Thought for the Day:
A friend of mine who is a nurse and an amputee herself has written a
book dealing with the emotional recovery process following an amputation. One chapter deals with handling both the long-term
and short-term pain of an amputation. In
it she discusses those who consider themselves a “Survivor” and those who see
themselves as a “Victim.” I think her
words have application for everyone who undergoes pain or painful situations.
“Being a victim for victim for a short while is not necessarily
bad. It can help in claiming the truth
of the loss and expressing normal grief.
However, if we don’t move past being a victim, our life will have an
added emotional burden. This is
especially so when we see the amputation as the death of a part of us… Or we may keep comparing ourselves to how our
intact body used to be and hang on to grieving for too long. Perhaps more frustrating is the comparison of
how others’ bodies appear whole and fully functional and the accompanying sense
of jealousy.”
“The healthy approach is to become a survivor; grateful to be alive and
eager to see what life has yet in store for us.
A survivor can then become an overcomer.
We come to realize that future challenges of life can also be
successfully faced and overcome.” [Dee
Malchow, Alive & Whole: Amputation Emotional Recovery].
As I read these words, they rang true for me. And I wasn’t merely thinking about
amputees. I was thinking about the woman
whose husband discarded and divorced her who now has to make ends meet to raise
the family. I was thinking about parents
whose young child has died leaving a gigantic hole in their hearts. I was thinking about the man who lost his job
and hasn’t found any work so he can pay the bills.
No matter what has caused a person pain, it is easy to slip into the
role and mentality of the victim. A
victim had something bad happen to them.
Being a victim implies that they don’t have any power over the situation
and the world is spinning out of control around them. A victim’s focus is upon what was taken from
them and how much that loss hurts. A victim’s
focus is upon the past and what has happened to them. Usually we think of victims as helpless and
hurt. We picture them cowering in the
corner, unable to stand up for themselves, relying upon others to rescue
them. A victim merely exists. We usually see victims as fragile and emotionally
destroyed.
A survivor, on the other hand, has gone through difficult, painful
events; they are fighting back and striving to regain whatever control they can. A survivor’s focus is upon the future and
what they can do. I think of survivors
as powerful and able; they are determined and tenacious. They may have tremendous hurts but they
struggle against the odds and fight back.
They aren’t taking anything sitting down—they are fighting back. They may lose ground; but they aren’t docile
about it—they are kicking and scream, clawing and scratching the whole way. A survivor stands up for themselves and
proves to be a beacon of hope for everyone else who finds themselves in a
similar situation.
What makes the difference between a victim and a survivor? I think it boils down to attitude. In my mind a victim has given up and is already
defeated. A survivor is determined and
still has fight within them. They may
end up going down; but they aren’t going quietly!
In facing life’s difficulties, I want to be a survivor not a
victim. I am going to choose not to give
up. I have decided that I will do
whatever I can to fight against what has happened to me. I refuse to accept it as “the way things are.” I will strive to rebuild my life and make the
most of what I have. I will not wallow
in a defeatist attitude or hold a pity party for myself.
I believe that each of us has within ourselves the ability to choose
whether we will be a victim or a survivor.
We cannot necessarily stop what will happen to us; but we can choose how
we are going to respond to it. Events
may knock me flat; but I am NOT going to just lie there. I am going to stand back up and attempt to
take another step forward.
What are you going to choose?
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