Thursday (1/30/2014)

Update:

After writing my update, doing exercises and taking my shower, I spent most of the day yesterday inputting my insulin usage into the computer program that tracks my blood glucose.  I could only add insulin numbers for so long, and then I would take a 30-45 minute break and do something else for a while, then go back to it.  It was a pretty quiet day except for the guys coming over three times (9a-noon-3p) to put wood in the stove down in the basement.

Along with a lot of other people in the area, I’m hoping to milk what LP I have left in the tank until the prices drop back down.  Our hot water heater and furnace runs on LP.  The furnace only kicks on if the house drops below 58 degrees, so keeping the woodstove stoked is a good thing.  It normally costs about $500 to fill our tank—I really want to avoid paying over $2,000 to do it.  Without any kids at home, we don’t burn as much hot water for showers as we used to—so I’m thinking we can make it awhile.

My mother-in-law wasn’t feeling well so Karen, my wife, spent the afternoon and evening on Wednesday with her at the urgent care and then in the emergency room having tests done.  There will be more tests run today on Thursday.  From what I have been told it is nothing immediately life threatening, but she is miserable.  So that meant a quiet night alone for me.  I made some buffalo chicken and a large salad for dinner.  Karen got home about 1 a.m. after her mother was settled and sound asleep in her hospital room.  She was back up at 4:30 a.m. for our breakfast and then to get to work by 6 a.m.  That’s not much sleep to run on during a busy day. 

Physically, I think my stump is back to normal after Sunday’s pounding it into the floor.  I never had any bruising and all the tenderness is gone.  However, I believe it will take a while for the nerve endings to settle down.  Wednesday I had more phantom feelings and slight phantom pain than ever before; nothing too intense, just non-stop for most of the day.  It is more of a weird feeling than anything else; my brain kept insisting that my ankle was sprained or that the joints in the ball of my foot were achy.  (I’m wondering if icing an imaginary ankle would help?  And would it work if I merely imagine that I am putting ice on it?)  I am guessing that this will last a day or two longer and then fade away.

I had pushed my exercises and weights pretty hard Tuesday, so I did a lighter routine on Wednesday to let everything recover before I go crazy again on Thursday.  I want to be especially careful to not overdo it with my left shoulder.  I’ve dislocated it a couple of times and have some nerve damage.  Whenever I overdo it, my left arm and hand goes numb (sometimes they would stay numb and tingly for a full day or more).  So I am slowly working the muscles and that joint trying to toughen and strengthen them without abusing them.  So far, I’ve done pretty well

My plan was to go to the church office to work again this afternoon; but after talking with Karen this morning, I think it is best if I just stay home.  Karen will be leaving her office as soon as possible to go be with her mother for the evening; I’ll be making my own dinner, etc. so I don’t want to use all of my energy going out to the office.  Also, it is a bigger hassle to get me in and out of vehicles if you have to shovel snow both times.  Karen wouldn’t be able to come get me tonight which would mean asking someone to transport me twice, so I will work from home and get things ready for the bulletin and work on my message from there. 

Thought for the Day:

Proverbs 13:12   “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Isn’t true?  We begin to lose heart and give up hope if what we are longing for remains unfilled for too long.  Those who are longing for freedom, for release, for happier times, for health; no matter what we seek, waiting can be brutal and even cause despair, depression, or even illness if our desires are deferred too long.   But when what we have long awaited finally arrives, there is joy and happiness.  One minute it seems like the world is about to end; and the next moment it feels like spring time--fresh blooming flowers and bunnies hopping in the lawn just after a shower and the sun pops out.

Most every one of us has something we are waiting for, something that we long to see fulfilled.  Whether it is me waiting for my prosthesis so I can walk, or someone who lies in a hospital bed waiting for the pain to subside, waiting is difficult.  Someone might wait years to hear a decision to be made in their court case.  Waiting to hear the test result from the doctor’s office when you fear it might be cancer can be unnerving.  In the grand scheme of things, it may not seem too important, but being in high school waiting for your acne to clear up or for someone to text you and invite you to the prom can be nerve-wracking.

At times our wait seems to go on forever and we begin to lose hope and begin to doubt that it will ever happen.  I know that I am fairly impatient.  As a society we are not patient people.  Waiting in line or waiting in a doctor’s office is very hard for most of us.  When I think that I’ve waited a long time, I remember the people of Israel who were in bondage to Egypt for 400 years.  Image crying out to God, not just for 30-40 years, but generation after generation!  That makes my moaning about thirty minutes on hold for tech support or five days for a package to arrive look like childish whining.

Humanly, I struggle with that concept—400 years!!!  Imagine crying out to God and you hear this, “Prayer Hotline: Please hold for the next available miracle.  Your estimated waiting time is 385 years.  Your prayer is important to us, so please stay on the line.”   Why does God wait so long to bring deliverance and answer those prayers?  I think of all those thousands and thousands of people who lived as slaves and never found the deliverance that they prayed for.  It is hard for me to fathom God ignoring them for that long.

“Why does God withhold deliverance at times? It is in order to bring greater glory from the situation. It isn't because He doesn't care. It is because His plan for mankind is resting in these events. It is a finely tuned plan that involves many people and situations - all operating at the same time. It can seem cruel at times…This plan is not always the kind of deliverance we might think is best. It sometimes has pain surrounding the deliverance. When a mother gives birth, that child is delivered into this world through much pain. But with that pain comes great joy on the other side. Every mother will say the pain was worth it because of the exceeding joy that child brought in the midst of the pain.”  [Os Hillman in his daily email devotional Prime Time for God for 1/30/2014, www.churchgrowth.org]

I’ve mentioned several times that the purpose of life is not our personal happiness (although that isn’t life’s main purpose, I am glad that there is a good measure of happiness thrown into the mix anyway).  I remember as a kid thinking about praying for rain or for sunshine.  I wondered how that worked because even then I understood that farmers might be praying for rain while I wanted sunshine so I could play outside.  It would be a giant meteorological mess if God answered everyone’s prayer for the weather at once.  

How does God decide?  He decides according to His plan for the grand scheme of things.  Sometimes things will get worse before they get better and people will suffer.  I trust that God does not allow more suffering than is needed for His plan—but I am reminded that He isn’t a genie that we control who must grant our wishes.  If you believe God exists to answer every one of your prayers, you will be very disappointed and quickly renounce belief in God.  Despite what some people will call evidence that God does not exist, I believe that He is alive and active in the world around us to a greater degree than we can imagine.  I admit that He does not think and act like I would like Him to at times.  But I also understand that I do not see the big picture. And I admit that I often don’t care about the big picture—what I care about is me and my little world.  I don’t pretend to comprehend what God is doing at times by what He allows.  But I do trust Him and am confident of His love for us.  Parents often do things that their children cannot comprehend why they do it.  I’ve questioned my parents (maybe not out loud—but in my mind) many times but I never doubted their love and desire to do what was best for me.

So…Heavenly Father, I wish you would answer my prayers more quickly.  I wish that you would do it the way I want it done when I want it done…  NO!  Wait a minute!  I remember times when I messed everything up because I thought I knew best.  I want to change my prayer to this: God, I would rather trust you to answer prayers as You believe is best.  Grant me the patience to wait, and the trust to continue to believe and hope in you.  AMEN.