Wednesday (10/8/2014)

Update:

I had a good time at our denomination’s district conference on Monday and Tuesday.  Last year I attended but it wasn’t as pleasant as this time.  Last year I was sick when I attended (in hind sight I shouldn’t have gone to the conference but I didn’t feel too badly when we left in the morning to drive down).  I thought that I had the flu with chills and shakes, headaches, etc.  Probably the infection that was in my foot was already raging (a month later I ended up being hospitalized and having my leg amputated).  So this trip was an encouragement to me as I remembered how badly I was doing last year and how well I feel this year. 

I ended up getting a handicapped room.  What I have found this means (at every hotel that I’ve stayed at so far at least) is that they have a spacious bathroom that works wonderfully, and then the rest of the room is so crammed full of furniture that you cannot maneuver a wheelchair in it.  Usually I have a straight shot into the room.  I cannot turn around the wheelchair, so I have to go backwards to get out.  I cannot turn the corner to get in between the beds so I have to climb up on the bed at its foot and then crawl or roll on top of the blankets to the top of the bed. 

I tell you about the rooms because I am certain that it is because hotels have never thought of it.  I mean who really understands what a handicapped person goes through unless they are one themselves, or have a family member who is.  I’ve become an expert on what someone in a wheelchair would like to see in a room; but I might not have a good picture about what other kind of disabled people need.

I’ve also recently encountered someone who really wanted to help me and wouldn’t allow me to do anything for myself.  I don’t mind getting help when I need it; but don’t ever assume that because someone is disabled that you should do everything for them.  It is rather frustrating!  Ask if they would like help and then just do what they ask.  From a personal standpoint that-* is what I prefer.  Here’s why: I’ve already had part of my “normal” life and activities taken from me.  There are some things that I can no longer do—that frustrates me enough.  But if you come along and insist on doing things for me that I can actually do, well then, I feel a little more emasculated and worthless as a person.  I need to be able to do the things for myself that I can do; but I deeply appreciate receiving help when I need it. 

Let me give you a couple of examples: 

#1 I’m trying to load something into my truck; but you rush up and grab it from me and do it without asking.  Yes, you may have done it faster and more easily than me, but you made me feel a little worthless in the process.  I find joy in doing things that I used to be able to do, so don’t rob me of the opportunity to discover for myself whether I am able to do it or not.

#2 Last night I was going to take some laundry to the basement.  I don’t do stairs well and they are a high energy/high focus task for me.  My wife gauged my energy levels and then offered to go start my laundry for me since I already looked tired.  Normally I’d do it myself—it’s good exercise and It is something I can do to contribute.  But my wife was right; I was very weary and so I gladly let her take that job from my hands. 

I personally am never offended when people ask if they can give me assistance; it does get under my skin when you just assume that I cannot because I am disabled.  If I am ABLE, you just DISsed me (get the play on words from DISABLED?).  Please don’t label me as helpless and unable without first finding out.  One of the groups I belong to is “Abled Amputees of America.”  Their name says it all—don’t dismiss a person as being incapable just because they have a handicap; we still are able to do a lot.  We will never discover our limits if someone always rushes in and insists on doing everything for us.  Think of a parent trying to teach a child to ride a bike.  An appropriate level of help is necessary; but at some point you’ve got to let go and let the child try on their own.  Yes, they are probably going to crash a few times; but eventually they’ll get it if they are given the opportunity.