There are practices.  Lots of sweat and energy is expended night after night as the coach drills the team.  Imagine the attitude of the players if they don’t understand what the practice is supposed to accomplish.  They are going to have bad attitudes, grumble and complain.  But if they understand what the benefits are (better players—better team), they enter into the practices with a better attitude and put more of their heart and soul into them.  There might be moans and groans as coach introduces the next exercise or tells them to run another lap, but if you remember it will make you a better ball player--you dig deep and put a little more effort into it.    So it is with the trials we face.  It is not about God punishing us for wrongdoings.  He is trying to bring out the best in us.  Refine our skills.  Toughen us up for the game of life.   

Trials then enable us to progress in our Christian faith, strengthening it, refining it, developing it, allowing us to stand up under further trials more capably.  This progression is our maturing in the faith.  Consequently we should not try to escape from trials but submit to the maturing process with patient endurance and joy.

That is why I am taking each day one step at a time.  I’m trying not to let anything get me down, since ultimately no matter what life dishes out—God can use it to make me a better, stronger person.  I’m not asking for trouble and I wouldn’t recommend that you pray for difficulties to come your way (life will bring enough of them your direction anyway); but when they come, understand what they can accomplish in your life and “count it all joy.”

Romans 5:3-4   ^“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  

Friday (5/23/2014)

Update:

Since my weigh-in last week, I’ve lost over 6½ pounds.  Wow!  I am so grateful!  I was really concerned that after all the effort that I’ve made in the last week that I would not show any change; that would have been a terrible disappointment.  Getting the news about my weight loss has renewed my determination to continue what I’ve been doing.  I like getting these kinds of results!  As my body adjusts to my smaller portion size, I’ll probably won’t lose that much again; but I’m glad how encouraging my start has proven to be. 

I was informed by the doctor that I’ve been given permission to walk my block on a daily basis.  Yeah!  So as a means of celebrating the good news, guess what I did!  I went for a walk on my block on Thursday evening.  It felt good to get the heart rate up and get the body moving a bit.  I look forward to walking regularly again.

One of the things I have been pondering was whether I should sell one of my ATVs.  With the kids out of the house and after my amputation, I just don’t have the desire to go riding like I used to do.  I also don’t have the time that I used to have to devote to riding.  So I was thinking of selling the touring model (seating for two people).  I hadn’t quite decided mainly because I hate to advertise and sell things.  That has always been a dislike of mine.  On Thursday, I was out to eat with a friend.  While waiting for food I asked my friend what he has been up to.  He told me that he has been looking to buy a used ATV.  We discussed about looking for one on Craig’s List, etc. Then he told me that he was looking for a very specific one--a used Polaris 500 Touring ATV and he wanted it green in color.  I was dumbstruck because that is EXACTLY the ATV that I was thinking about selling.  Wow!  So now I need to give him a price and see if we can come to an agreement.

I am not certain why, but all Friday afternoon my nerves were sending messages of a very specific phantom pain.  Although my left foot is long gone; I kept getting messages telling me that I had injured the outside of my left foot and it was badly bruised.  It seemed like when I added more ply of socks the pain diminished.  By the evening, I ended up with 6-ply of socks and had I been planning to walk more on it I would have gone up to 7-ply. 

Friday morning I slept in and forgot about an Elder’s meeting, so I rushed out of the house to get there late and then spent the rest of the day at church working.  So here it is Friday evening and I am just posting my Update/Thought.  Ruth and Cody are coming in from Chicago tonight and I’ll spend the day with Ruth on Saturday.  So, with Sunday coming and then Memorial Day on Monday, I don’t plan to post again until next Tuesday.

One thing that I really appreciate the small town where I live is that they hold a Memorial Day parade through town and that ends at the cemetery where we hold a Memorial Service.  It is a big deal in town.  As the parade goes by, all the townspeople who watched it, join behind the parade and walk to the cemetery for the service.  The High School band plays, we have a speaker and someone sings a patriotic song or two, we have a prayer and then everyone heads home to enjoy the rest of the day.  This year, I am giving the prayer.  My oldest daughter is accompanying the singer (who is from my church) and my wife, Karen, is reading the narration for the song.  Our church supplies the sound equipment and the technicians to run it.  However you can, please take time out and pause to offer a prayer of thanks for those who have given their lives for our country.  Pray for the families that they leave behind.  Pray for the protection and blessing of all those who are currently serving in our Armed Forces. 

Thought for the Day:

Did you get a chance to get outside today?  Here in west-central Wisconsin, it was gorgeous.  Beautiful sunshine, warm temperatures (but not too hot), the birds singing, the leaves have just come onto the trees, and the mosquitoes have yet to appear.  It couldn’t have been much more perfect.  At this time of year even hearing lawn mowers is a blessing (compared to the sound of snow blowers all winter).  I was out in the country at a friend’s house for a meeting this morning.  Just after noon, I stood on the deck and listened to the birds for a few minutes before getting on my motorcycle and riding home.  This evening when I took my walk up and down my block, I smelled the sweet perfume of a lilac bush in full flower.  Springtime!  How refreshing!  Just being outside and taking a moment to pause and take in the sights and smells is so rejuvenating.  This is the time of year when I envy everyone who has an outdoor job or who gets paid to be outside, even if it is just going for a drive with the windows down.

It is a balm to my soul.  I cannot explain it better than that.  That is the way I’m wired and being outdoors recharges my emotional batteries.  I love to read; but on days like this, I’d rather be outside enjoying the weather. 

What about you?  Do you have something that recharges your batteries and restores your soul?  I guess a better way to word the question is to ask, “Have you discovered how to recharge your batteries and restore your soul yet?”  Just like there are different shaped plugs for different kinds of electronics to charge them; so it is with us—different people have different ways.  Some are better for us than us—but there is probably a multitude of ways to accomplish it.

Sleep and relaxation will recharge your physical batteries; but we also have to recharge our mental and spiritual batteries as well.  We need ways to offload stress and build up some emotional reserves.  If someone comes into work all grouchy and angry, we might say that “they woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”  People can get a good night’s sleep and still be like that.  I think what happened is that they came back to work the next morning carrying the same burdens that they took home with them the night before.  We all need a way to chillax even if it is for a only a few minutes each day.  We need to cleanse our minds and souls of the stress and trouble that we encountered that day.   If we don’t that stress just continues to build up and eventually we’ll crack under the pressure.

So let some steam off this weekend. Hopefully you’ll do it in a healthy manner and you’ll go back to work on Monday with your heart right and your head on straight.   Find what works for you and get it done.  Your family, friends, workmates (and even you yourself) will thank you for it.

Maybe this wasn’t the most profound thing that I’ve written about; but it is where I am at today.  Hope that it gave you some food for thought to chew on! 

Thursday (5/22/2014)

Update:

Joshua came over on Wednesday afternoon and we made three videos:

1.       The first one is a detailed explanation of all the pieces and parts of my prosthesis and how to put it on.  This video is about 9½ minutes long.  It can be found at http://youtu.be/ZxUPSF1UKdc    I’ve shown people my prosthesis and how it locks onto my leg, but in this video I start with bare skin and show how all the pieces work together in my prosthesis.

2.       The second video demonstrates me putting on a pair of pants.  It is just under 5 minutes long.  It can be found at http://youtu.be/lEAggfLD66c   Getting dressed in the morning can be challenging because everything has to go on in a certain order.  First putting the silicone liner on, then the pants, then the socks, foam liner, and socket. 

3.    The third video shows me getting on my motorcycle and going for a ride.  This video is 6 minutes long.  The video can be found at  http://youtu.be/fObsxH9QfSo    This video shows me getting on and off of the motorcycle while I talk about some of the changes that I had to make in order to ride my cycle. 

Just before Joshua left today, I got my bicycle out to see if I could ride it with my prosthesis.  I was nervous that I would crash and really hurt myself; but I did okay in that department.  However, I found that I cannot get my left leg high enough to keep it on the pedal at the top of the stroke.  That is very disappointing.  I was hoping to be able to ride my bike to help burn calories; I thought that would be a great alternative to walking.  Doesn’t look like that is going to happen!  Bummer! 

I spent Wednesday evening after dinner, working on the videos, read a book for a while, and then took a shower before bed.

I told you before that I am attempting to lose weight.  One of things I’ve done to help with that is to cut my food intake by over half.  In between meals if I get hungry, I take a tablespoon of Psyllium (fiber) with water and that satisfies that empty feeling quite well.  I am working hard to only eat until I am full (not stuffed). The result of that is I am now taking less than 10 units of insulin per day (5-short, 5-long).  Most of my glucose levels prior to meals have been around 95-110.  It is very possible within a short period of time that I will no longer need to take insulin at all.   That would be wonderful!  I’ve really made a lifestyle change and am feeling better for it.  Too bad that it has taken me this long to decide to do it.

Thought for the Day:   

I’ve included Os Hillman’s daily devotional in its entirety today.  I couldn’t have said it better:

.

.."Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it." - Genesis 28:16

“Jacob was forced to flee his family after receiving the blessing of God from his father, Isaac. He ran as a result of his broken relationship with his brother, Esau, who threatened to kill him. He was alone after leaving his family and was sleeping in the wilderness area at Bethel. It is here that Jacob encountered God personally for the very first time. He had a dream in which Heaven was opened up to him. The Lord spoke to him there and gave him a promise to give him the very land on which he was lying.”

“This encounter with God made him realize that God was in this place, even though he had not been aware of it. God had to remove Jacob from all that was of comfort to him in order to reveal Himself to Jacob. What began as a crisis that forced him to be removed from his family and friends led to an encounter with the living God and a fresh vision of God's purposes for his life.”

“How often we go about our daily routine and fail to recognize that God is in the place where we are. God had to bring Jacob to a place of separation from his old life and remove all his worldly possessions. He was alone with God at Bethel; nothing else could distract him from an encounter that would change his life.”

“God often must do radical things in the life of the servant in whom He has special plans: separation from family, removal of physical and emotional resources, an encounter with God. These are often the hallmarks of ownership by God that build a vision into a life.”     [Os Hillman, Today God is First (TGIF), on-line devotional, 5/22/2014].

For many people, God has to knock out all of the props that hold us up before we begin to look around for Him.  I don’t know, maybe we are just too comfortable and content to notice Him before.  It is in those moments of desperation that we sense His presence.  Depending upon what we lean upon for security—God has to temporarily set it aside or permanently remove it to grab our attention.  It may be the security of our finances, or our leisure activities; it might be our health, our children, or our spouse (or significant other).  Sometimes it might be our job or our own self-sufficiency that gets in the way of us seeing that God is right there next to us.  He was probably there all of the time; we just didn’t sense Him standing nearby. 

At times it seems harsh and perhaps even cruel.  In our anguish and grief, we cry out to Him.  In desperation, we seek Him.  Having cleared away the things that cluttered our life and those things which have adverted our attention, we are suddenly attentively focused upon God.  When you have nothing else to stand upon; leaning upon God looks more attractive.

It is in these difficult times that we achieve clarity of vision.  We finally see what is really important.  Until they are gone, we might have felt like our life would be over without our toys.  “Life wouldn’t be worth living, if I had to give up                                      .”  We might believe that is true until we go without.  Our perspective changes over time; hopefully we come to realize what is really of importance and what is just nice to have, if available.

One of those “I gotta have this” items in our lives is a relationship with God. We may not realize that it is until we are about to die; but then suddenly we want to “get right with God” so we are prepared for the next life.  God knows how important it is to us to have relationship with Him; so at all costs He seeks to make us aware of Him before it is too late.

He also uses these kinds of events to draw us closer to Him.  There is nothing like having a sprained ankle to cause you to find out where those crutches that you have were stored in the basement and to keep them close at hand.  Pain in our life helps us to keep God close because of our need.

So if your life is dark and gloomy, look around for the light!  God is going to use the bad things that happen to help you become more aware of the true nature of your need and that He is the solution to everything that you face.

Isaiah 55:6   “Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near;” (ESV)

Psalm 34:8    “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (ESV)

Wednesday (5/21/2014)

Update:

My appointment with my prosthetist, Leah, was very productive on Tuesday.  The needle-like pain and itching that I was having came from a pinched nerve—the peroneal nerve as it passes over the head of the fibula bone.  Leah reduced the padding in the foam liner in that area and actually ground away some of the socket (prosthetic leg) in that area to reduce pressure in the nerve.  Aahhh! That really helped, my prosthesis is comfortable again.  With my leg muscles continuing to atrophy, the head of the fibula became much more pronounced and was easier to press the nerve against it. 

More padding was added to the base of my foam liner to better secure my leg.  I’ve also been getting a red patch across one side of my leg that we never have figured out what was causing it.  Leah finally concluded that it must from skin tension from my silicone liner.  Some people’s skin is prone to getting stretched and irritated as they wear the silicone liner.  Although my sensitivity only showed up in one small area, Leah gave me a “liner-liner” to wear and that seems to have solved that long standing problem.  The liner-liner is a special sock to wear against my skin.  The silicone liner rolls on over the top of that, then I put on various layers of socks to keep my leg tight in the socket, then I slip on the foam liner, and finally put my leg inside of the socket.  The only bad thing about the liner-liner is it is one more thing that I have to wash each night before bed.  I did laugh when I saw the name printed on the packaged it came it.  I have way too many different types of liners if one has to be called “liner-liner.”  Ha!

The only unsolved problem that I still have is a slight clicking noise in my prosthesis when I walk.   The pin that secures my liner in the prosthesis won’t seat completely in the lock.  It slides back and forth between two positions producing the clicking noise.  I am in no danger of my leg coming loose—just in danger of going insane from the noise as I walk.  There are only a couple more tweaks that can be tried to eradicate the noise.  Leah said that about one of her patients every two years has a noise problem; and I am the lucky one from her current patients.  Yeah Me!!!  She said that when my next socket is built (in about one year), we’ll use a different locking mechanism (ratchet) which won’t allow that noise.  I asked why not use that ratchet system in all the prosthetic legs—the answer was that they are more complicated to ‘’unlock” and they don’t want new users of prosthetic legs to have to learn how to do that in addition to everything they have to adjust too.  Besides most people have no problem with the simpler pin and lock system. 

So I might be unable to sneak up on anyone for the next year.    Actually, yesterday for about five minutes my prosthesis quit making noise while I walked and it was very unnerving not having the auditory feedback.  Pretty strange how quickly I’ve grown accustomed to the noise that if feels wrong when there is silence.

After my appointment with Leah, I forced myself to go to my office and work all afternoon.  It was such a beautiful day that I wanted to go ride my motorcycle very badly instead.  I fought the urge and stayed productive all afternoon.  I got a lot done despite the occasional longing look out the window.

Thought for the Day:

Do you have an Eeyore in your life?  In the group of Winnie the Pooh’s friends, Eeyore was the one with the negative outlook.  “It’s going to be a perfectly rotten day!”  Always down.  Always negative.  He never saw the bright side or the potential possibilities in any situation.  Eeyore only saw the cloud in every silver lining.  I remember wondering, “Why is Eeyore like that?  What happened in his life to always have such a negative viewpoint?”  

I don’t really know of anyone who is exactly like Eeyore; but I do know some people who are pretty close!  I also know some folks who are always mad, always frustrated, or always upset about something.  They may have a moment or two of happiness and contentment but their default setting is on “grumble and complain.”

The Eeyores of life are very draining people to be around.  They can suck the happy right out of you if you let them.  I can only stand so much “Eeyore time” before I have to go recharge my emotional batteries.  I don’t know how their family and friends can take being around them constantly. 

Here is the really sad part.  Each one of us chooses the attitude that we assume.  Yes, some people are predisposed towards a negative, critical outlook on life; but none of us are forced to make that our base personality.  We can choose what kind of attitude we have.

It takes work and a mental decision to choose an attitude different than what we are feeling; but if we want to do it, we can.

I just think of how many things are so much better with a positive, sunny outlook.  No, the reality of my world hasn’t changed; but my mental outlook determines how I will see and respond to the events and people around me.  If I assume that the world hates me and everyone is out to get me; guess what I tend to find.  I can find all sorts of evidence to support my supposition.   

I’ve even seen this true in marriage.  If I get into a mood and think that my wife no longer loves me, I can find tons of evidence to support my concern.  I can begin to believe my own propaganda and my feelings sour towards her as well.  Then I can easily pick out her imperfections and start to wonder what happened to the woman I married years ago.  With a good mental slap to my face, I can snap out of my negative thinking and reboot my attitude.  If I start to look for and to seek the good in my wife and in my marriage, guess what I find. Yep!  I find plenty of evidence that is still loves me!  Is she perfect and is our marriage perfect?  NO!  There are plenty of things that I would like to see changed; but even if none of them ever do—I still have got it good.

With my physical limitations and disability it would be very easy to slip into a negative, dour mood.  But what benefit would that be for me?  And all my friends eventually would go running, seeking a place to hide so they could avoid me any time I came around.  Instead I choose to maintain a positive outlook and attitude.  I’ll be much happier and healthier in the long run.

The bible indicates that we have control over our attitude because it tells us to choose certain attitudes.

Philippians 2:5    “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus” (NASB)

I leave you with this quote about attitude that I have used for over 30 years, and it still speaks to me…

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than the facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.  It will make or break a company... a church... a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.”                                         Charles Swindoll, Strengthening Your Grip