Wednesday (6/4/2014)

Update:

I had a busy morning on Monday.  It started out with a 7:45 a.m. appointment with my physiatrist, Dr. Schmidt.  We had lots to talk about since I have been in pain and unable to walk for much of the last two weeks.  One of the things we had talked about is my weight loss affecting the fit of my prosthesis.  I really need to shed 40-50 pounds and I have decided to get it done now.  It really has to happen BEFORE I get fitted for my final prosthesis because just a few pounds change can alter the fit of the leg.  In the meantime, that much weight loss means it will be difficult to keep me comfortable in my current leg.  The end result is that I may end up spending more time in the wheelchair than I would like this summer while I shed the weight.  The last few weeks has highlighted the need for me to be vigilant about maintaining a constant weight for the rest of my life since it affects my comfort and use of the prosthetic so easily.  Dr. Schmidt examined my knee joints, etc. and didn’t find any obvious problems that would cause my pain.  She believes that my problem around the fibula is the nerve crossing the bone.  Mine just seems to happen lower on the leg than most people.  I also noticed that I had a red area developing on the back of my heel on my right foot.  Dr. Schmidt recommended that I start wearing a polypropylene sock liner to help reduce the rubbing on my heel.  I am constantly checking my foot for redness or sores—I’ve got to catch them early so they don’t develop into something major. 

I was able to sneak in a visit to my prosthetist, Leah, after seeing Dr. Schmidt.  Leah added a thicker pad on my foam liner between the fibula and tibia. So far that really seems to have done the trick in keeping that nerve from firing across the fibula.  I was able to walk on Monday afternoon and on Tuesday with the pain from occurring.  Yeah!  We also talked about the swelling I get overnight in my stump although I wear a shrinker sock and keep my leg elevated.  I was given the next smaller size shrinker sock and that really helped keep that swelling to a minimum.  My prosthesis slipped on easily the past two morning. 

My appointment with my retinal specialist, Dr. Wu, went as expected.  My eyesight in both eyes continues to improve.  I still have some swelling in my retinas but the cholesterol deposits are dissipating.  Overall he was pleased with the progress I’ve made with the treatments. In another month or two I’ll undergo more laser surgery and we will continue the monthly eye injections for the foreseeable future.  I received an injection in my right eye while I was there and have the injection for the left eye scheduled for next Monday.  For the first time that I know of, I had a bit of bleeding after the eye injection.  I can’t see it, but my wife tells me my eye looks pretty bloodshot.  I still have the large circular floater in my eye on Tuesday (usually that’s gone by now).  So for whatever reason, this time it is different.

After eye injections, we normally go straight home.  On Monday we had to stop by Sam’s Club (I just sit in the car after an eye appointment) but we needed to get something to eat first.  My wife wanted to go to a restaurant instead of grabbing fast food.  I was ambivalent, so I said it was okay.  That was a mistake.  We should have grabbed a quick bite, let her grab the groceries and headed home.  I was pretty miserable waiting for the food.  I had a hard time seeing it when it arrived.  I didn’t eat much.  I basically sat with my head down in my hands while my wife ate.  Poor thing—I wasn’t my normal charming, dinner companion self.  When we made it home—I gladly crashed in my bed and slept off the initial pain for the next three hours. 

I got up from my nap about 5:30 p.m. and had an upset stomach all night on Monday and continuing on through Tuesday.  I ate some dinner on Monday night (mistake), ate a few bites for breakfast on Tuesday, and skipped lunch because I continued to feel poorly.  We’re not exactly certain what is going on.  We have three likely suspects: 1) there is a stomach flu going around—perhaps I caught it. 2) I got sick the last time we ate at this particular restaurant—perhaps it happened again.  I think this is the most likely reason I don’t feel well.  At any rate I want to avoid this restaurant for a while.  3) My wife wonders if this is a side effect from the pain of my eye injection, along with the fact that they inject a drug used in chemotherapy.  Whatever the cause, I guess the positive side of this is that it will help my weight loss although I am feeling miserable.

On the positive side, although my wife says that my eye is very bloodshot and milky looking on Wednesday morning, I don’t have the normal gravelly feeling following the injection in that eye.  So the eye is less painful this round—that’s something to be thankful for.  On Wednesday morning, my stomach seems to be back to normal so I can get some things done today.

One task that I have to get done today is have my phone checked out.  Yesterday, someone called me and they kept breaking up.  I assumed the problem was on their end until I had a couple of other calls and it happened again and again.  So Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s off to Verizon I go.

Thought for the Day:

“Dear God, I long to feel your presence. I seek your face. Please help me learn the lessons you have in the trials of life. Strengthen my faith and grant me the strength I need for daily living...and for the unexpected things that come my way. Bless me, Lord, that I may be a blessing to others. I praise you and thank you for who you are and all you do. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”   [Os Hillman, TGIF-Today God Is First, daily on-line devotional, 6/4/2014]

Wow!  There is so much that I like about this prayer—it really struck a chord with me. 

First, it reminds us that our first priority is to seek after God—not in some mechanical, intellectual mode; but in such a way that we are touched by His presence.  I want to really know God; not merely know about Him.  I want a close encounter with Him; not a glimpse from a distance.  I want to be changed by meeting with Him and have my heart warmed; not be left cold and sterile.  I want to have a relationship with a living God; not a religion where I am satisfied with going through the motions of ritual.

Next, it reminds us that we will encounter trials during our lives.  The perfect, peaceful life where nothing serious ever goes wrong is a myth.  I vaguely remember a line from a classic movie, “I've got problems, you got problems, all God's children got problems.”  We all will encounter trials, difficulties, disasters, and heartache of various magnitudes throughout our lives.  Many of these things will end up being beyond our ability to handle.  They will overload us emotionally, they will drain us physically, and they will bleed us dry spiritually.  We will need God’s assistance and strength to get through them.  They will stretch our faith in God because at times we will feel that making it through them is even beyond God’s ability to make happen.  But when we are at the end of ourselves and we only have God left to turn to, we will find that He is more than sufficient to handle whatever we face.

Trials will come at us from unexpected angles. We will be struck down from “out of the blue.” We should expect to be blindsided from time to time (after all if we saw them coming, we could dodge them).  I look back over the last year of my life and I cannot even fathom how many crises I’ve encountered, how many setbacks that I faced, usually one after the other in a constant stream.  Every time that one event was coming to an end, I would think to myself, “Whew!  Finally it’s over.”  Just before the next wave knocked me flat again.  Like the waves in the ocean constantly crashing onto the beach—these events in our lives are unstoppable, constant, and powerful.  If you’ve spent time at the ocean, you know that after playing in the surf that you begin to anticipate the next wave.  You might even be able to brace yourself so that it doesn’t knock you so off balance.  But just about the time you think you’ve got it all figured out—a rogue wave seemingly comes out of nowhere and catches you off guard.   That’s the way life is too.

Life’s trials can teach us things about ourselves.  We can learn more about our relationship with God, the limits of our own resources, and find out that we were stronger than we imagined (even while falling short during the trial).  As these trials force us to rely upon God more heavily, we learn how steady and trustworthy He truly is.  We learn to run to Him in times of trouble.  We find that He is a strong tower, a mighty fortress, a hiding place, a shelter in the time of storm, a safe harbor, and oh so much more.

Paul writes, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).  In asking God for help in our current distress, we ask with awareness that His provision will not just help us in our difficulty; but that we will then be able to turn around and point to God when we find others who are in distress.  We become like one beggar sharing with another hungry beggar where to find a good, hot meal.  We become a channel of God’s blessings to others around us as God fills our reservoir to overflowing. 

It is kind of strange that our best moments as God’s messengers are when we are weak and reliant upon Him rather than when we are strong and self-reliant.  People are drawn to successful people; but we normally attribute someone’s success to some inner strength or innate character quality that they possess.  However, when we are at our lowest, when we are broken and bruised and yet somehow still manage to hang on; then the power of God is more clearly seen in our lives.  Once we have personally experienced the power of God in our lives, we have something worthwhile to share with others.  We can recommend reliance upon God because we have done it ourselves.  If I was to go for marriage counselling or to seek advice about a parenting issue; I don’t trust the answer of someone who has never been married and has no kids.  I want someone who has experience in the area that I need help in.  As we are blessed by God in our trials, we end up having something powerful to share with others.  We become a blessing to them as we point them to the source of all blessing and comfort.

And lastly, this prayer reminds us to be thankful.  God is under no obligation to bail us out of any and every tight spot that we find ourselves in.  And yet, we find that when we cry out to Him that He answers.  I’ve seen God answer prayers and cries of desperation.  And I am wise enough to realize that I am not catching everything that God is doing behind the scenes.  I see glimpses of His response; but I know that there is so much more that He does outside of my perception.  So I thank Him for all that He does both seen and unseen.  I am grateful for what I know He has done; and even more grateful for the multitude of things that I am not aware of.  I am thankful for who God is—that He is faithful and true; that He is limitless in power, knowledge, and love; that He is constant and consistent; that He is so much more than I can even fathom.

I hope that you take time today to pray this prayer from your heart. 

Psalm 50:15    “Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me." (ESV)

Jeremiah 29:12-14a     “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the LORD…”  (ESV)