Update/Thought:
This morning I have combined the Update and Thought into one.
I had an enjoyable weekend and accomplished a long list of chores/errands
that I had to do on Saturday. I got all
of the important ones done anyway. My
son, Jon, and a buddy came over to take some things out of my garage that I
told them they could have for their new place in Eau Claire. One thing they took was my large rolling work
table. It has a lot of storage space
underneath too. I figured all the stuff
I had stored on it would really clot up my garage; but the pile is pretty small
and removing the table really opened up my garage—so Jon gets a functional work
bench with storage and I got more room in my garage. I think it was a win-win decision.
One of the things that really developed over the weekend was pain in my
right foot. It started as a dull, ache
in my bones. By the time church was over
on Sunday morning it was a sharper pain.
It sent me to my wheelchair for the rest of the day. One of the events that started my medical
adventure six months ago is that the bones in the arch of my left foot
collapsed. One of the fears is that
since that occurred in my left foot with the end result of amputation; the
doctors have been very careful to do everything that they can from preventing
it from happening to my right foot. That
is why I have had so many restrictions on my walking so far.
I’ve had a few minor aches here and there; but nothing of this
magnitude or length. So this has me
concerned. With my orthotic, the bones
have not collapsed—I’m not at that level of pain. But my foot is under stress and responding
with pain. Today, on Monday, I already
had a doctor’s appointment scheduled with my podiatrist; so I guess the timing
is perfect because I was going to have to call to set up an appointment with
him because of this anyway.
My primary concern is to not do anything to damage the foot which would
lead to another amputation. My secondary
concern is having my walking privileges yanked and being stuck back in the
wheelchair. Perhaps Dr. Roberts will
just say, “Normal aches and pains; but no danger. Take it easy for a few days and it will be
okay.” I have a feeling that the conversation
will be much more serious and the ramifications harder to bear.
I am trying not to worry unnecessarily until I get word from the
doctor; but emotionally I’m having to fight back my fears. Ultimately I’ve already decided that whatever
is recommended I will accept and be okay with.
It might be disappointing news; but I can adjust and adapt (besides what
choice do I have?). My biggest concern
is that my ability to act as a chaplain will be compromised again by the
restrictions. So the rest of the morning
I plan on reading my bible, praying, and then reading all the rest of the books
that encourage me to stay positive and challenge me to trust in the Lord. I need to feed my soul and fill my spiritual reservoir
(leaky bucket illustration from April 24th Thought for the Day).
My mind is trying to wrap itself around the development. Last night I had one of those reoccurring,
continuing dreams. I woke up several
times and didn’t want to go back to that dream but I kept going back. I dreamt that I was in Chicago and doing some
sightseeing. It was too far to walk so I
was in a wheelchair. Somehow during the
day, I lost my foot and ankle off of my prosthetic leg. Those just don’t come loose and fall off—someone
had to take it. But I had it on the
whole time. So I was upset because I had
no idea where it had come off or how I lost it.
I knew that the medical insurance company wouldn’t give me a new foot
assembly for free. With all of our
medical expenses there was no way for me to buy a new $6,000 foot/ankle. I kept searching for the foot without
success. That’s the dream that I kept
going back to all night. In the last
episode just before waking up for the day, the place where I was staying was
throwing a big surprise party for me.
They weren’t good at throwing a surprise party because I could see tons
of people gathering and lots of food being prepared. I woke up before the surprise was revealed—so
maybe I got my leg back in the end.
Goofy dreams!
As my wife and I have been talking, we noted that I haven’t done
anything stupid or that violated any of my current restrictions. So as far as I know, nothing out of the
ordinary caused this. The only thing we
can think of that happened during this time was that they wanted me to switch
my cane from my right to my left hand.
Left hand use should support the right foot more, but who knows?
Any way I appreciate your prayers for the doctor’s wisdom and for my
peace with whatever transpires.
Here are a few verses that I am hanging onto this morning:
Isaiah 26:3 “You
keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in
you.” (ESV)
Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer
and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your
hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NASB)
Jeremiah 32:17 “Ah, Lord GOD! It is you who have made the
heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing
is too hard for you.” (ESV)
Deuteronomy 2:7 “For the LORD your God has
blessed you in all the work of your hand. He knows your trudging through this
great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have lacked nothing.” (NKJ)
At this point I have more questions and concerns than I have
answers. I have decided that I won’t
wallow in my anxiousness. Instead I am
going to set it aside. Worrying about
the possibilities won’t help anything and they might prove to be unfounded; so
why waste my time and energy? I’m going
to do something helpful with my time instead.
It is hard to stop thinking about something that’s got your attention;
so I am going to push it out of my mind by filling my mind with something
positive in its place. I’ve got about four hours to go before my
appointment. I am going to continue to nourish
my soul and work at filling my spiritual reservoir so that whatever transpires
later this day, I won’t run dry.
I hope that you have an
opportunity to do the same for yourself so that no matter what you face this
day that you will be victorious.
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