Update:
All my staples have been removed from my amputation site. The surgeon was pleased with how my leg has
healed. Some things have been relaxed,
but I am still wheelchair bound for at least the next month. The last thirty days of sitting has been hard
and now I am entering my second month. I want to get up and move around so
badly! I’ve got to wrap my head around
that it will be at least 30 more days and make a mental commitment to it. It will be important that I am diligent with
my exercises which are designed to strengthen my muscles and more importantly
to maintain flexibility in my joints. Right
now I am fighting a mental battle more than a physical one. I would guess that it is something like an
athlete who blew an important play and now needs to get his head back on
straight so that he can play at peak proficiency for the rest of the game.
I can leave the brace off more during the day, but I have to sleep with
the brace on to protect my stump and to prevent my leg from tightening up as
it’s bent. I can start sleeping on my
side if I can get comfortable with my leg brace on. It will be good to be off of my back once I
figure out how to get comfortable on my side with the brace. I found that it is not merely sticking a
pillow between my leg but also a matter of weight and balance. My natural leg bends as I lay on my
side. My residual limb is straight as a
board (or straighter than a board if you buy at Menards J). So it is not as easy as it would seem. I look forward to exploring the options.
I’ve got a number of upcoming doctor appointments (general
practitioner, podiatrist, physical-medical rehab, surgeon, etc.) in the weeks
ahead. I won’t start preparing my stump
for the prosthesis until after Feb 10th. Although I feel like a racehorse itching to
run, my surgeon is holding me back to ensure that I am completely healed and
ready to put the stress and strain on the amputation site. He doesn’t want to risk breaking open my
stump and set me back with another surgery and additional healing time. So in my head I know it is the best course of
action, but in my heart I desperately want to surge forward. Oh, here is that word again: Patience.
I obviously need to spend some time reading the bible, praying, reading
my inspirational/devotional books and get my head and heart refocused and
prepared for the battle that I face. I
will say that overall, I have been at peace and have not struggled too
much. But I do have to constantly watch
my mental attitude and make necessary adjustments. Most days, it is just minor adjustments—more like
fine tuning or preventative maintenance.
On other days (so far, few and far between thankfully)—I need to invest
more time to get myself squared away.
We all have the ability to choose our attitude. I deliberately have chosen to have a positive
attitude and I am constantly working towards that outlook. You can choose your attitude as well. It might take some major effort if you have not
done it in a while; but it is possible and profitable for you to do so.
Thought for the Day:
Philippians 4:8-9 Finally,
brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is
excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put
it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every
pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive
every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Both of these verses talk about choosing what you are
focusing your thoughts upon. Philippians
tells us to choose to dwell upon the good, lovely, right and noble kind of things. In the Corinthian passage it says we should
take our thoughts captive. In other
words, put the bad ones behind bars, get them out of circulation. Both verses deal with what you are spending
time thinking about. Both verses tell us
that you can choose what you think upon.
Why does God care what you think about? Because what you think about is part of the
cycle of how you feel and how you act.
They all three go together.
Thinking is sort of the linchpin of the cycle. Kill a bad thought in the very beginning and
it short-circuits the bad feelings and bad actions. Good thoughts tend to lead to good feelings
and good actions.
Any situation is made up of both good and bad elements;
it’s always a mixed bag. What we focus
upon in the situation determines whether we perceive it as good or as bad. In my situation, I could think about the loss
of my foot as a bad thing. It will mean
extra work every day. It is harder to
walk with a prosthesis than a natural leg.
So everything I do from now on will take more energy. I am going to be limited. Right now I am limited to a wheelchair. There will be some things that I will never
do again (or at least not without training or without a greater expenditure of
energy). Some things won’t even be worth
trying. I’ve added hours to my day for
exercise, tending to my stump, maintaining my prosthesis, doctor appointments and
taking longer to accomplish a simple task.
That means I have less time to do the things that I enjoy doing. It is a pretty rotten, awful, terrible
situation. It would be natural if I
focused upon those aspects to be depressed and see this all in a negative
light.
On the other hand, I look at my situation and see a lot
of positives. I am out of pain for the
first time in a year and a half. I am
alive and I have a future where I can enjoy life and watch my family grow. I get to continue the things I most enjoy—preaching
and teaching and encouraging others. With
work, I will be able to go for a walk, ride my motorcycle, go hunting,
etc. I’ve always wanted to exercise more
and to lose weight (I am locked in to doing those things now without escape). Although the change in my life is drastic, I
have had several of my long-standing prayer requests answered as a result of my
amputation. These were things important
to me that I could not make happen despite my best effort—but God used this
event to bring them about. God has used
this event to challenge me personally and to make me a better pastor (I am much
more sensitive to certain situations than I use to be). I have a whole lot to
be thankful for. I can see that this is
an amazing, wonderful, miraculous situation.
If I focus on these aspects, I am upbeat and optimistic and can’t wait
to see what new discoveries that I will make; this is a very positive event for
me.
All I have to do is chose what I am going to focus upon
and it changes my outlook, my attitude, and will greatly influence my
actions. It is not that I pretend that the negative
things aren’t there; it is just that I choose not to define this event by the
bad things. I acknowledge that they are
there, but I focus my attention on the good and positive things.
In my motorcycle safety class they taught me that if I encounter
an object in the road not to focus upon it.
Instead, I was to focus on the clear path that I wanted to take around
the object. The thinking is that if you
focus upon the obstacle, you naturally will drive right over it. If you look at the clear path, you naturally
tend to drive that path and miss the obstacle.
What I am suggesting is the very same thing at the mental
level. Do you want to feel happy and
content? Well then think or focus your
thoughts on the things that will get you there.
If you enjoy feeling depressed and upset, then focus your thoughts on
the things that lead you there. You
choose! What are some of the negatives
about your situation? What are some of
the positives about it? Which path will
you take?
You might object that it is overly simplistic and that
there are other factors in play that I haven’t accounted for. You are right; I don’t know all of your
specific problems. But I offer you the
fact that this has worked in my life. I’ve
encouraged others to think along these lines and it has worked for them. This may not answer all of your problems; but
it is a good place to start and it is a healthy way to help manage your mental
health. It is your future. Which direction do you want to head?
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